All Eyes On Jon and Kate

I meant to write about Monday's Jon and Kate Plus 8 season premiere earlier, but it's taken me a few days to get my thoughts in order. (By the way, I had a feeling that this was going to turn into a serious entry, so I have some poorly-attempted humor for you in the form of my Carlos Zambrano post which follows this one. Just trying to look out for everyone.)

Let me start by saying that I'm a huge fan of Jon and Kate Plus 8. I've always found it interesting to see how the family manages different, everyday challenges as such a huge group. The show is incredibly entertaining and I always end up smiling when watching it. Plus, the kids are ridiculously cute. So with all that being said, the season premiere made me really sad. By now, you've no doubt heard about the Jon and Kate Gosselin fiasco that's been going on so I won't go over it again. What exactly happened still isn't entirely clear and everyone seems to have their own opinion on that matter. But nonetheless, Monday's episode was the first one since everything went down and it was an opportunity for Jon and Kate to have their say.

Going into the episode, I had tried my best to convince myself that the tabloids had blown everything out of proportion like they normally do. Those fools were just looking for a story by smearing the good names of Jon and Kate. With that in mind, I kept expecting the two of them to come on the show and say that things were okay, that things were getting better, and that their relationship was still strong. But that moment never came. Instead, Jon and Kate took turns on the couch separately, commenting not only on the sextuplets' birthday party, but also on the current state of their relationship. (Also, it's worth noting that the children have been kept in the dark about the whole situation.) Eventually, the two shared the couch together like we're accustomed to seeing, but the tension was thick. The glimmer of hope for the family that I had been waiting for failed to transpire. They talked about going in different directions, the possibility of divorce, and the uncertainty of the future. One thing was very obvious: there was still a lot of pain, hurt feelings, and anger.

The biggest news the next day, however, was that a ridiculous 9.8 million people had watched the season premiere of JK+8. The official numbers aren't out yet, but chances are that it was the most watched show on ANY network ALL WEEK. That includes the NBA Playoffs. The question that everyone seems to be positing now is why do we care so much? And how stupid are we to be so interested in a family on the television that we don't even know?

Well, is it silly? Yes, it probably is to some extent. But at the same time, I can see why it's so easy for people to be drawn to JK+8. Most reality TV features people who are unique in some way (American Idol, Dancing With the Stars) or who are off-the-wall personalities (The Real World, pretty much all VH1 reality shows). But in Jon and Kate and their children, viewers see part of themselves or what they hope to be. Yes, the Gosselins have a non-typical family that hardly anyone will ever experience, but they are also common, down-to-earth people who are trying to raise their children the best they can just like any other person would want to do. There's no physical challenges or duels, there's no tribal council, and there's no elimination. It's just a family trying to find happiness in the world. Jon and Kate Plus 8 is true reality television.

To many people, this was the sort of TV show that made you feel good about yourself and your family. It was inspirational, in a way, to see this family overcome the difficult and unexpected circumstance of having eight children and turn it into a blessing. Yes, the show became much more successful than probably anyone could have imagined and turned the family into celebrities. Was it what they were hoping for? I doubt it. With eight kids, any source of income probably seems like a good idea at the time and there was no knowing that the show would become such a hit. However, after a couple of seasons of increasing popularity, Jon and Kate had to have had an inkling of what they were getting into.

From the season premiere, it's clear that the fame and fortune has affected both Jon and Kate. I don't necessarily blame them, though, because I think anyone who was in their situation would find it very difficult to avoid that attraction. However, with all the attention and craziness that's come with the success, I fear that the show is now at risk of devolving from a smart reality show about an incredibly interesting family into another typical reality show that's driven by drama. Viewers weren't tuning in Monday to watch the sextuplets' birthday (which is what they used to be interested in); viewers tuned in because they wanted to know what was going on with Jon and Kate (myself included).

At the same time I believe that many people are especially interested in what's going on with JK+8 right now because it scares them to some extent. Jon and Kate Gosselin seemed to have risen above so many unexpected adversities and created a strong, tight-knit family in the process. In many ways, they were role models for a successful family. But now that it all appears to be in danger, people may begin to think, "if it can happen to them, this family that seemed so happy only a season ago, then it could easily happen to me and my family."

Any good television show, reality or not, survives on strong characters and the viewers' ability to relate to them. In that regard, Jon and Kate Plus 8 has perhaps been too successful.

Cool-headed Carlos

If you haven't already seen it, Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano had quite the emotional breakdown the other day. In a game against the Pirates, Zambrano attempted to tag out a runner at home after a wild pitch. The umpire called the runner safe and Zambrano immediately began arguing. For those of you unfamiliar with Carlos Zambrano, he's well known in the league for being a good pitcher, but also for having a short fuse and blowing up easily. And blow up he did.

Here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX0lT0ADrTI

Uh, yeah. It got pretty heated and a lot happened in a short amount of time. Fortunately I happen to be an excellent lip reader and am able to relay to you what was said during the whole fiasco. Here's the exact transcript:

The runner just slides in under Zambrano's tag and is called safe by the umpire.

Zambrano: What?! Are you out of your mind, ump?! I put the tag down! He was out by a mile!

Ump: Cool it, Carlos. Choose your next words carefully.

