Review: The Blueprint 3

Like any good hip-hop fan, I was highly anticipating the release of Jay-Z's Blueprint 3. Was it going to be his best work? Probably not. But Hova is arguably the greatest rapper out there right now, and I had no doubt that he'd give another solid effort. It's also probably worth mentioning that Jay-Z has something of Brett Favre syndrome going on, aka the inability to retire when he says he's going to retire. Remember, The Black Album was supposed to be his retirement album. That was back in 2003. Six years ago. When I was still in high school. Jay has released three albums since then. So much for getting out of the game. Well, he did also marry Beyonce during that time. Let's be real: you have to respect him for that alone. Okay, Hov, all is forgiven.

Anyway, back to Blueprint 3. Overall, I'd say that it's an excellent album. Not a classic, but it has its moments. The first five tracks are really solid, highlighted by "Run This Town" and "Empire State of Mind." In fact, "Empire State of Mind" is so good that it actually makes me feel like I'm from New York and that I should be reppin' the big city. Let's hear it for New Yooooork!

Anyway, after the opening five songs, Blueprint 3 is exposed as a mortal album. Some of the tracks are pretty good ("Off That" feat. Drake), some of the tracks are not so good ("Venus vs. Mars"), but most of them are so-so. However, the closing song, "Young Forever" feat. Mr Hudson, is one of the best tracks on the entire CD and redeems the relative average-ness of the last stretch of songs on the album.

Actually, I can kind of compare Blueprint 3 to a typical Cal football season: lots of preseason hype, everything starts out really solid, gets you excited and eager for more, stumbles midway through, can't completely recover, turns into an up and down remainder of the season, but manages to finish with a solid bowl win in the last game of the year.

In the end, Blueprint 3 simply reflects who Jay-Z is: a legend, past his prime, but still managing to put out solid work and make people interested in what he does. So yeah, he's basically Brett Favre, just without the constant flip-flopping and Wrangler jeans commercials.

Overall Grade: A-/B+

By the way, here are my top-three Jay-Z albums of all-time. Because I know you care.
1. Reasonable Doubt
2. The Blueprint
3. The Black Album

The Roc is in the building.

Fun With The Internet

No need for an in-depth explanation here; these are just a bunch of random links to things that I find amusing/funny/cool or some combination of the three. I'd also like to give special thanks to Steve Choi for sending me YouTube links all day while at work. Several of these are courtesy of him. Thanks, Stevie. On to the fun...

1. I heard this song a couple of times recently while I was driving in the car and it brought back memories of middle school: "No, No, No Part 2" by Destiny's Child and Wyclef. This was DC's first single and launched their careers. Actually, check that. It launched Beyonce's career and slowly buried everyone else's.

2. Okay, I know Roger Federer lost the U.S. Open Final, but he still had the shot of the tournament with this between-the-legs winner. Also, I've decided that one of the sporting events that I want to attend sometime in my life is the U.S. Open. Tennis matches are normally polite-applause affairs, but the U.S. Open is sort of the "eff you" to tennis etiquette. It's in New York, the fans go crazy, it pumps the players up, and they're not afraid to show their emotions without reservation. Of course, sometimes they might take it a bit far, but that just gets everyone even more riled up.

3. Everyone knows Kanye was on Leno the other night to apologize for Taylor Swift-gate. But he also performed "Run This Town" with Jay-Z and Rihanna at the end of the show. A well done performance of probably one of the better songs of the year.

It was also nice to see hip-hop artists able to perform their song well, as opposed to Drake, Lil Wayne, and the Young Money Crew at the BET Awards earlier this year. It actually starts out not too bad with Drake performing "Best I Ever Had." He had to sit while performing because he tore his ACL like the week before, but it was kind of like watching a poetry reading or something. But after "Best I Ever Had" ends and the other rappers come out, the performance slowly gets worse and worse until you realize someone needs to just mercy kill the whole thing. Seriously, this has got to be among the bottom-five worst live hip-hop performances ever. Not just because everyone starts screaming hysterically into their mics rather than actually just rapping the lyrics, but because when they performed "Every Girl" there's a bunch of THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS DANCING LIKE HOOCHIES ON THE STAGE as the rappers scream "I wish I could f* every girl in the world!!" Even the BET audience (which is usually very easily entertained) started out feeling the performance, but slowly got less and less into it as it wore on. And wasn't it nice how about 50 percent of the performance had to be blanked out because the rappers couldn't stop cussing on TV? Well done, gentlemen.

