MLB Playoff Preview

If it's October, it must mean one thing: the MLB playoffs; aka the only time baseball is actually really fun to watch on TV. I came to one conclusion after watching the first round of the playoffs: each eliminated team could blame one player for their ousting. Here's the rundown:

Colorado Rockies: Huston Street
I've never had that much faith in Huston Street. Maybe it's because he battles stretches of extreme inconsistency where he's either unhittable, or he's so bad that he wouldn't be able to get your grandma out. Unfortunately for the Rockies, the latter was the case during the NLDS.

NLDS stat line: 2.2 IP, 6H, 4ER, 3BB, 2 losses, and 1 blown save.


St. Louis Cardinals: Matt Holliday
Dude, just catch the freaking ball and the game is yours. Just imagine if the Cards had won Game 2. The series goes back to St. Louis tied at one and probably ends up going the full five. Instead, the Dodgers take control and sweep. Think this might have an effect on Matt Holliday's contract offers next year? Yeah.. probably not. Some team will end up overpaying for him and he can bathe himself clean of that dropped flyball with his millions of dollars.

NLDS stat line: Worst time for a dropped flyball ever.

Minnesota Twins: Joe Nathan
One of the best closers in the game, Joe came undone in the ALDS. He was three outs from stealing Game 2 in the Bronx, and then melted down. (It also was probably a bad omen that the two guys he had to face first in that ninth inning were Tex and A-Rod who were lifetime .500 hitters against him.) At least it came during the playoffs and not during the regular season, so your fantasy team was safe.

ALDS stat line: 2 games, 2.0 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 1 HR, 1 blown save

Boston Red Sox: David Ortiz
I know Papelbon was the guy on the mound and allowed the Angels to comeback and eventually eliminate the Sox, but let's face it -- Ortiz pretty much brought down the Red Sox this year. His positive steroid test pretty much confirmed what Red Sox fans had been in denial of for years, and now that he's off the juice he's been exposed for what he really is: an overweight baseball player with mediocre skills. Papi needs a hug.

ALDS stat line: 3 games, 1-for-12, 4 strikeouts, 0 RBI

But like Mark McGwire, I'm not here to talk about the past. My team to beat? The Yankees. They look good. Real good. They're pitching well and coming up with timely hitting. But perhaps the most important thing? They seem loose and it looks like they're actually having fun playing. Also crucial: postseason A-Rod is hitting the ball like regular season A-Rod. If they end up winning the whole thing, Yankee fans need to line up for the next Kate Hudson movie the day after the World Series ends.

Anyway, we're down to four teams, so here's The Punch's Championship Series predictions.

ALCS
Yankees in 6.
MVP: Tex

NLCS:
Phillies in 7.
MVP: The temp aka Ryan Howard.

There's only one October! (Just like there's only one of every other month too....)

The Greatest Episode of The Office Ever

The title pretty much says it all. Six seasons of The Office have been leading up this episode and it absolutely delivered in every way possible. Sure, the wedding of everyone's favorite TV couple was great and that's the main reason why we tuned in. But the episode as a whole was arguably one of the funniest in recent memory. I'm pretty sure I've watched it five times since it aired on Thursday. I can't get enough. Anyway, I present to you my top-five Office wedding episode moments.

(Also, did anyone else notice that Pam's sister was really hot? Watch it again. Seriously, she's pretty fine.)

5. The entire office puking
Good Lord, this was one of the most random, but also most hilarious opening sequences ever. There's just something about watching a chain reaction puking that's comic gold. Awesome. And how can you not like Creed sitting there eating his noodles while everyone is throwing up around him?

4. Kevin
Kevin has been finding more and more hilarious moments as the show progresses. He came through yet again with his tissue box shoes, the hair piece, and the resting of his feet in the ice machine. So childish, so goofy, so awesome. How can you not love Kevin?