Zambrano: Don't tell me too cool it! You made a terrible call, you freaking moron!!!

Zambrano pushes the ump away with his arm, a definite no-no. The ump throws him out of the game.

Zambrano: What?! What?! You're throwing me out?! No, no, no! I'm throwing YOU out!! YOU'RE out of here!!!! Yeah, that's right, ump! What do you think about THAT?!

Manager Lou Piniella comes out to get Zambrano.

Lou Piniella: Okay, Carlos. Come on. Let's go...

Lou and Zambrano start walking to the dugout. Carlos realizes he still has the ball in his hand.

Zambrano: Lou, how far do you think I can throw this baseball?

Lou Piniella: What?

Zambrano: I bet I can throw it into the left field bleachers from here.

Lou Piniella: Carlos, I don't think that's a good ide--

Zambrano chucks the ball into left field, well short of the stands.

Zambrano: Damnit!!!! Come on Lou, best two out of three??

Lou Piniella: Uh, I think you've had enough, dude. Let's just go into the clubhouse.

Zambrano throws his mitt into the dugout fence in frustration. He eventually makes his way into the dugout and spots the Gatorade dispenser.

Zambrano: Oh WTF is this?! Gatorade?! In a dispenser?! With different flavors?! It looks like a freaking soda machine at McDonalds!!! What is this?! There's too many choices!!! Where's the freaking classic Gatorade cooler?!?! I HATE new technology!!! It's like Terminator!!! Don't you remember what happened in the movie, you fools?!?! We all saw it after Friday's game!!! The machines are going to rise up!!!! They have to be destroyed before they become self-aware!!!!!

Zambrano grabs a bat and starts pounding away at the Gatorade dispenser.

Lou Piniella: Aw damnit, Carlos. I was going to drink some of that...

Okay, well, Zambrano didn't really say the thing about Terminator. I admit that it was just an excuse for me to put another picture of Arnold into the blog. But everything else was definitely right on.

(Remember, this man is the governor of California!)

By the way, I stumbled across this in the ESPN video library - the Top-10 all-time baseball meltdowns. There's some good ones in there.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Review: Terminator Salvation

When I ranked the summer movies that I was most looking forward to watching, I think Terminator Salvation was probably at least number two or three on the list (with number one being Transformers). I admit that perhaps I'm a bit biased since I love the Terminator series, but even to the non-fan, Terminator Salvation looked like it would be fun for sure.

Before I even saw the movie though, this is what I kept hearing: Terminator hasn't gotten good reviews; it has like a 35% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I know people weren't saying it to try and deter me from watching it, but I think people were just sort of surprised that the reviews weren't that positive. Anyway, this movie could have gotten a zero percent from Rotten Tomatoes and I would still watch it. My loyalty is fierce.

Okay, so now on to the actual movie. I would try and give you a real plot synopsis, but I'm realizing that it's pretty complicated and would take a long time. As a warning, if you don't know the Terminator story, it might be kind of hard to follow and/or you might think that the story is so ridiculous that I'm a moron for liking this movie franchise. In that case, you should go rent the Terminator movies immediately and realize how wrong you are.

Anyway, here's a basic plot overview: Salvation starts in 2003 with Marcus Wright, an inmate on death row. He signs his body over to Cyberdyne Systems for what appears to be good research purposes. He wakes up in 2018, after Judgment Day, trying to figure out what's happened...and who he is (cue dramatic music). At the same time, John Connor (Christian Bale) is a commander of the resistance. He's informed that the machines have a hit list with him being number two; number one is Kyle Reese, who is his father and the man who he eventually sends back in time to protect his mother. John Connor has to find and save Kyle Reese from termination, thus saving himself and the resistance, and (perhaps most importantly) allowing the first three Terminator movies to be made. Along the way, Connor needs to decide if he can trust Marcus who believes himself to be human, but appears to be a cyborg.

So like I mentioned before, I'm a fan of the Terminator movies. But as much as I tried to push all the thoughts of the bad reviews out of my mind, I was also semi-preparing myself to be disappointed. So before watching the movie, Jenny Choi and I agreed that regardless of how it was, we would come out saying that it was good. Okay, well, I said I would. Jenny wasn't really on board with that plan because she didn't want to say it was good when it really wasn't. Fine, whatever. But we ended up walking out of theater agreeing that, hey, it was actually pretty good. High five.

Now does Terminator have its issues? Yes, absolutely. In the previous films, there was a lot of emphasis on the characters and the moral dilemmas they faced, like in T2 when the young John Connor looks at the Terminator sent to protect him as a father figure. But Salvation focuses much more on the action and crazy sequences which results in the film turning into more of a mindless action movie. That's not to say that there's anything WRONG with mindless action movies, but it's different from what the series originally was. I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that going from James Cameron directing the first two movies, to a guy who calls himself McG directing Salvation might have something to do with it.

