Ohh Baby Give Me One More Chanceee

I was humming some lines of the Jackson 5 classic "I Want You Back" the other day and someone who heard me singing said something along the lines of, "I love that song! Lil' Romeo!"

A little bit of me died inside when I heard that. So for everyone's information, Lil' Romeo's song "My Baby" is a sample of the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." And for the record, it KILLS Lil' Romeo's version. Let's be real here for a minute -- Lil' Romeo is a freaking clown. The only reason "My Baby" was a hit was because it was already a hit song... when the Jackson 5 made it. Want more proof? Name me one other popular Lil' Romeo song. Just one. I'll wait. Still waiting. Whatcha got? Nothing? At all? Thank you. The defense rests.

So here's a history lesson for everyone in the form of song: The Jackson 5 - I Want You Back.

The Daily Show - World Cup Edition

Let's set the scene: Jon Stewart is American. John Oliver is English. They've been doing a running segment on the World Cup.

First, John Oliver visits the US Soccer training camp heading into the World Cup.

Second, Jon and John recap the USA-England match.

Third, Jon and John recap the USA-Algeria match.

And finally, John explores Africa's rich culture at the World Cup.

Gooooooool!!!!

Most exciting moment of the World Cup ever... (if you're a USA fan.)

I also found this video of American reactions to Landon Donovan's goal. I just have one question: how did Davis, CA make it on this video??

Game Four Running Diary

Basically, this was the scenario going into Thursday night: the Celtics had to win Game Four or else the series was pretty much over -- down 3-1 is obviously too much to overcome.

With so much riding on the game, it's time for a running diary. Let's take a look back at Game Four...

First Quarter

11:37 - Kobe hits his signature fadeaway to open the game. Then he whines for a foul. He's in good form tonight.

9:56 - Ray Allen puts up a three and the entire arena holds their breath as he releases... he misses. Collective confidence in Ray Ray slowly going down...

7:56 - Paul Pierce scores again. Seven points already. A good sign that he's actually shown up for this game.

6:45 - Ray Allen misses another jumper... confidence still going down...

5:50 - Artest launches a three... and he doesn't even hit the rim. Every time Ron Artest loads up for a three, you can hear the screams of "Nooooo!!!!" from Lakers fans all the way from LA.

Timeout. Lakers 12, Celtics 11.

5:03 - Ray Allen takes a jumper at the shot clock buzzer... and it rattles in and out. Yup... still going down.

4:26 - Paul Pierce takes it to the hole again and draws another foul on Fisher. Yes! Aggressive Paul Pierce! We've missed you!

Celtics 12, Lakers 12

3:35 - Pierce hits another jumper. 10 points in the first so far.

14-14.

3:06 - Lamar Kardashian shoots a three as the shot clock runs out and misses... but the Lakers get the offensive rebound. There are few things more frustrating in basketball than the opposing team getting an offensive rebound... which is why I want to destroy my TV every time I watch a Warriors game.

Speaking of the Kardashians... some company in Boston printed out a bunch of masks of Khloe's face and passed them out to Celtics fans who then held the masks up whenever Lamar was on the line and chanted, "UG-LY SIS-TER." I know it hasn't really affected Lamar that much, but that's pretty hilarious.

1:36 - Rondo sees a seam and explodes to the hoop for an easy layup. That's the Rondo I know and love.

16-14 Celtics

0:24 - Gasol spins to the hoop, loses his balance on his own, and the refs call a foul on Rasheed!!!! No sport has refs as terrible as the NBA. On a related note, no one has better reactions to fouls getting called on him than Rasheed Wallace.



0:03 - Nate Robinson hits a three at the end of the quarter and the Celtics go up after the first.

19-16 Celtics.

Second Quarter

11:30 - Shannon Brown gets an and one to open the quarter. Can we all just agree that the only reason people think Shannon Brown is good is because he can jump really high? Yeah? We're all in agreement? Okay good. Let's move on.

10:33 - After Big Baby and Artest exchange shots, Nate Robinson hits another three. You have to like how much he's able to pump up the crowd based solely on the fact that he's 5-10. Little man complex? Absolutely. But the crowd loves it.