3. Dwight's wolf shirt
Let's be honest: the wolf shirt is the epitome of Dwight Schrute. And how can you argue with it when it helped him to hook up with Pam's friend? AAWOOOOO!!

2. Andy tearing his scrotum
I have to say that Andy is climbing the ladder of my favorite characters on The Office. The way he tries so hard to fit in and be accepted while letting everyone walk all over him, and how nothing ever goes right for him, you can't help but laugh. It just goes to prove that it's always funny as long as it's not happening to you. And a torn scrotum pretty much fits the bill.

Anyway, this event led to one of my favorite exchanges of the entire episode:

Meredith: Crotch injuries are the worst. You don't need to tell me.
Andy: ...I wasn't telling you.
Meredith: Is there still something there?
Andy: Excuse me?
Meredith: They didn't get torn off?
Andy: Nothing got torn off! Who told you that?!
Jim: I may have told some people that. I'm nervous. I'm about to get married.

1. Forever
What else would number one be? The entire episode was building up to this moment and it was awesome. The wedding could have been done super cheesy and sappy, with deep vows between Jim and Pam, and honestly that would have been fine. But it really turned into an Office kind of wedding ceremony. I also loved how the whole thing was edited between the dancing down the aisle and Jim and Pam out at Niagara Falls. It was the perfect mix of humor and sweetness, and when it was all over, you couldn't help but smile just like Michael did at the end. (By the way, I realize some people didn't know the connection to the infamous YouTube video. Watch it and it'll all make sense.)

Also, "Forever" is ridiculously catchy. Yes, I know Chris Brown isn't exactly the model human being, but you can't help but sing along and enjoy the song.

One more bonus moment: I think the sweetest moment of the episode was when Jim comforted Pam, who was distraught after tearing her veil, by promptly grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting his tie in half. You want to know why all girls love Jim Halpert? Exhibit A. I mean, damn, the guy comes through in the clutch so often that part of ME wants to marry him.

Anyway, all in all, The Office wedding was everything we could have asked for and more. See you at the baby's birth.

Ay Papi! - Lessons from Miami

I recently took a trip to Miami with several friends for a good old fashioned vacation. Here are some things that I learned...

1. Miami may as well be a foreign country
There's a line in the Will Smith song "Miami" that goes something like, "Real sweet faces/ Every different nation/ Spanish, Haitian, Indian, Jamaican/ Black, White, Cuban, and Asian."

That line is pretty accurate... if you take out Indian, Black, White, and Asian. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw less than ten other Asians the entire time I was in Miami. The majority of the white people I saw were Oklahomans down in Miami to watch the football game. As for Indians? I certainly didn't see any House of Curries in South Beach.

Anyway, I really felt like I was in South America or something. Everyone speaks Spanish, has a Spanish accent, and I'd say over half of the signs around the city are written in Spanish. Sorry, Fresh Prince, but diversity is not really the name of the game in Miami.


2. If you're Hispanic/Latino, your radio stations are set to a different dial than everyone else's.
This one night, we went out to a club that a cab driver recommended. "It's in a good area, people like it a lot, I haven't heard anything bad about it, etc." Okay, guy, I'll take your advice. We're a bunch of Asian kids who don't know the area so we appreciate any tips we can get. There was, however, one thing that the driver neglected to mention: the club was about 98.5 percent Latino.
Needless to say, we stood out pretty good there. This point was driven home when the DJ started playing random Reggaeton songs that I had never heard of, but everyone else in the club knew all the words and was singing the lyrics in unison. Oh, and then there was also the time when the DJ asked for the following ethnic groups to make some noise: DOMINCANOS! CUBANOS! MEXICANOS! PUERTO RICANS!

So, yeah, it was a little awkward. I should say that it actually didn't turn out to be that bad once they started playing more mainstream songs. Plus, it was a good lesson in race relations. You know how when you go to a restaurant in Berkeley and there's that huge group of Asians sitting at a table but you also notice that one random white kid who's with them? And you can't help but laugh a little bit? Now I know what it's like to be the white kid.