Still, the film was very entertaining. It's a good summer action movie and if that's what you expect going in, then you won't be disappointed. Plus, it shows a side to this series that we've never really seen before, and that's post-Judgment Day. I think the casting was pretty good in this film too. Christian Bale does a solid job as the always paranoid, but usually right, John Connor (although I miss Linda Hamilton as the even more paranoid Sarah Connor). Moon Bloodgood (who's actually half-Korean and not Native American as Jenny and I thought) was pretty good as the hot girl who can crack skulls. Common wasn't bad as John Connor's second in command...when he stood there and looked intimidating. But whenever he opened his mouth and had dialogue, it was painfully bad. I mean REALLY painful. Let's just stick to rapping, dude. But best of all in Salvation: there's an Arnold cameo! How can you argue with that?! Arnold!! There's reasons all around to enjoy this movie. Don't listen to the haters. Listen to me.

In closing, let me say this -- every time I see any Terminator movie (or any Arnold movie for that matter) I think the same thing: this man is the governor of California. And I know some people might think that this would make me upset or disappointed in some way; on the contrary, it actually makes me smile. The same man who played the terminator, chased the predator, and battled with Sinbad for a Christmas toy is the most powerful person in the state. AND his signature is on my college diploma! Just another reason to love California.


"Come with me if you want to live."

Nuggets-Lakers Game 2 Running Diary

For the first time in a while, I decided to commit myself to watching an entire NBA playoff game. Normally I'll just tune in for the second half or the fourth quarter, or sometimes I'll just not care enough to even watch. It's really hard to garner motivation to watch an entire game when you have pretty much zero interest in it. Anyway, I decided to write a running diary of the Nuggets-Lakers game as I watched it. With thanks to Bill Simmons, enjoy.

Pregame
The Nuggets are introduced by the Lakers PA announcer and I hear one thing: nothing. You can't hear any booing, any jeering, anything sounding remotely negative. I swear, LA has like the weakest sauce fans in the world. Okay, I shouldn't say that. You rich ass fools who can afford to go to Staples Center for a Lakers playoff game, you people should be embarrassed. Can you imagine if real fans were actually at these games? Where's the intimidation factor? If nothing else, this sorry show proves one thing: the Warriors need to get back in the playoffs immediately.

The Lakers are then introduced with a huge montage video of the team and past Lakers greats. The video is accompanied by hardcore rock music. Okay, they're getting the team pumped, they're getting the crowd fired up.... and then it falls absolutely on its face. The PA announcer sounds like he's announcing bingo numbers at the senior center and the music suddenly changes to "Baba O'Riley" (better known as the Teenage Wasteland song). And the mood is now gone.

Now, I would say the Lakers have the weakest home court advantage of the four remaining playoff teams, but I saw the Cavs-Magic game last night and that crowd in Cleveland was dead. They did nothing to help LeBron and his boys. The PA guy there had the opposite problem of the one in LA: he had to try TOO hard to get the crowd into it. Any time you have to remind a crowd that it's a big possession and they should stand, it's a bad sign.

The ESPN team tonight: Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy, and Mark Jackson. Mike Breen says the crowd is fired up and ready. Uh, Mike. We just heard the crowd. You don't need to lie for them, dude.

First Quarter
10:59 - They replay the Trevor Ariza steal from Game One that sealed it up for the Lakers. Mark Jackson tells us that Ariza gave credit to Kobe for allowing him to make that steal. Trevor, it's okay, dude. Kobe's not listening right now. You can take credit for the plays you make. He won't beat you.

10:18 - Andrew Bynum slams it home. Yes, he actually made a good play in the playoffs. So that means he's going to mess up the next three plays. Minimum.
2-2

8:55 - Carmelo gets an and one... and misses the free throw. Please, no repeat of Game One's paltry free throw shooting...
6-4 Nuggets

6:12 - Bad news for the Nuggets: Dahntay Jones has picked up his fourth foul in less than six minutes. Good news for the Nuggets: it's just Dahntay Jones.
13-12 Lakers

3:23 -The first sighting of the Birdman as he checks in for Nene. I can't help but smile whenever I see him on the court. He's for sure in my top-10 favorite NBA players. He's gritty, he works hard, and he has more of his body covered in tattoos than the guy from Prison Break.

2:54 - TV timeout. It's time for the obligatory Staples Center search for celebrities. Tonight's group includes: Jake Gyllenhaal, Will Ferrell, and Tom Cruise. Okay, there's one more reason why the Warriors need to get back into the playoffs: Jessica Alba.


2:08 - Sasha Vujacic is in the game and launches a three which is off the mark. You'll never be able to convince me that Vujacic is a decent basketball player. I'm sorry. Never.

1:01 - Chauncey Billups gets to the line... and misses his first free throw. What the hell is going on with the Nuggets? Mercifully, he makes the second.
27-20 Lakers

Vujacic can't hit a jumper at the buzzer and the first quarter comes to an end.
Lakers 31, Nuggets 23

It's the exact same score from Game One, just reversed. What does it mean? We'll find out... but probably nothing.

Before we start the second quarter, it's time for the in-game interview with the head coach. First up, George Karl. I'm not judging him for the quality of his answers; I'm judging him for how well he can fake acting interested in the interview. I'd give him 7/10. Well done, George.

Second Quarter
10:14 - Vujacic launches two more shots and can't get them to fall. Seriously, Sasha, you suck. Just let it go.

9:19 - Lakers timeout. Somehow, someone managed to create a promo for Land of the Lost and connect it to the NBA. Terrible.