24-21 Celtics.

9:11 - Nice pick and roll from Pierce to Big Baby. And one. You also have to like how the commentators rave about Big Baby's athleticism based solely on the fact that he's fat.

By the way, do you remember how Big Baby said he didn't want to be called Big Baby anymore? Apparently no one listens to a guy named Big Baby.

8:47 - Shannon Brown hits a fadeaway jumper. Damn. That was actually pretty nice.

27-26 Celtics.

5:41 - Rasheed fouls Gasol again. He's incredulous again. For those of you counting at home, that's three fouls on 'Sheed now, with two facial expressions of disbelief.

Timeout.

A commercial for the new Karate Kid movie comes on. Okay, I really don't know what to think about this film. Kind of a cool idea, I guess? But like most remakes, it's probably really unneccessary, and like all remakes, it's just a money grab. I know this for sure, though: Ralph Macchio > Will Smith's kid.


5:30 - Rondo drives and gets fouled by Kobe. But OMG, Rondo can't shoot free throws for his life. He misses both. That's 4-for-15 for the series from the free throw line. Wow...

Kobe comes back with a three. Wow I hate him.

32-29, Lakers.

4:11 - After a Pierce hook shot, Kobe hits another three. WOW I hate him.

35-31, Lakers.

3:42 - OMG WTF KOBE HITS ANOTHER THREE. (okay, jk turns out it was only a two. But still. I hate him.)

37-33, Lakers.

1:30 - A few possessions and a timeout later, Ron Artest gets an easy layup, but Garnett answers back with an and one.

43-38 Lakers.

1:02 - Kobe flops and gets an offensive foul against Paul Pierce. He must be getting ready for the World Cup or something.

0:49 - But Kobe comes back and turns it over!... which leads to an easy Rondo layup.

43-40 Lakers.

0:17 - Fisher takes a jump shot and misses, but the Celtics still can't grab the freaking rebound!! Gasol gets fouled on the next shot and makes both free throws.

45-40 Lakers.

0:00 - Celtics run a play for Ray!... who gets his shot swatted by Gasol (confidence still going down....) but Garnett gets the loose ball and puts it in as time runs out.

45-42 Lakers.

Halftime. Stuart Scott has to be in the top-ten of the most annoying people on the face of the earth. That's my only thought for halftime. Okay, one more thought: Magic Johnson sucks as an analyst. Charles Barkley > Magic Johnson.

Third Quarter

Took a break for dinner so I missed the first part of the third quarter, but it's about halfway through the quarter now and the score is now 53-48 Lakers. Remember, the score was 45-42 at halftime. We got a real barn burner here.

5:09 - Celtics score three straight baskets and take the lead.

4:43 - ...but Kobe hits another three. Yep. Still hate him.

56-54 Lakers.

4:24 - Ray shoots... and finally hits!!! They show his mom cheering. Seriously, if you put a wig on Ray Allen, he would look just his mom. It's kind of eerie.

56-56.

Timeout.

Commercial for The Book of Eli which I still haven't seen. "It's not a book, it's a WEAPON!!!"


Back to the action.

The Celtics just took like four or five straight shots and missed all of them. Fortunately, the Lakers have been doing the same.

2:13 - Ray hits two free throws.

58-56 Celtics.

1:51 - Kobe hits a ridiculous three. Eff.

59-58 Celtics.

1:36 - Rasheed picks up his fourth foul. I hate this guy.

1:24 - Yep. Another Kobe three. Double eff.

1:05 - Rasheed comes back with an airball. Fortunately, Big Baby bails him out by putting the ball back in. Seriously, Rasheed. I can't stand you.

62-60 Lakers.

0:03 - Kobe gets stripped on the inbound, but the Celtics mess up the fast break again. Annnd that's how the third quarter ends.

62-60 Lakers.

Fourth Quarter

Nate Robinson starts the fourth quarter and Mark Jackson mentions how Robinson can bring some energy and scoring that Rondo hasn't been able to bring. As much as I love Rajon, I have to agree with Mark. Rondo's been playing super tentative these last few games and, unfortunately, I think it has to do with his fear of going to the free throw line where he's atrocious. Meanwhile, Nate Robinson just plays with absolute reckless abandon. Sure, he's probably too emotional sometimes, but he plays fearlessly which you have to admire.