Also, I've read on some sites that one of the girls was actually Lil' Wayne's 13 year old daughter and the other girls were her friends. Nice, Weezy. You want to know why the BET Awards are an easy target of mockery year in and year out? This is Exhibit A.

One more thing. Can we all agree that Lil' Wayne is one of the most overrated rappers ever? His lyrics are mediocre at best and, as this performance proves, he sucks even harder without the aid of auto-tune. Come on, everyone. Open your eyes. Lil' Wayne is trash.

4. Sorry, I'm all worked up now. But nothing calms me down like a nice Jamba Juice. (Thanks to Jennie Chang for this one.)

5. A dream of all baseball fans is to catch a flyball. This man's dream came true... and was then shattered by his little daughter. Nonetheless, he's a loving dad and quick to give his girl a hug. But it just goes to prove one thing: girls can get away with anything...

6. And we come to the final link. Now, I'm a Blackberry owner and proud of it. I love mine and I encourage others to buy one if they're in the market for a smart phone. Of course, the big rival to Blackberry is the iPhone. I have nothing against the iPhone, I just prefer my Blackberry. But if there was ever a reason to get an iPhone, it's because of this app. If you were to buy an iPhone over a Blackberry only because you wanted this app, I would completely understand and have nothing but respect for you.


AND DON'T FORGET: SEASON SIX OF THE OFFICE PREMIERES TONIGHT!!!!!!

Lessons in Etiquette from Serena and Kanye

There are few things that I enjoy more than ranting about something that bothers me. But if I can't be the one doing the complaining, the next best option is to watch another well accomplished complainer at work. This weekend, we were treated to not one, but TWO masters of the craft showing off their talents.

First up, there was Serena Williams at the U.S. Open on Saturday night. Here's a quick recap of what happened: Serena was called for a foot fault on her second serve at the end of her match with Kim Clijsters, which gave Clijsters match point. Serena was not pleased. She began pacing and then, well... you can just watch what happened for yourself.

(At this point, I'd like to apologize to non-tennis people out there because you probably have no idea what any of that last paragraph meant. If that's the case, I invite you to just skip ahead. Why waste each other's time, right?)

I don't think those two are going to be exchanging Christmas cards anytime soon. Anyway, the line judge in question ran over like a whipped dog, told the head ump that Serena was threatening her, and the head ump and tournament officials ultimately called an unsportsmanlike penalty on Serena, which translated into a point for Clijsters to give her the match.

Now, a foot fault is something I don't think I've ever seen called during a pro tennis match because it's the ultimate of ticky tack calls in tennis. If you're going to call one, that foot better be CLEARLY over the line (which it wasn't in Serena's case). Also, to essentially decide a match with a call like that is about as weak sauce as it comes. And it's not just any match; it's the semifinal of the US Open. This isn't some high school JV tennis match. These are skilled players and, as such, they should be ones to decide the outcome, not a ref.

Okay, so let's talk a bit about Serena's rant. Was it out of line? Yeah, probably. Was it a ridiculous loss of composure? Totally. But as someone who has yelled at a ref or two in his life, I absolutely loved it. Too many refs act like they're above the law and go on power trips because they have so much influence over a game or match. You gotta put them in their place sometimes. For that, I give you a high five, Serena.

Speaking of acting like they're above the law...

It's time for Kanye West. Funny, I had just started thinking that it had been a while since Kanye had done anything really controversial. Right on cue, Mr. West.

As we all know by now, thanks to our friends' Facebook status updates, as Taylor Swift was being given the award for Best Female Video at the MTV Video Music Awards, Kanye jumped onstage, grabbed the mic from her, and began telling the crowd (and Taylor Swift as well) how Beyonce should have won the award for "Single Ladies." Here's a complete recap and video of the incident.

Okay, let's break this down. First off, anyone who knows me knows I love Kanye. And as a Kanye fan, you sort of learn to live with his behavior and his constant need for attention. It's kind of like being a Giants fan and liking Barry Bonds. Did he do 'roids? Yeah, probably. But the guy was a native son of San Francisco, he was the best player on our team for years, he made us immeasurably better, and he made us nationally relevant. As a result, we loved him (and continue to love him) unconditionally. Same goes for Kanye. He does/says stupid and obnoxious things, but we still love him.

With all that being said, there's no way to argue that Kanye wasn't a huge douche on Sunday night. It was Taylor Swift's moment and he had to steal it away from her. But while Kanye may think he was giving Beyonce her props by saying she should have won, the only person he was putting the spotlight on was himself. Look, 'Ye, as a true fan of yours, I can only say this: get over yourself, dude. It's time to grow up and just do your thing without being so caught up in the lives of other people. I still love you, man (as long as you don't do another 808s and Heartbreak-type album), but it's getting harder and harder to defend you.