8:02 - Carmelo gets to the line... and misses the first free throw. Come on.
37-27 Lakers

7:23 - Jordan Farmar makes another pretty pass this time to Shannon Brown. Am I the only person who thinks that Farmar is better than Fisher?
41-27 Lakers

7:18 - George Karl calls timeout.

Time for more celebrities! In this round, we've got Teri Hatcher, John Lithgow, and Mrs. Governator. And of course, Jack. I remember that Tom Cruise is here too and immediately start hoping that somehow they'll perform their court scene from A Few Good Men. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

7:00 - Jeff Van Gundy brings up A Few Good Men. Clearly I'm not the only one who wants to see this performance go down.

4:56 - Carmelo gets to the line after making four of his last five shots... and promptly misses the first free throw. He gets the second one, but in all seriousness, the Nuggets are digging their own grave.
47-36 Lakers

3:45 - Bynum gets an easy dunk and an and one. The Nuggets are playing defense about as well as the Warriors right now. Bynum misses the second, but the Nuggets knock it out of bounds. Possession, Lakers. Good Lord.
51-38 Lakers

32.0 - I don't know what the hell's happened, but somehow the Nuggets went from down 13 to down only one. Seriously, this happened so fast I'm still trying to piece it all together.
53-52 Lakers

0.00 - After Lamar Odom makes a 20-footer, Chauncey pulls a Harlem Globetrotters move on Kobe, bouncing it off his back on the inbounds pass, then catching it and putting it in for a layup. Cutting the lead to one AND making Kobe look like a fool? Style points for you, Chauncey.

Halftime - Lakers 55, Nuggets 54
Now seems about a good a time as any to chime in on this whole LeBron versus Kobe debate. Has LeBron passed Kobe as the league's best player? Absolutely. I really don't think that this is even up for argument anymore. You really can't describe what makes LeBron so dominant; but when you see him in action, you understand.

Now, all that being said, if I had one shot to take at the end of a game and I could put the ball in anyone's hands, it would be Kobe. As much as I hate that fool, he knows how to close a game. Compare the end of his Game 1 and LeBron's Game 1. Kobe knows he has to take over the game, so he keeps attacking and attacking the hoop, drawing fouls, going to the line, and making his free throws. LeBron knows he has to take over the game, so he starts taking jumpers, slows the entire Cavs offense down, takes more jumpers, he stops attacking the hoop, and when he does get to the line, he misses free throws. This doesn't mean I don't think LeBron can't be a great closer because he's certainly hit some big shots before, but in order to be one he needs to stick to his guns; and his guns are all about taking it hard to the lane and throwing it down in someone's face.

Let's get back to the action.

Third Quarter
7:14 - The teams keep trading baskets until Nene gets an and one call. He can give the Nuggets the lead with a made free throw... and he misses. I'm almost at the point now where I'm assuming the Nuggets are going to miss free throws every time.
64-64

6:15 - Trevor Ariza throws down a hard dunk. I can't even lie; it was nice.
66-64 Lakers

5:53 - Ariza tries to drive hard to the hoop again and this time gets punished for his insolence.
On the replay, it's actually a lot worse than it looked initially. He pretty much got tapped by Nene and maybe K-Mart and then came crashing down onto the floor. Get up, fool.

4:04 - The Birdman scores; I didn't even realize he was back in the game! ESPN needs a Birdman tracker.
73-68 Lakers

2:47 - The commentators mention that Kobe sometimes looks like he's annoyed with his teammates. I think it would be more effective to just comment when Kobe DOESN'T look annoyed with his teammates.

2:33 - Carmelo gets an and one...and misses the free throw.

2:02 - Chauncey gets to the line...and misses the first free throw.

1:02 - Carmelo gets to the line...and makes both!!!!!!!
81-78 Lakers

40.0 - Loose ball foul on Kobe; he's pissed! T him up! T him up! Do it!! Damnit, Kobe shows some rare restraint and calms down. Carmelo gets to the line, makes both.
81-80 Lakers

That score holds as the third quarter comes to an end.

It's Phil Jackson's turn for an in-game interview. ESPN and TNT both have to know how dumb these things are, but I'm starting to think that they don't get rid of them because they know everyone thinks they're a joke. It's like comic relief or something.

Fourth Quarter
11:29 - Kobe gets called for a charge. Four on him. You can tell Angry Kobe wants to come out so bad.

10:48 - Kleiza hits a trey! Nuggets up three. Let's give it up for unathletic looking white guys.
85-82 Nuggets.

Speaking of unathletic looking white guys, Brian Scalabrine is absolutely king of them all, especially after this playoff season. He decided to wear this goofy head band which seemed to accentuate the fact that he already looks really bad in a basketball jersey. I'm pretty sure he was auditioning for that Will Ferrell basketball movie, Semi-Pro. It's almost like Scalabrine was TRYING to find ways to get people to make fun of him.