3. Want to know who's not from around here? Go to the beach.
There's a few things you can count on when you go to a beach in Miami: gorgeous views, incredibly blue water that's actually warm enough to swim in, and Europeans who are wearing either a) a way too tight speedo if they're men, or b) no top and a thong if they're women. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it. Okay, well, I know how I feel about the men in speedos. But the women going topless thing, I have mixed feelings about. How can you complain about beautiful women being half-naked you might ask? Well, sure, there are lots of beautiful, young women who do it. But there are also lots of not-so-beautiful, older women who do it as well. And it's one of those things where you can't help but look... no bueno.

Yeah I don't know, man, the whole thing is just weird. Let's all just keep our clothes on, please.

4. Free checked bags on Southwest? Nah, I'm good.
Southwest Airlines allows you to check not one, but TWO bags for FREE. Once again, that's TWO BAGS FOR FREE. And yet, so many people on my flight decided to CARRY EVERYTHING ON. The problem in doing this is that the carry-on bins get completely filled up, which leads to passengers walking up and down the aisles looking to stuff their bag in any space possible, and when they can't find it, the stewardess then has to check the bags down below the plane anyway, and we end up leaving 20 minutes late. Also, when we de-plane, it takes that much longer to get off because everyone has so many freaking bags in random areas of the plane.

I realize that carrying on bags is a matter of convenience so that you don't need to wait at the baggage claim, but if we end up leaving late and then sit on the plane longer when we land so people can gather their bags, isn't convenience no longer applicable? Am I the only person who thinks this? Anyone? Bueller?

Anyway, Miami was a good time and a place that everyone should check out. But the weather conditions will eventually catch up to you. Seriously, 90-plus degrees with humidity makes it easier to come back home where it's actually comfortable to walk around outside. West side 'til we die.


And finally, on a completely unrelated note, The Office wedding last night was one of the greatest episodes of the show ever. Period. If you haven't already, watch it now. Seriously. Now.


PB and J!

Review: The Blueprint 3

Like any good hip-hop fan, I was highly anticipating the release of Jay-Z's Blueprint 3. Was it going to be his best work? Probably not. But Hova is arguably the greatest rapper out there right now, and I had no doubt that he'd give another solid effort. It's also probably worth mentioning that Jay-Z has something of Brett Favre syndrome going on, aka the inability to retire when he says he's going to retire. Remember, The Black Album was supposed to be his retirement album. That was back in 2003. Six years ago. When I was still in high school. Jay has released three albums since then. So much for getting out of the game. Well, he did also marry Beyonce during that time. Let's be real: you have to respect him for that alone. Okay, Hov, all is forgiven.

Anyway, back to Blueprint 3. Overall, I'd say that it's an excellent album. Not a classic, but it has its moments. The first five tracks are really solid, highlighted by "Run This Town" and "Empire State of Mind." In fact, "Empire State of Mind" is so good that it actually makes me feel like I'm from New York and that I should be reppin' the big city. Let's hear it for New Yooooork!

Anyway, after the opening five songs, Blueprint 3 is exposed as a mortal album. Some of the tracks are pretty good ("Off That" feat. Drake), some of the tracks are not so good ("Venus vs. Mars"), but most of them are so-so. However, the closing song, "Young Forever" feat. Mr Hudson, is one of the best tracks on the entire CD and redeems the relative average-ness of the last stretch of songs on the album.

Actually, I can kind of compare Blueprint 3 to a typical Cal football season: lots of preseason hype, everything starts out really solid, gets you excited and eager for more, stumbles midway through, can't completely recover, turns into an up and down remainder of the season, but manages to finish with a solid bowl win in the last game of the year.

In the end, Blueprint 3 simply reflects who Jay-Z is: a legend, past his prime, but still managing to put out solid work and make people interested in what he does. So yeah, he's basically Brett Favre, just without the constant flip-flopping and Wrangler jeans commercials.