Kanye does bring up a very good point, though: how the hell did Taylor Swift beat Beyonce?? Beyonce's video KILLS Taylor Swift's! Beyonce's was innovative, entertaining, and memorable. It also became so popular that it was turned into an awesome SNL parody. Taylor Swift's video? It's basically a four minute teen chick flick. I've seen hundreds of videos like this one! And furthermore, the only reason I even watched it was because of Kanye's outburst! Maybe she should be thanking Kanye for giving her more exposure.

It should also be noted that at the end of the night, Beyonce won Video of the Year and gave her acceptance speech time to Taylor Swift. B is a classy lady and I have a ton of respect for her. She's also hella fine.

There is one more thing that's bothering me, though: Beyonce didn't win Female Video of the Year, but she won the overall Video of the Year? How is that possible? (By the way, this was annoying me so much that I just looked it up: "Single Ladies" has over 65 million hits on YouTube and "You Belong With Me" has about 3 million. The numbers never lie, people. Unless, of course, you're Bernie Madoff). The logic of these award shows lacks big time and gives further proof that they're rigged just so that more celebrities get camera time. But I guess the VMAs are a good way for MTV to stay relevant in the music world since they do just about nothing music related anymore. In fact, I'd go out on a limb and say that MTV contributes nothing positive to society as a whole. Well, except for this show, of course...

Stay classy, MTV. (That goes for you too, Serena and Kanye.)

A Shot at... Assault and Battery

I have to share my thoughts on this whole Shawne Merriman/Tila Tequila fiasco. In case you haven't heard, Merriman (who is a football player with the San Diego Chargers) allegedly choked and threw Tila Tequila to the ground after an argument last week. (Rumor has it that they're a couple, which Merriman denies.) He says, however, that he was trying to keep her from driving away intoxicated that night and was protecting her.

(As a side note, it took me a while to find a PG-13 rated picture of Tila Tequila. We're trying to keep it as clean as possible here at The Punch... for the kids. But that probably speaks volumes about Tila Tequila.)

Anyway, I got home that night and went to ESPN.com and spot the headline, "Merriman accused of assaulting Tequila." I was initially confused; is it a bad thing that Shawne Merriman assaulted Mexican alcohol? Also, what does that even mean? I eventually clicked the story to find out that it was referencing the MTV reality star. My immediate reaction wasn't, "Damn, that's terrible." It was more like, "I can't believe there's a serious news story out there that has to actually cite someone named 'Tila Tequila.'"

But I really can't stand that flooz, mainly because I can't figure out how she became famous enough to get her own reality show. Is it because she's hot? I see hotter girls than her walking down the street all the time. Is it because she's bi-sexual? This is the Yay Area; there's a good chance some of those girls walking down the street have "bi" on their resumes as well. I don't know; I really can't figure it out.

I have to give her credit for one thing, though -- the premise of Shot at Love was pretty ingenious. The popularity of reality shows relies on their potential for absurd and ridiculous drama. (Why do you think T.O. has his own show?) And what better way to create absurd and ridiculous drama than to have straight men and lesbian women chasing after the same person? It was destined to be a success from day one.

Anyway, for the record, I'm not a huge Shawne Merriman fan either. I personally think the dude is a douche. And rumor has it that Chargers management doesn't like his extracurricular activities off the football field and they're going to let him go once his contract is up. Also, it's unclear who the person at fault in this incident is with all the he said, she said going on. But Merriman does have this in his favor in terms of credibility: his name isn't "Tila Tequila." Seriously, I feel so much dumber every time I even say her name. Go ahead and try it. Say "Tila Tequila" five times in a row and keep in mind that she seriously calls herself that. You'll understand what I mean.

Okay, slight update. I just read on Tila's Wikipedia that she claims she couldn't have been drunk that night with Merriman because she has some sort of allergy to alcohol. If that's true, then she officially has the worst stage name ever. I would say it's the most ironic thing I've heard in recent memory, until I read this story.


Well played, NFL. You win.

UPDATE: Since we're on the topic of irony, this story needs to be shared as well. A staunch conservative Republican assemblyman, who was once given a 100% rating by an organization that supports "traditional family values," was caught on tape during a break at an assembly meeting describing in graphic detail not one, but TWO different affairs he was having with young, female lobbyists. I would say it's disappointing, but this type of thing happens so often that I wasn't even surprised. I honestly found it more hilarious than anything else. You think young, in-shape athletes get all the chicks? Wrong. Fat, old white congressmen are the ones getting the most action.