9:43 - JR Smith thinks he's Michael Jordan or something and tries to break down his defender. He ends up taking a fadeaway jumper from the corner...and is reminded that he's still JR Smith when it clangs off the iron. Fortunately Carmelo's there to clean up the mess and put it back in.
89-85 Nuggets

9:04 - Carmelo sinks a jumper; that's now five straight games with at least 30 points for him.
91-85 Nuggets

8:40 - Kobe answers back with a three. You have to love watching Kobe and Melo go at each other. And as I type that, George Karl takes Melo out for a breather. Weak sauce.
91-88 Nuggets

7:13 - Odom gets fouled, makes them both, Lakers back up one.
92-91 Lakers

5:35 - Carmelo makes two free throws; we're told that the Nuggets have made 11 straight free throws. I was hoping the ESPN guys didn't notice because I'm scared now that it's going to jinx them.
93-93

4:45 - Pau Gasol channels his inner Denver Nugget and misses both free throws.
95-95

1:59 - There's more back and forth scoring going on until Kobe sinks a three to tie it even though he took about seven steps right before. I keep forgetting that it's eight steps in the NBA that gets a travel call.
99-99

1:44 - Chauncey gets to the line... sinks both.
101-99

1:20 - Derek Fisher takes a terrible three-pointer that would have a chance if the basket was about a foot to the right and two feet lower. Apparently he keeps hoping that somehow he's traveled back in time during this game to five years ago when he could still play.

But then JR Smith turns it over and ...

45.3 - Kobe ties it. Eff.
101-101

29.6 - Chauncey! No, Nene! No, K-Mart! Lays it in!
103-101 Nuggets

Timeout Lakers

18.6 - Kobe tries to split the D and loses it! Gasol throws his Geico Caveman body on it, Chauncey and Nene grab it, and it's a jump ball...between Gasol and Chauncey.

Pau wins it, Ariza grabs it, then loses it! Chauncey grabs it and the Lakers have to foul. It looks like Braylon Edwards is out on the court; the Lakers can't hold onto the ball.

Also, apparently that was a violation by JR Smith; you can't run through the jump circle until the ball's been tipped by a jumper. It just goes to prove once again that the NBA has the worst referees in the world. (For the record, Smith running through didn't really have an impact on the play. But seriously, NBA refs are terrible.)

13.7 - Chauncey makes them both.
105-101 Nuggets

4.3 - Nuggets up three and the Lakers have a shot to tie the game. It has to go to Kobe, right? I mean, it HAS to. The ball gets inbounded to... Derek Fisher... who launches a three... and airballs it. Give Denver credit; they guarded Kobe tight and basically said "we're not going to let Kobe beat us; we're going to let 98-year-old Derek Fisher beat us because we know he can't."
Final Score: Nuggets 106, Lakers 103

What have we learned from the first two games of this series? First, it's not how you start, it's how you finish. Second, when you try on defense, you have a better chance to win the game. Third, if you make free throws, you win the game. ESPN, I'll be waiting for you call for an analyst position.

See you in Denver.

Kobe Doin'...Nothing

This entry has nothing to do with the two Game Sevens that took place on Sunday, but I feel inclined to say one thing about the Lakers-Rockets game: the suits of the NBA let out a huge sigh of relief when the Lakers won as it keeps alive the NBA's dream match-up of LeBron versus Kobe. Anything less than that will pretty much kill the ratings for the Finals...and also make Vitamin Water look very foolish.

Anyway, let's get to the point of this entry. Saturday was the debut of the documentary on Kobe Bryant titled Kobe Doin' Work (zero points for originality). The piece was an 83 minute long Spike Lee film (sorry, a Spike Lee joint) and appeared on ESPN2 pretty much on repeat from about six to midnight.

Now look, I'm as much a Kobe hater as...well, just about anyone who isn't a Lakers fan. But at the same time, I was a bit intrigued by this documentary. I expected the film to offer some insight into Kobe Bryant's personality, perhaps show his day-to-day life, what else he does besides basketball, etc. These are the kinds of things that fans (and non-fans) like to see in something like this. We know Kobe can play basketball; we see that all the time. But this was an opportunity to better understand one of the most polarizing figures in the game's history.

Well, it turns out that my expectations for this film were a bit off from what actually happened. Instead of showing the things I was looking forward to seeing, Kobe Doin' Work is pretty much a two-hour long highlight of a Lakers-Spurs game from the 2007-2008 season with Kobe Bryant narrating. I kept watching and waiting for something, anything different to happen. But the game just went on; a game, mind you, that had already taken place over a year ago.

There are three basic reasons why this documentary failed. First, the aforementioned boring content. As a viewer, you're expecting something new, something that you haven't really seen or understood before. It's sort of like understanding a shark. You know what a shark does -- it eats other fish and sea animals, and it also generally terrorizes people by randomly eating them. But when you watch, say, Planet Earth, you see the shark in a way you've never seen before. You see it doing things you didn't realize it did (i.e. the shark jumping out of the water to eat a seal. By the way, that was probably one of the coolest moments in the Planet Earth series). So when you're watching a documentary on Kobe Bryant, you want something else. You've seen Kobe drive to the hoop or pull up for a jump shot hundreds of times in games and on SportsCenter. Where's the interesting and new content? Where's Kobe jumping out of the water to eat a seal? But the point is that there's nothing really fresh here. Yeah, some of the camera angles and slow motion images were sort of cool to watch, I guess, but that's about it. Honestly, even Lakers fans had to be bored watching it.