Overall Grade: A-/B+

By the way, here are my top-three Jay-Z albums of all-time. Because I know you care.
1. Reasonable Doubt
2. The Blueprint
3. The Black Album

The Roc is in the building.

Fun With The Internet

No need for an in-depth explanation here; these are just a bunch of random links to things that I find amusing/funny/cool or some combination of the three. I'd also like to give special thanks to Steve Choi for sending me YouTube links all day while at work. Several of these are courtesy of him. Thanks, Stevie. On to the fun...

1. I heard this song a couple of times recently while I was driving in the car and it brought back memories of middle school: "No, No, No Part 2" by Destiny's Child and Wyclef. This was DC's first single and launched their careers. Actually, check that. It launched Beyonce's career and slowly buried everyone else's.

2. Okay, I know Roger Federer lost the U.S. Open Final, but he still had the shot of the tournament with this between-the-legs winner. Also, I've decided that one of the sporting events that I want to attend sometime in my life is the U.S. Open. Tennis matches are normally polite-applause affairs, but the U.S. Open is sort of the "eff you" to tennis etiquette. It's in New York, the fans go crazy, it pumps the players up, and they're not afraid to show their emotions without reservation. Of course, sometimes they might take it a bit far, but that just gets everyone even more riled up.

3. Everyone knows Kanye was on Leno the other night to apologize for Taylor Swift-gate. But he also performed "Run This Town" with Jay-Z and Rihanna at the end of the show. A well done performance of probably one of the better songs of the year.

It was also nice to see hip-hop artists able to perform their song well, as opposed to Drake, Lil Wayne, and the Young Money Crew at the BET Awards earlier this year. It actually starts out not too bad with Drake performing "Best I Ever Had." He had to sit while performing because he tore his ACL like the week before, but it was kind of like watching a poetry reading or something. But after "Best I Ever Had" ends and the other rappers come out, the performance slowly gets worse and worse until you realize someone needs to just mercy kill the whole thing. Seriously, this has got to be among the bottom-five worst live hip-hop performances ever. Not just because everyone starts screaming hysterically into their mics rather than actually just rapping the lyrics, but because when they performed "Every Girl" there's a bunch of THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS DANCING LIKE HOOCHIES ON THE STAGE as the rappers scream "I wish I could f* every girl in the world!!" Even the BET audience (which is usually very easily entertained) started out feeling the performance, but slowly got less and less into it as it wore on. And wasn't it nice how about 50 percent of the performance had to be blanked out because the rappers couldn't stop cussing on TV? Well done, gentlemen.

Also, I've read on some sites that one of the girls was actually Lil' Wayne's 13 year old daughter and the other girls were her friends. Nice, Weezy. You want to know why the BET Awards are an easy target of mockery year in and year out? This is Exhibit A.

One more thing. Can we all agree that Lil' Wayne is one of the most overrated rappers ever? His lyrics are mediocre at best and, as this performance proves, he sucks even harder without the aid of auto-tune. Come on, everyone. Open your eyes. Lil' Wayne is trash.

4. Sorry, I'm all worked up now. But nothing calms me down like a nice Jamba Juice. (Thanks to Jennie Chang for this one.)

5. A dream of all baseball fans is to catch a flyball. This man's dream came true... and was then shattered by his little daughter. Nonetheless, he's a loving dad and quick to give his girl a hug. But it just goes to prove one thing: girls can get away with anything...

6. And we come to the final link. Now, I'm a Blackberry owner and proud of it. I love mine and I encourage others to buy one if they're in the market for a smart phone. Of course, the big rival to Blackberry is the iPhone. I have nothing against the iPhone, I just prefer my Blackberry. But if there was ever a reason to get an iPhone, it's because of this app. If you were to buy an iPhone over a Blackberry only because you wanted this app, I would completely understand and have nothing but respect for you.


AND DON'T FORGET: SEASON SIX OF THE OFFICE PREMIERES TONIGHT!!!!!!