160 Percent Effort

The University of Mississippi, better known as Ole Miss, has announced the school's new mascot. For those who do not keep up with college mascot news, Ole Miss' old mascot, Colonel Reb, was kicked to the curb a few years ago because he resembled a southern plantation owner just a little bit too much which conjured up bad memories of slavery in the south.


Yeah, okay, fair enough. This guy looks like he could be Colonel Sanders' racist cousin.

Anyway, the school set out on finding a new mascot that would keep up with the Ole Miss Rebel tradition, but also create a new image separate from the south's dark past which lasted from the early 1800s until about, um.... the mid-1980s. The final mascot choices were then put to a vote among students, faculty, and alumni, and the results are in:

62 percent voted for Rebel Black Bear (the winner).

56 percent voted for Rebel Land Shark.

42 percent voted for Hotty Toddy.


So let's welcome the Ole Miss Rebel Black Bear. Okay, so it's not exactly the coolest or most original choice for a mascot. But according to the university, the black bear has a "Mississippi connection" which I assume means that there are actually black bears in Mississippi. (Turns out this is true! In fact, there are almost 80 in the entire state!) I'm a little surprised, though, that Rebel Land Shark wasn't the runaway winner because nothing screams the south or rebellion quite like a land shark. And in case you were wondering, Hotty Toddy (the dude on the left) is the name of the Ole Miss cheer. So the mascot would have basically been... a cheer. Clearly creativity is not terribly alive down south.

But there is one thing that's particularly worth pointing out: did you count those percentages carefully? The total adds up to, not 100 percent, but an amazing 160 percent. Apparently math isn't terribly alive down south either. And you thought education in California was in trouble.

It's just a shame that the ultimate, all-time leader of rebels in the entire universe wasn't able to be considered for the position of Ole Miss Rebel mascot.

It's a trap!!!