The second reason why Kobe Doin' Work didn't work (see what I did there?) was Kobe's narration. When I say that Kobe narrated the movie, what I really mean is that he basically analyzes himself. "Well, this is why I went for a layup here." "This is why I played defense like this." "This is why I whined like a baby trying to get a foul call." If I want to hear analysis of a Lakers game, I can watch the postgame show on TNT. At least then I could listen to Charles Barkley's analysis and hearing him talk would turn the movie into at least something of a comedy. But hearing Kobe do analysis? Let's just say it's a good thing that he's one of the most talented players in the league making tons of money now so that he'll never have to worry about being a TV analyst in the future to make money.

The last reason why this film sucked was this: the final score was Lakers 106, Spurs 85. Not exactly the makings of a classic game. The game was so in hand from pretty much start to finish that Kobe sat out the fourth quarter and iced his knees. (And yes, he gave analysis on that as well). You have to think that Spike "I wish I was related to Eddie" Lee at least thought about wanting to try this again for another game because any drama that might have come as a result of a close game were squashed early on.

Here's one final thought about Kobe Doin' Work. Everyone knows that Kobe Bryant is a vocal player and a leader on his team. But as I watched the film, I couldn't help but get the feeling that Kobe was trying to talk MORE because he knew the camera was on him. As a result, he tries to sound more insightful, more commanding, and also more supportive of his teammates. If anything, rather than make Kobe seem like more of a team leader, it pretty much solidified what everyone already believed: Kobe's teammates are so scared of him that they won't ever say anything back to him.

Kobe fans might have found some strands of enjoyment and entertainment from watching the movie, but if you were smart, you did what I did: you changed the channel from ESPN2 to TNT because one of the greatest action movies ever was on TV Saturday night: The Rock. Terrorists holding the Yay Area hostage with chemical weapons, crazy Jerry Bruckheimer action, Nicolas Cage at his best (with no Southern accent), and Sean Connery in one of his last movies. Welcome to the Rock.

The Rant

I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on the blog so far, so it seems like a good time to say thank you to all of you who have ever taken time to read it. I really do appreciate it and especially enjoy having people respond to the entries. Still, if there's one thing I've heard that's been sort of a criticism, it's this: I haven't complained enough.

Apparently, a lot of people enjoy listening to me rant about random things that bother me. Why this is, I'm not totally sure. Now don't get me wrong. Do I enjoy pointing out the random problems in life? Absolutely. And if that's what the people want, that's what I'm going to give them. So this entry is dedicated to all of you who enjoy watching me get worked up over stupid stuff. Enjoy.

-I recently saw Con Air again on TV and every time I see it, one thing comes to mind: Nicolas Cage's southern accent in that movie has to be on the list of Top-10 all-time worst movie accents ever. You know how some people (okay, that includes me too) think that a southern accent makes you sound less intelligent? Nic Cage takes that theory to a whole new level.

-15 items or less at Safeway means 15 items or less; not 25 items or less. It says express lane for a reason, you illiterate fool.

-To the patrons of 24 Hour Fitness, Berkeley: how freaking hard is it to put your free weights back into the appropriate weight section after using them? Look, we're all impressed you can curl 90 pound dumbbells, you creatine-chugging freak, but if you can lift them, you can also put them back where they belong and not create a domino effect where everyone starts putting their weights in random places.

-Okay, I know Facebook is fun and we're all on it all the time. But let's not get carried away with it, kids. When you write your life story in your about me section? That's not cool. When you update your status an average of five to six times a day about everything going on in your life? That's not cool. WHEN YOU'RE THE HEAD OF SOME RANDOM FRAT AND YOU INVITE ME TO EVERY SINGLE MEETING OR EVENT VIA FACEBOOK EVENTS EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU IN 928 YEARS AND WE WEREN'T EVEN THAT GOOD OF FRIENDS TO BEGIN WITH AND I DON'T EVEN LIVE IN DAVIS ANYMORE AND LET'S BE REAL EVEN IF I WAS I'M NOT GOING TO YOUR FRAT'S FUNDRAISER AT TAQUERIA GUADALAJARA (IF ANYTHING I'D PROBABLY NOT GO THAT NIGHT JUST TO SPITE YOU). That's not cool.

-This isn't really a rant, but I just saw something on Facebook: you can become a fan of the 1996 U.S. Synchronized Swimming Team. Now I know there have been some memorable Olympic teams in the past: the original Dream Team, the '96 womens gymnastics team, and of course, the Miracle on Ice team. But apparently we've been forgetting one this whole time. Look, I'm not hating on synchronized swimming but...uh, really? Perhaps more pressing: who even thinks of creating a Facebook fan page for the 1996 U.S. Synchronized Swimming Team? Both are very valid questions in my mind.

-How can it take people so long to order pizza at Cheeseboard? There's only one kind of pizza everyday! And you can only pay cash! I'm hungry here, dude! Seriously, what can possibly be taking you so long?!

-Soulja Boy is garbage.

-Apparently the city of Berkeley held a meeting that I wasn't aware of in which the citizens all decided that they would never drive over the speed limit. Never. Doesn't matter what the situation is; the drivers of Berkeley refuse to use the the gas pedal. Honestly, it borders on absurd how slow people drive in this city. When I'm driving down a street, I feel like I'm weaving through stationary obstacles as I go around all the slow drivers. It's like watching Derek Fisher trying to guard Aaron Brooks; it looks like only one person is actually moving.

