The Most Agonizing Olympics Video Ever

In case you missed it, there was a painful ending to the 10,000 meters event in speed skating. The complete story is here (video here), but basically with eight laps to go, Sven Kramer of the Netherlands failed to make a lane change resulting in him being automatically disqualified. Even worse was the fact that he didn't realize the mistake until after he had finished the race. Even worse was the fact that he finished with the gold medal time, four seconds faster than the next racer. Even worse was the fact that it would have been his second gold medal of the Games. And even worse was the fact that it was actually his coach's fault, who incorrectly instructed him to change lanes.

My immediate reaction to the coach was, "Wow. What an idiot." And let's face it - it was a pretty stupid mistake. But you could see him afterward with his head in his hands feeling pretty terrible about what he had done, and you couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy.

And then I found this video which shows the camera that remained on the Dutch coach for the entire race. And after I saw this, I almost wanted to cry with him. It's just painful to watch. He realizes the mistake he made and you can see the dread and sickness that slowly overcomes him. It only gets worse as you see him put on his happy face and continue to coach and encourage his skater each time he passes, and then as soon as Kramer skates past, the coach just looks like he's going to throw up.

(It actually reminded me of a scene from Friday Night Lights after the team's star running back Boobie Miles suffers a serious knee injury. After the game in the locker room, the team is sitting around worried, waiting to hear about Boobie's status. The coach (Billy Bob Thornton) talks to the doctor who basically tells him that Boobie's knee is really messed up. Billy Bob is sick to his stomach, but eventually walks out with a smile and tells the team that Boobie's going to be all right and that they should celebrate their victory. As soon as he walks out of the locker room, though, the sick face is back.)

Anyway, as dumb a mistake as it was to make, this guy has my sympathy, especially after watching the video of him. Someone get this man a drink. And a hug.

Midway Olympics Update

Over halfway though the Olympics. Let's recap the Games thus far...

Biggest surprise: Bode Miller. It only took him two Olympics, but he's finally getting things right. Who would have thought that you could perform better in an athletic competition when you're not staying out late and getting drunk the night before you compete? Quite the revelation.

Least surprising: Apolo Ohno is still public enemy number one in Korea. In case you were wondering, the list of the most hated people in South Korea goes something like this:

1. Apolo Ohno
2. Apolo Ohno
3. Kim Jong-Il

Speaking of which...

Most overplayed story: Apolo Ohno becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympian ever. Okay, yes, he's won seven medals. An impressive feat. But only two are gold. And none of those golds have come in Vancouver (so far). Bonnie Blair won five gold medals and one bronze. I find that more impressive. I don't know... am I the only person who thinks this is a semi-accomplishment?

Second most overplayed story: Lindsey Vonn's shin. Okay, we get it. Lindsey Vonn hurt her shin. And it's badly bruised. And it hurts to ski on. And she has to limp when she walks. And she's using cheese to try and heal it. And she's incredibly heroic to even try and compete. And all this makes her winning a gold medal that much greater. And just in case you missed any of that, NBC will remind you of it at least 17 more times by the end of the day.

Biggest fail: Lindsey Jacobellis. After her hotdogging at the 2006 Olympics cost her a gold medal in the snowboard cross, she didn't even get out of the semifinal round this time, thus dashing her hopes for redemption. You can't get me to feel sorry for her. If you're going to be an idiot, be prepared to feel the effects of your idiocy for a long time.

Biggest WTF moment: The Russian ice dancing couple that dressed up like Aboriginal tribespeople and did a routine to "traditional" Aboriginal music. Seriously? These have to be the most ridiculous costumes I've ever seen since... well, okay, probably since the men's figure skating competition. The couple claims that they did their research on the Internet, so everything is accurate. Because, as we all know, the Internet would never, ever be wrong. I'm not sure what's more mind-boggling: that this routine was allowed to continue in spite of its blatant racism, or the fact that people still think that ice dancing is a sport.

(Yes, they are rubbing noses. No word on whether they think that's part of Aboriginal culture as well.)

Biggest douche: Tie. First, there's Lee Jung-Su, the Korean speed skater who won the 1,500 meters after his two teammates crashed out on the final turn, allowing Apolo Ohno to win the silver. This is what he said postrace:

“Ohno didn’t deserve to stand on the same medal platform as me,” Lee Jung-su told the Yonhap News Agency after he won the 1,500-meter gold. “I was so enraged that it was hard for me to contain myself during the victory ceremony.”

Wow. Calm down, fool. YOU still won the gold. And if your one idiot teammate hadn't gotten greedy and tried to pass your other teammate in the last 15 yards, but instead got tangled up and wiped both of them out of the race completely, Korea could have swept the top three spots while Ohno would be on the outside looking in at fourth. Can you imagine if that had happened? Korea would have probably declared a national holiday. But instead, Apolo Ohno continues to be hated for largely not doing anything wrong. Anyway, I think the main point in all this is that no one will be happier about Apolo Ohno finally retiring than the Korean speed skating team.

Our second douche is Yevgeny Plushenko, the Russian male figure skater who came in second to Evan Lysacek. Here's his fun little quote:

"I was positive that I won," Plushenko said. "But I saw that Evan needs a medal more than I do. Maybe because I already have one."

Nice, dude. He followed that up with this:

"I said I would be happy with second, third or even fifth place after not skating for three and a half years before this," he said. "So this is not bad, not bad at all."

Uh, are you sure about that?

Best thing to look forward to in the last half of the games: Tie. First, there's women's figure skating which, somehow, always becomes one of the most interesting events to watch. It's also funny how when you watch it on TV, you and your friends suddenly turn into expert figure skating analysts. "Ooh, that spin wasn't tight enough." Or, "Did you see that slip on that landing? That's going to be huge."

