I have to share my thoughts on this whole Shawne Merriman/Tila Tequila fiasco. In case you haven't heard, Merriman (who is a football player with the San Diego Chargers) allegedly choked and threw Tila Tequila to the ground after an argument last week. (Rumor has it that they're a couple, which Merriman denies.) He says, however, that he was trying to keep her from driving away intoxicated that night and was protecting her.
(As a side note, it took me a while to find a PG-13 rated picture of Tila Tequila. We're trying to keep it as clean as possible here at The Punch... for the kids. But that probably speaks volumes about Tila Tequila.)
Anyway, I got home that night and went to ESPN.com and spot the headline, "Merriman accused of assaulting Tequila." I was initially confused; is it a bad thing that Shawne Merriman assaulted Mexican alcohol? Also, what does that even mean? I eventually clicked the story to find out that it was referencing the MTV reality star. My immediate reaction wasn't, "Damn, that's terrible." It was more like, "I can't believe there's a serious news story out there that has to actually cite someone named 'Tila Tequila.'"
But I really can't stand that flooz, mainly because I can't figure out how she became famous enough to get her own reality show. Is it because she's hot? I see hotter girls than her walking down the street all the time. Is it because she's bi-sexual? This is the Yay Area; there's a good chance some of those girls walking down the street have "bi" on their resumes as well. I don't know; I really can't figure it out.
I have to give her credit for one thing, though -- the premise of Shot at Love was pretty ingenious. The popularity of reality shows relies on their potential for absurd and ridiculous drama. (Why do you think T.O. has his own show?) And what better way to create absurd and ridiculous drama than to have straight men and lesbian women chasing after the same person? It was destined to be a success from day one.
Anyway, for the record, I'm not a huge Shawne Merriman fan either. I personally think the dude is a douche. And rumor has it that Chargers management doesn't like his extracurricular activities off the football field and they're going to let him go once his contract is up. Also, it's unclear who the person at fault in this incident is with all the he said, she said going on. But Merriman does have this in his favor in terms of credibility: his name isn't "Tila Tequila." Seriously, I feel so much dumber every time I even say her name. Go ahead and try it. Say "Tila Tequila" five times in a row and keep in mind that she seriously calls herself that. You'll understand what I mean.
Okay, slight update. I just read on Tila's Wikipedia that she claims she couldn't have been drunk that night with Merriman because she has some sort of allergy to alcohol. If that's true, then she officially has the worst stage name ever. I would say it's the most ironic thing I've heard in recent memory, until I read this story.
Well played, NFL. You win.
UPDATE: Since we're on the topic of irony, this story needs to be shared as well. A staunch conservative Republican assemblyman, who was once given a 100% rating by an organization that supports "traditional family values," was caught on tape during a break at an assembly meeting describing in graphic detail not one, but TWO different affairs he was having with young, female lobbyists. I would say it's disappointing, but this type of thing happens so often that I wasn't even surprised. I honestly found it more hilarious than anything else. You think young, in-shape athletes get all the chicks? Wrong. Fat, old white congressmen are the ones getting the most action.
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