-Speaking of the Lakers, this brings me to my final rant. I'm not sure there's a more overrated coach out there than Phil Jackson. Okay, overrated isn't the right word. Maybe just...given more credit than he's deserved (okay, I guess that's basically the definition of overrated). Yeah, I know he's won nine rings. That's pretty impressive no matter how you slice it. But look at those teams: The first six championships he won were with Michael Jordan a.k.a. the greatest basketball player ever. When Jordan retired the first time in 1993, the Bulls and Jackson weren't able to win the championship. Then when he came back in 1995, it was the start of the second three-peat. Jackson then started feuding with the Bulls front office, couldn't get along with the owner and after the final Jordan championship in 1998, Jackson bounced. He said he would never coach again, but then he decided to come back a year later. It appeared he wanted a challenge. So where did he go? The most logical place for a challenge, of course... the Lakers with Shaq and Kobe. He had another three-peat there. But when Shaq and Kobe started fighting, Jackson couldn't keep them under control or get them to work together. Then the Lakers tried to go New York Yankees on the NBA by signing Karl Malone and Gary Payton...and they got dominated by the Pistons in the Finals. Then Shaq got traded to Miami (where he won another ring with Dwyane Wade). So then Phil decided he couldn't work with Kobe, left the team, wrote a book where he complained about Kobe, then decided to come back when everything was right for him again, eventually made it back to the Finals last year, and lost to the Celtics in a series that included the epic Game 4 meltdown and the Game 6 beatdown. If you're keeping track at home, that makes Phil 0-for-2 in his last two championships after being previously undefeated. Look, my mom could have coached that Jordan team and the Shaq and Kobe (pre-drama) team to championships. Phil Jackson just picks and chooses the best possible situations, never wants to try and prove himself as a coach, and when things start getting too hairy, he abandons ship. Beyonce was wrong; a diva is Phil Jackson.


(This is a stick up, stick up.)

Where Awesome Commercials Happen

I was on YouTube the other day and somehow started watching random Nike commercials. I've known this for a long time, but if there's one thing that Nike does really well, it's make commercials. Yes their products are very good too, but their commercials have helped to establish the empire that is the Swoosh. Seriously, the people on the Nike marketing team are geniuses. They could probably create a commercial for sewing and it would somehow be crazy inspiring, pump you up to sew, and then make you want to buy whatever sewing shoes they were pimping.

Anyway, in the spirit of the NBA Playoffs, I got to thinking of my favorite Nike Basketball commercials. Here's a couple of things to remember: First, I picked these commercials based on ones I had actually seen and remember well. So while there are lots of commercials from the early 90's that were extremely popular, I just plain don't remember them, so those won't be here. Second, I probably forgot some other really good ones, so feel free to let me know what an idiot I am for leaving them out.

On to the commercials...

LeBron James Chalk Commercial
We'll start off with a relatively new one. This commercial probably made you want to run out to Safeway and buy a bottle of baby powder and start doing the LeBron chalk throw in your room...or maybe that's just me. Anyway, the message of this commercial is clear: we may not be able to play basketball like LeBron, but we can sure throw chalk into the air like him.

The Freestyle Commercial
Breakdance, freestyle rap, and dribble a basketball like a crazy man. Three things I cannot do.

Lebron James "Better than me"
No, LeBron. I'm pretty sure I'd be okay with just being you.

Kobe Bryant "Love me or hate me"
This commercial pretty much epitomizes Kobe Bryant's entire career/life: people either love him or hate him. It's a very well made commercial with a strong message for everyone out there...but I still hate him.

Michael Jordan "Frozen Moments"
This commercial has always stood out in my mind when it comes to MJ spots. It's simple and gets to the point: Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever.

Another reason why I love this MJ commercial; it inspired this one...

Lil' Penny "Frozen Moments"
Remember Lil' Penny?! I think Lil' Penny made me love Penny Hardaway even more. And if there was one reason why I was sad about Penny Hardaway falling off his game (and off the face of the planet), it was because it meant no more Lil' Penny commercials. Anyway, this might not be the funniest Lil' Penny commercial out there, but it's still a classic.

The Second Coming
More than anything else, this commercial makes me wish I had a group of friends who were NBA stars that I could play pickup ball with. In an airplane hangar. With Juelz Santana and Just Blaze on the soundtrack in the background. So to any NBA guys who are interested, Facebook me.

The Redeem Team
Marvin Gaye singing the national anthem with images of the Redeem Team preparing for Beijing. This commercial is so silky smooth. It's also inspirational. I'm not sure whether I want to play basketball or enlist in the army after watching it. Anyway, if nothing else, this commercial asserts one thing: the USA is so ridiculously stacked with talent we should always be destroying any other country that picks up a basketball.

'Cause I'm proud to be an Americannnn, where at least I know I'm freeeeee

Live Long and Prosper

Okay so the new Star Trek movie is coming out on Friday and I can honestly say that this is the first movie of the year that I'm legitimately excited for. I know what you're thinking: "Wow, Eddie is some Star Trek geek. Next time we see him we have to beat him up and take his lunch money." But don't get it twisted; it's not like that. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever seen any of the old Star Trek movies all the way through or watched an episode of any of the TV shows. So you might wonder what is making me so excited for this movie?