10:10 After a few baskets are traded, Nate Robinson jumps on a loose ball and gets a timeout. And since it's Nate Robinson, he gets up and starts screaming and pumping up the crowd like a mad man. Did I mention Nate Robinson is emotional?

64-64.

9:45 - Big Baby gets his 13th point in 14 minutes. I love his athleticism!!!!!

66-64 Celtics.

8:56 - Ray hits another jumper! Confidence soaring!!

68-64 Celtics.

8:22 - After a crazy sequence which involved Ray blocking Gasol, Big Baby gets a basket and the foul! He starts screaming Nate Robinson style. ABC then turns on the delay for a solid five seconds straight to mute out all the swearing that Big Baby just did.

The announcers make sure to mention his athleticism again.

71-64 Celtics.

7:46 - After an Odom layup, Tony Allen gets an and one! Yes, that's right! TONY Allen!

74-66 Celtics.

6:18 - Another foul on Rasheed.... he starts screaming and running around in disbelief again... and then he gets a T. Someone please just shoot Rasheed. Fortunately Kobe misses the freebie.

"Kobe sucks" chant starts. I like it... but I also worry that it's going to make Kobe turn his game on. You can sort of tell the crowd is thinking the same thing as the chant dies down pretty quickly.

74-68 Celtics.

6:18 - After the teams exchange some baskets, Rasheed hits a three! I've always loved Rasheed!!!

79-70 Celtics.

5:39 - Gasol hits a tough layup, which is then followed by Nate Robinson drawing a foul on Odom, which is then followed by Nate taunting Odom, which is then followed by Nate getting T'd up. This incident would be exhibit A in the People versus Nate Robinson's emotions.

79-72 Celtics

Somehow, though, Fisher misses the free throw. Nate comes back and makes his two free throws. Slight redemption.

81-72 Celtics.

5:20 - Odom gets a layup which is followed by an off balance three attempt by Nate which misses. Paul Pierce, KG, and Rondo immediately get ready to check in.

4:22 - Nate comes back, makes a nice move to the hoop, and floats one in! Absolute redemption, Andy Dufresne style! THIS is what Rondo needs to be doing!! As I say that, Pierce, KG, and Rondo go back to the bench and sit down.

83-74 Celtics.

3:57 - Big Baby gets fouled and makes both shots.

85-74 Celtics.

3:44 - Artest gets an and one.

85-77 Celtics.

2:50 - It's under three minutes now and KG, Rondo, and Pierce still aren't in the game. As soon as I think that, Tony Allen takes an idiot three which is then followed by Kobe getting fouled. Yeah, I'm pretty sure those three guys are coming back in now.

Going into the commercial break, they show a replay of Nate Robinson jumping on Big Baby's back and both of them screaming like psychos. But the bench has 36 points tonight so let them scream all they want, I guess.


Kobe hits his free throws, but Paul Pierce comes back with a jumper.

87-79 Celtics.

1:55 - Kobe hits another shot. al;adie;rklafkfjalk;jd

87-81 Celtics.

1:16 - Pierce turns it over, but Garnett steals it back! This leads to Pierce driving, making the basket, and drawing the foul on Kobe. In LA, that play is called a charge (probably the right call, I admit). But you know what? It's not LA! SO WHO CARES?!

90-81 Celtics.

1:07 - Ray fouls Kobe on a three pointer. Wow...

90-84 Celtics.

Under a minute to go...

0:31 - Boston gets nothing on their possession. Kobe drives to his right, passes back to the perimeter, but Rondo steals it and takes it all the way for the layup!

0:22 - Derek Fisher comes back down and gets an easy two.

92-86 Celtics.

0:22 - KG looks to inbound, Lakers have to foul. Rondo's standing unguarded right in front of KG asking for the ball. But because of Rondo's free throw inability, KG is probably more likely to pass it to the popcorn vendor than Rondo right now. He calls timeout instead.