Second: men's hockey. After the US upset Canada, hockey has suddenly gotten much more interesting. Canada now has to play an extra game to get into the medal tournament. Now, the extra game itself isn't really that huge because they're playing Germany who they should be able to handle. But it will likely set up a quarterfinal matchup with the Russians, who many people saw as a potential gold medal team as well. So one of these two teams will be going home without a medal. And it'll be even more of a shock if Canada leaves empty-handed considering they play every single one of their games in front of a home crowd.


By the way, in case you didn't know, there are two requirements to being a Canadian: first, you have to play hockey. Second, you have to be born in Canada. That's it. And in that order.

Anyway, let's all enjoy the last of the Games. Only one more week of staying up too late to watch sports that you would never watch otherwise.

Comic Relief for your Friday

Some of you have been pestering me... I mean... asking me about writing another post. Unfortunately, it's been a busy week for me and when that happens, The Punch is the first to feel the effects. Kind of like higher education, when California needs to come up with a solution to its budget deficit.

Anyway, the week is finally winding down. Hallelujah. As I was trying to find distractions to actual work, I came upon this clip from The Daily Show and figured it needed to be shared with everyone. I haven't seen the show in a while and all I can say is that I've forgotten how hilarious it is. Enjoy. Happy weekend, everyone.

UPDATE: Okay, here's one more for you. High five, John Oliver. The kids are hilarious.

Review: The Hurt Locker

I have a confession to make to you, the fine readers of this blog: I've led you all astray. Let me tell you how. In my review-of-2009 posting, I wrote that Avatar was the best movie of the year. The visual effects, the action, the weird dragon things; it all seemed so amazing. However, I stand greatly corrected. Avatar is not the best movie of 2009; The Hurt Locker is the best movie of 2009. Now before Avatar fans start showing up at my door with pitchforks and torches (and probably in blue body paint), let me explain.

The Hurt Locker is probably one of the most tense and suspenseful movies I've ever watched. The movie follows an army company in Iraq whose duty it is to disarm explosive devices. It sounds like a simple enough premise, but as you watch the process that goes into the disarmament of these explosives, you become more and more nervous. It's not so much because bad things are necessarily happening (a bomb exploding), but it's because you know that the potential of something terrible happening is ridiculously high (waiting for a bomb to possibly explode).

The viewer also gets a look into the minds of these men. There are no cheesy speeches or over-the-top touching moments. It's just soldiers being honest about the dangers of what they do and the reality of possibly dying at any moment on any given day. It's also not Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp who's leading this movie. It's three relative unknown actors, all average looking guys you would walk past in the supermarket and not think about twice. In other words, they could be your average soldier fighting in Iraq who you never think about twice. There are no heroes in this movie. There are no eye-popping action sequences. Just the human psyche at its best on full display and the incredible power of not knowing how any situation will turn out.

There's no political message in this movie (unlike Avatar), there's fantastic character development (unlike Avatar), and the plot is never certain until the final credits roll (unlike Avatar). This is not to say that Avatar was a bad movie because it was an absolutely incredible feat of movie-making and was wildly entertaining. But after seeing something like The Hurt Locker, I'm much more blown away by its ability to keep you on the edge of your seat through smart dialogue, tension-filled scenes, strong acting, and unpredictability, rather than just blowing stuff up like crazy in Avatar.

Oh yeah, the budget for Avatar: $237 million. The budget for The Hurt Locker: $11 million. It's like Biggie said, "Mo' money, mo' problems."

As people start to put these two movies in the Oscar discussion, it will be intriguing to see where Hollywood stands. Interestingly, and you may have heard this already, Kathryn Bigelow, the director of The Hurt Locker, is the ex-wife of James Cameron. If she beats her ex in either the Best Director or Best Picture category, chalk one up for Miss Independent.

And speaking of the Oscars, I had always been under the impression that I never really watched the movies that were typically up for best movie honors at those award shows. This might have something to do with my movie tastes being a little bit, shall we say, different (i.e. one of my favorite movies ever is Mission: Impossible III). But after doing some research, it turns out that I actually watch a lot of the so-called best movies. And chances are, my friends, that you have too. These are the movies selected Best Movie of the Year at the Academy Awards in the last ten years:

1999: American Beauty

2000: Gladiator

2001: A Beautiful Mind

2002: Chicago

2003: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

2004: Million Dollar Baby

2005: Crash
(This movie, by the way, is in my top-10 most overrated movies of all-time. It basically taught us that racism is still alive in America. We needed a movie to tell us that? Please. The real reason it won was because old white people thought that by selecting Crash, it would make them appear progressive and they could give themselves a pat on the back. Watch it again. It's extremely mediocre. Also, let's not forget that Crash had Ludacris in it; the same guy who rapped about having hos in different area codes.)

2006: The Departed

2007: No Country for Old Men

2008: Slumdog Millionaire

I've seen eight of them. The two I haven't seen are Chicago (probably won't ever watch it) and No Country for Old Men (in the Netflix queue).

So what does this mean exactly? The initial reaction is that my movie tastes have become more mature with time. I highly doubt this, though, because I consider Will Ferrell to be an American icon. It's also my opinion that one of the best movies of 2009 was The Hangover.


Let's just say that my movie sense is... developing. Yeah, developing. That's it. That sounds good. Let's go with that. Developing.

But we're getting off track. So here's what I want you to do: put down your torch and pitchfork, go watch The Hurt Locker, compare it to Avatar, and come back and tell me how right I am. Thanks.