Well, here's my honest to God answer: it just looks cool. If you haven't seen a preview yet, check it out here. For the first time, Star Trek seems to have the epic punch of a Star Wars film. Star Wars, from the very start, was always about the special effects and the huge in-your-face battle sequences. Up until this movie, I never got the impression that Star Trek was about these things. But as far as I'm concerned, it's about freaking time because I always thought Wars made Trek look weak sauce. (Also, it always bothered the hell out of me that Star Trek dudes carried "phasers" as their weapons. Those things look more like electric razors than guns. How are you supposed to cap a fool with something like that?)


Anyway, I feel like Star Trek is getting a bad rap because of the negative stereotypes that come with the series: only dweebs watch it, it's a nerdy show/movie, it's science fiction weirdness, etc, etc. And, hey, I can't lie -- I sort of felt the same way before. I always had a really hard time taking the franchise seriously. I mean, have you ever seen a Klingon? Also, one of the Star Trek shows had the dude from Reading Rainbow on the cast. Look, Reading Rainbow is a good, educational show. (Also, my cousin was apparently on it when he was younger, so high five.) But I feel like as a result from being on the show, you lose some street cred toward the rest of your acting career. (Fortunately, my cousin became a doctor instead. But LeVar Burton did not...)


Speaking of acting, I think that this movie is very well cast. Sylar from Heroes is playing Spock. Eric Bana, one of the most underrated badass actors out there, is playing Nero, although I have no clue who the Nero character is. And John Cho is in the movie too, so big ups for Korean pride!....even though he's playing a Japanese guy in the film.

Okay, so it's not perfect. But the bottom line is that this Star Trek looks like a legit, fun, and exciting movie. Here's to the Summer '09 movie season.

On a separate note, I attended the A's game last night with Steve, Michelle, and Curtis. It was one week to the night of the now infamous Giants-Dodgers game, but I'm glad to report that there were no incidents this night (if you don't know what I'm talking about, refer back to the entry from last Thursday). I think some people might have gotten the impression that what happened at the Giants-Dodgers game is a regular occurrence or something, but believe me when I say that it's really not. All the elements just came into place during that game and it just turned into the perfect storm. Either that or Ester and Rachel are really the ones to blame because they weren't at the A's game when everything was cool, but they were at last week's game when everything went crazy. I don't know...you make the call.

Anyway, I'd like to thank my boss for hooking up the free tickets (really nice seats) and the free parking. And I'd also like to thank all the A's fans for being so disloyal to their team to the point that half the stadium is empty nearly every night which forces the A's to have incredible promotions like last night's $1 hot dogs. Between the four of us, I think we had 13 or 14 dogs (although 10 were eaten by me and Curtis).

Channel your inner Kobayashi.

The Great National Swine Flu Freak Out

If there's one group of people that's actually happy about the swine flu breakout, it's probably the US Government. For the first time in months, there's something that's freaking the American people out more than the economy. But like all things that are even remotely threatening to America, the whole swine flu thing has been blown ridiculously out of proportion. The national media has gone on another scare-the-crap-out-of-you mission and it's worked like a charm. And this is the way it always happens, whether it's swine flu, avian flu, or some-other-random-animal flu. To be fair, the paranoia has gone international as well. Egypt was so scared by swine flu that the government there ordered that all 300,000 pigs in the country be killed. Uh, that's straight up crazy.

What everyone is overlooking about this whole thing is that even if you get swine flu, you're more than likely going to be okay. If you think you have symptoms, you go to your doctor, and he or she will take care of you. Boom. No problem. You want to know why so many of the people in Mexico that caught swine flu died? It's because it's freaking MEXICO. Let's be real here: Mexico isn't exactly the cleanest country in the world. Have you ever been to Tijuana? And this is the same country whose soccer fans throw urine filled ziplock bags onto the field during matches. Furthermore, the people there don't have access to the greatest health care (but they do have ready access to illegal steroids). These elements don't play well for ANY sort of health concern. Now I know health care for a lot of Americans is a joke, but in the big picture, we're still better off than Mexico. And also, last time I checked, American fans weren't throwing pee-bags onto soccer fields (probably because no Americans actually watch soccer).

You might think I'm taking the situation too lightly. I'm just being straight with you -- there's really very little threat in this disease so let's all just calm it down. But that's not to say there aren't diseases out there that really do scare me. The one that scares me most? It's one that hasn't manifested yet, but we've all seen before: the disease that turns you into a zombie. If you've seen 28 Days Later, Dawn of the Dead, Resident Evil, I Am Legend, or any other zombie movie, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I was talking with Wiley about this and we agreed that this would probably be about the worst possible pandemic to strike the world. A breakout of a disease that turns people into the walking dead, and then causes them to want to eat the flesh of the living; THAT'S a virus I think we should be really worried about.


Anyway, the point in all this is that there's a lot worse things out there right now than some pig virus. Don't buy into the hype. Just wash your hands, don't hang around sick people, and if you do start getting sick, call a doctor. So basically, do what you should be doing all the time.

We're all going to be fine... at least until the zombie virus strikes. In the meantime, maybe we should warm up the Playstation again and sharpen our Resident Evil skills.


Lock and load.