Big Trouble in Little China

The Punch is finally back after a two week trip to China. I had originally hoped to write some posts while overseas and keep people updated on my travels. However, the Chinese government has taken the liberty of blocking several websites from the public. This includes dangerous websites such as Facebook, YouTube, and any site with the word "blog" in it. So the running diary was not meant to be. But now that we're back in America where freedom rings (U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!), I figure I'd dedicate this entry to the China trip.

I had thought about going into detail about my various stops in China, but realized I was going to just be rambling on and on -- and that's not really what people want to read. So instead, here are a few observations I made during my time in China...

1. Chinese people are impatient
Exhibit A: Me and Alex Shen were waiting for the subway and were first in line to get on. As the train pulls into the station, we're suddenly being pushed up to the doors by the mass group of people trying to get prime position to get on the car. Waiting their turn to get on was out of the question, and they instead insisted on being the first ones on, even if it meant trampling us in the process. I felt like I needed some riot gear and tear gas to keep them back.

Exhibit B: When I first landed in Beijing, the plane had just pulled up to the gate and people were starting to grab their bags and line up in the aisles to deplane. As I'm standing there, I feel a sudden push at my right arm. There's an old Chinese woman forcing her way through and around people to get to the front. Mind you, the doors aren't even open yet; no one can move. But this lady was on a mission. That or she was told there was a prize for being the first one off.

2. You can never be careful enough about what you eat in foreign countries.
For the first 13 of my 15 days in China, I managed to avoid getting sick from eating anything. I consider this a particular victory when one considers that the last time I was in Asia (Korea 2006), I got absurdly sick from eating something. Like, really sick. Long story short, it was a pretty miserable two or three days, and one of my goals on the China trip was to not replicate that. On day number 14 of 15, however, the streak was broken. My last night in China, I started feeling pretty bad in my stomach. Needless to say, a long night ensued. (BTW, I'm pretty sure I got sick from eating a Dairy Queen Blizzard. It wasn't even Chinese food; it was an American concoction. My home country betrayed me. In spite of that, I'm pretty forgiving, so I'll probably be back in line at a DQ by the end of the month because, damn, DQ Blizzards are awesome.)

The one thing I had to remind myself of was that I was going to embark on a 10-12 hour plane ride in the morning. This left me with two choices: One, hope by some miracle of God that the bad food would somehow naturally pass through my system by morning. Or two, force it out. After feeling pretty terrible for three hours or so in the middle of the night, I decided to go with option two meaning I pretty much had to force myself to throw up. I'll spare you the details, but I felt like a bulimic teenager. Anyway, it ended up working for the most part. I popped some Immodium throughout flight home and I made back to the states without any major incidents.

3. Stuff in China may be cheap, but you've got to stick to your principles
The exchange rate in China is about 6.8 Yuan to the dollar. Let's put that in perspective: a combo meal at McDonalds (which probably costs around six or seven dollars with tax in America) costs about 24 Yuan in China, or less than four dollars American. So for an American to be in China, it's a pretty good deal.

Still, you've got to stand up for yourself and your wallet a little. After a two day hike through the mountains above Tiger Leaping Gorge, our backpacking group of five wanted to make the descent to bottom of the gorge to see the river. There was an old woman there, however, whose family had apparently built a path down to the river and they were charging 10 yuan per person to walk down it. Now, look, 10 yuan is not even $1.50 American. But we had already paid 50 Yuan to climb the mountain, and now this old woman wanted more? Again, it's not a ton of money, but the PRINCIPLE of it made us argue with her for a while. In the end, we ended up paying the fare. You might think we were kind of dumb to fight about this with a woman who didn't have very much, but being in China does something to you. You think less in terms of how much something costs, and more in terms of whether you should be paying a certain amount period.

Alex Shen made a pretty good point though: it's a lot cheaper to make it rain in China.

4. No place like home
As much as I enjoyed my time in China, it's nice to be back in the U.S. It's nice to be able to eat without having to worry about whether it'll make me sick. It's nice to be able to use my cell phone freely. It's nice to be able to go on Facebook. And it's nice to be able to drive knowing that the majority of the other drivers are going to obey traffic laws.

Oh, and it was nice to come back and have the same songs that were played on the radio non-stop when I left, still playing non-stop when I returned... namely Drake "Best I Ever Had" and Keri Hilson/Ne-Yo/Kanye "Knocks You Down." Seriously... aren't people tired of these songs yet?


Anyway, it's good to be home.