A couple more possessions, including another Kobe three (I really hate him), but the Celtics close it out with a few more free throws.

Final score: Celtics 96, Lakers 89.

Postgame analysis.

1. Boston's bench saved them tonight. And while bench play is, of course, very important, the Big Three need to find a lot more consistency and Rondo needs to man up and really get into these games.

2. The Lakers are going to really miss Andrew Bynum if he can't go next game. The importance of his size and length cannot be underestimated because the Lakers bigs kill the Celtics bigs. (But I still love Big Baby's athleticism.) Speaking of Bynum, I think we can officially put him in the category of "guys who have a ton of talent and ability but never reached their full potential because of injuries."


Anyway, pivotal Game Five looms ahead. See you Sunday.

World Cup Warmup

The World Cup is around the corner and I can't lie -- I'm getting pretty excited. Yes, it means watching games at 4:30 am, but that's part of the fun of it... right? Anyway, thinking about soccer reminded me of a great column by Bill Simmons of his experience going to a USA-Mexico soccer match at Azteca Stadium in Mexico City last year. It's just crazy. It also kind of makes me really hate Mexico. (P.S. Letty, if you're reading this, I still think you're cool.)

Anyway, the most anticipated match of group play is about 48 hours away: USA-England. For those of you who don't know, England is really good at soccer. In fact, the game was invented there. But while Americans may know close to nothing about soccer, you can't accuse them for not being patriotic enough: in a New York Times poll, 63 percent of NYTimes readers believe the US is going to win the game, versus 37 percent who believe England is going to win the game. Now if you think that's optimism, listen to this: according to Nielsen, 46 percent of Americans believe the US will win the World Cup. Uhh... what?! Either the people polled think the World Cup is a basketball tournament, or the Obama administration needs to get these guys to run some approval polls for them.

Anyway, check out a fun World Cup-themed podcast from the aforementioned Bill Simmons with Michael Davies, who's actually a TV producer but very well-rounded in soccer. (You actually have to scroll down to the archived podcasts and click the BS Report from 6/1.) Plus, Michael Davies is British so he just sounds like he really knows what he's talking about.

Let's close with two thoughts on the NBA Finals: first, when are the Big Three all going to show up on the same night? Good Lord. Every night so far it's been the Big One featuring the Washed Up Other Two and it's absolutely killing Boston.

Second thought: in Game Three, there was a moment when Rasheed Wallace took a three-pointer and (as expected) he bricked it. ABC's Mark Jackson then said something along the lines of, "I like that shot. Rasheed is a dead-on three point shooter." That was easily the LOL moment of the Finals so far, with Doc Rivers running on the court to call timeout in Game Two a close second.

P.S. Scroll down to my last post and read what I wrote about Ray Allen. I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!

The Finals

Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say it: I'm not sure I've ever been more intrigued by a championship series that had two teams I have zero interest in than this year's Finals.

For the most part as a sports fan, you have that set group of teams you root for day in and day out. Now, if you're a Bay Area sports fan like me, it's mostly been bitter endings as of late. I really have to think hard to the last time any Bay Area team was in the playoffs... and I'm pretty sure it was the Warriors playoff run in 2007. And what came of that? One year of basketball excitement like I've never experienced before in my life... followed by a rapid return to horribleness.

(By the way, I know the Sharks are in the playoffs every year, but let's be real here: you don't watch hockey and neither do I. Plus, they choke every year anyway, so whatever.)

So that brings us to this year's Finals. Celtics-Lakers. Two teams I should honestly care less about except for one thing: I hate the Lakers. With a passion. I hate the team. I hate their bandwagon fans who can't name anyone on the team besides Kobe. I hate that Staples Center looks more like a movie premiere with all the celebrities in the stands than a basketball game. I hate Sasha Vujacic. And I'll be honest -- I hate that the Lakers are good.

Now, at the beginning of the year, I had more or less assumed the Lakers would repeat. I had made peace with it. No other team had really improved dramatically and, if anything, the Lakers got better after winning it all in 2009 by adding Ron "I'm seriously from another planet but I can play basketball well" Artest. But something funny happened. After sucking in the regular season and everyone assuming the Big Three-era Celtics were done, Boston came alive in the playoffs. And I mean REALLY alive. They vanquished Dwyane Wade, then LeBron James, then Dwight Howard. And now they have a chance of vanquishing Kobe Bryant as well.

