Midway Olympics Update

Over halfway though the Olympics. Let's recap the Games thus far...

Biggest surprise: Bode Miller. It only took him two Olympics, but he's finally getting things right. Who would have thought that you could perform better in an athletic competition when you're not staying out late and getting drunk the night before you compete? Quite the revelation.

Least surprising: Apolo Ohno is still public enemy number one in Korea. In case you were wondering, the list of the most hated people in South Korea goes something like this:

1. Apolo Ohno
2. Apolo Ohno
3. Kim Jong-Il

Speaking of which...

Most overplayed story: Apolo Ohno becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympian ever. Okay, yes, he's won seven medals. An impressive feat. But only two are gold. And none of those golds have come in Vancouver (so far). Bonnie Blair won five gold medals and one bronze. I find that more impressive. I don't know... am I the only person who thinks this is a semi-accomplishment?

Second most overplayed story: Lindsey Vonn's shin. Okay, we get it. Lindsey Vonn hurt her shin. And it's badly bruised. And it hurts to ski on. And she has to limp when she walks. And she's using cheese to try and heal it. And she's incredibly heroic to even try and compete. And all this makes her winning a gold medal that much greater. And just in case you missed any of that, NBC will remind you of it at least 17 more times by the end of the day.

Biggest fail: Lindsey Jacobellis. After her hotdogging at the 2006 Olympics cost her a gold medal in the snowboard cross, she didn't even get out of the semifinal round this time, thus dashing her hopes for redemption. You can't get me to feel sorry for her. If you're going to be an idiot, be prepared to feel the effects of your idiocy for a long time.

Biggest WTF moment: The Russian ice dancing couple that dressed up like Aboriginal tribespeople and did a routine to "traditional" Aboriginal music. Seriously? These have to be the most ridiculous costumes I've ever seen since... well, okay, probably since the men's figure skating competition. The couple claims that they did their research on the Internet, so everything is accurate. Because, as we all know, the Internet would never, ever be wrong. I'm not sure what's more mind-boggling: that this routine was allowed to continue in spite of its blatant racism, or the fact that people still think that ice dancing is a sport.

(Yes, they are rubbing noses. No word on whether they think that's part of Aboriginal culture as well.)

Biggest douche: Tie. First, there's Lee Jung-Su, the Korean speed skater who won the 1,500 meters after his two teammates crashed out on the final turn, allowing Apolo Ohno to win the silver. This is what he said postrace:

“Ohno didn’t deserve to stand on the same medal platform as me,” Lee Jung-su told the Yonhap News Agency after he won the 1,500-meter gold. “I was so enraged that it was hard for me to contain myself during the victory ceremony.”

Wow. Calm down, fool. YOU still won the gold. And if your one idiot teammate hadn't gotten greedy and tried to pass your other teammate in the last 15 yards, but instead got tangled up and wiped both of them out of the race completely, Korea could have swept the top three spots while Ohno would be on the outside looking in at fourth. Can you imagine if that had happened? Korea would have probably declared a national holiday. But instead, Apolo Ohno continues to be hated for largely not doing anything wrong. Anyway, I think the main point in all this is that no one will be happier about Apolo Ohno finally retiring than the Korean speed skating team.

Our second douche is Yevgeny Plushenko, the Russian male figure skater who came in second to Evan Lysacek. Here's his fun little quote:

"I was positive that I won," Plushenko said. "But I saw that Evan needs a medal more than I do. Maybe because I already have one."

Nice, dude. He followed that up with this:

"I said I would be happy with second, third or even fifth place after not skating for three and a half years before this," he said. "So this is not bad, not bad at all."

Uh, are you sure about that?

Best thing to look forward to in the last half of the games: Tie. First, there's women's figure skating which, somehow, always becomes one of the most interesting events to watch. It's also funny how when you watch it on TV, you and your friends suddenly turn into expert figure skating analysts. "Ooh, that spin wasn't tight enough." Or, "Did you see that slip on that landing? That's going to be huge."

Second: men's hockey. After the US upset Canada, hockey has suddenly gotten much more interesting. Canada now has to play an extra game to get into the medal tournament. Now, the extra game itself isn't really that huge because they're playing Germany who they should be able to handle. But it will likely set up a quarterfinal matchup with the Russians, who many people saw as a potential gold medal team as well. So one of these two teams will be going home without a medal. And it'll be even more of a shock if Canada leaves empty-handed considering they play every single one of their games in front of a home crowd.


By the way, in case you didn't know, there are two requirements to being a Canadian: first, you have to play hockey. Second, you have to be born in Canada. That's it. And in that order.

Anyway, let's all enjoy the last of the Games. Only one more week of staying up too late to watch sports that you would never watch otherwise.