So suddenly, I'm extremely interested in the series. Last year, when the Magic played the Lakers in the Finals, I think I watched two games. Maybe. Like the rest of America, I knew that Orlando had no chance. It was a forgone conclusion that the Lakers would be champions. Sure enough, five games and it was over. But this year? The Celtics are a legit foe for LA, and even though the Lakers are the favorite, it shouldn't surprise anyone if Boston wins. And that's the difference between this year and last year: an uncertain outcome. That's what makes the Finals intriguing.

Now, I'm not going to make a prediction because I really have zero clue who's going to win this series. I'm sure it will got six or seven games, though, and I'm sure it will be just as dramatic and fun to watch as 2008. So here are The Punch's five most important players of the Finals.

5. Pau Gasol. I've been in denial for a long time, but deep down I know this: Pau Gasol is really good. He's an excellent big man and he's gotten better since the '08 Finals when everyone kept calling him soft. The Celtics have good big men defenders, but Gasol isn't like Dwight Howard who you can foul, put on the free throw line, then slightly laugh as he barely touches the rim and his free throws. Unfortunately, Gasol is good from the line. One noteworthy thing in the Suns-Lakers series was that Amare Stoudemire really took it to Gasol when he was determined (which is a rarity for Amare), and it showed that Gasol can still be overpowered. The problem for the C's, though, is that they don't really have a big man who dominates offensively (although they could try with Garnett) so it's more or less a moot point.

4. Ray Allen. When he's hot, he hits threes like no one's business. When he's cold, he misses threes like no one's business.

3. Rajon Rondo. I've been saying this for a while now, but Rondo has become the best player on the Celtics. He creates, he drives, he rebounds, he plays defense, and he's improved his field goal shooting. You can make the case that, given his success and the numbers he puts up, he is the best point guard in the game right now. But Rondo makes everyone around him better and he helps take the load off the Big Three. The one problem he has, though, is that he doesn't like the ball in his hands in crunch time largely because he doesn't want to get fouled and go to the free throw line where he's still pretty awful. So that means the go-to guy in pressure time is...

2. Paul Pierce. He's not as quick or as explosive as he used to be, but Paul Pierce loves to take over. He can hurt you in so many ways: driving, drawing fouls, mid-range shooting, threes. He might not be Boston's best player, but he's their most important.

1. Kobe Bryant. Okay, let's just put it out there. I hate Kobe. He's cocky, he's a diva, he's a douche, and it's always his way or no way. But he's good. Damn good. Everyone knows that Kobe isn't the player he once was. He's not as quick, his knees aren't as good, and he can't drive like he did when he was younger, so he's forced to shoot a lot more. The thing that infuriates me, though, is that he makes most of those crazy ass shots. Game Six against Phoenix wasn't even fair. He'd be double teamed, have a hand in his face, take an absurd fadeaway jumper, and hit it. WTF, man.

The biggest challenge for him might be to remind the rest of the Lakers that this is still his team. Some guys on the team get that, like Gasol and Fisher. They look to Kobe at the end of the game, defer to him, and let him dictate it. Other guys, though, still feel like they need the glory, namely Ron "seriously, what goes on in my head?" Artest. Remember Game Five against the Suns when Artest took that idiotic three with 50 seconds left even though the Lakers had just gotten a full shot clock? Watch it again and look at Kobe's reaction right after. He was pissed. Rightfully so, I might add. I'm surprised he didn't go over to Artest during the timeout and beat him with the Gatorade cooler. But the bottom line is that no one knows how to end a game like Kobe. Sure, he might not always hit the shot at the end, but he thrives in those moments. It's never over with him. And that's why I hate him even more.

P.S. My favorite guy in the NBA, Steve Nash, on the BS Report with Bill Simmons today. Honestly, how do you not love Nash? He's a great player, an even better teammate, and a really good guy. Please, God, let Steve Nash win an NBA championship one day.