Checking In

Hi friends,

It's been a while, hasn't it? Just thought I'd throw in a nice update to let you all know that 1) I am alive and 2) this blog is still alive as well. And as much fun as it is to have a blog, it can also be quite a pain as well. It's weird that you sometimes feel obligated to write in your blog... but to who? To yourself? I guess so. To other people? Sure, but it's kind of arrogant to think that people really care that much about what you have to say. Let's just face it -- the only real way to feel like your blog has a true purpose is if you're getting paid for it. And unless someone reading this wants to make that happen, my motivation to write in this blog will be up and down. There will be good stretches and there will be bad stretches. Kind of like the Miami Heat.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say hi. I leave you with something fun for fans of Parks and Rec and/or Casablanca.


AND two things to look forward to in the coming days/weeks.

First...


And second...

L...O...L....

Remember my post from January 12?

....

Nothing else needs to be said.

Too Close for Missiles, I'm Switching to Guns

I recently watched Top Gun again and it just confirmed what we've all known for many years now: the soundtrack is beyond epic. I can watch the movie just to hear the music.

Exhibit A. The most popular:

Exhibit B. The ballad:

Exhibit C: The anthem:

As a side note, I'm pretty sure I want these two guys to play at my wedding. And probably my funeral too.

Get On Your Bicycle (Kick)

I'll be honest: the only time I ever really follow soccer is during the World Cup -- so basically, once every four years. But I saw this goal from Wayne Rooney on Sportscenter the other night and it deserves to be shared.



Pretty sweet, right?

Now I don't watch European soccer at all but have you noticed that it's become like the "hip" sport to follow? There's this perception that only the well-informed sports fan follows European soccer, and he or she turns their nose to the less "qualified" sports (i.e. American sports) and the fans of those sports. Look, that's fine if you want to like soccer. I have nothing against it. In fact, I have a great appreciation for the game. But no one likes a snob, so stop being such a douche.

Here's a better analogy: you know your hipster friend who listens to all those random indie bands you've never heard of and they can't stop talking about how amazing their favorite bands are and your friend also looks down on your taste in music because you happen to like stuff that's actually played on the radio? Yeah, that's basically what it's like having a friend who is a fan of European soccer. Freaking snobs. Go watch your soccer game wearing your ManU jersey while listening to Bright Eyes on your iPod.

Super Bowl (Commercial) Recap

The Super Bowl was a mixed bag of emotions this year. It brought the good, like a pretty good game featuring the Packers holding off a valiant second half comeback from the Steelers. It brought the bad, like Christina Aguilera messing up the national anthem. And it brought the mind-boggling, like the Black Eyed Peas and their part-Tron, part-Xena Warrior Princess halftime show.

Interestingly enough, you could probably categorize all of the Super Bowl commercials under one of those labels as well. Overall, I was largely underwhelmed by the advertising efforts of this year's big game. But there were a few standouts. Let's recap, shall we?

Honorable Mention - NFL: Super Bowl celebration

If you didn't watch a lot of TV growing up and/or don't watch a lot of football, you probably don't have that great an appreciation for this commercial. Fortunately that's not the case for me.

3. Doritos - Finger-licker

A lot of people thought this commercial was kind of creepy and gross. Maybe it was. But it was also hilarious.

2. Pepsi - Love Hurts

One could argue that physical humor should be done tastefully and with respect to the person at whose expense we laugh at. But one would be wrong because it's so much funnier when it leaves you wondering whether to laugh or feel sorry.

1. Volkswagon - The Force

Come on. How can this not be number one? There's something about the dejected mannerisms of a little Darth Vader that makes me laugh each time I watch this commercial. The Force is strong with this one.

The Super Bowl

As many of you know, I stopped watching professional football this season when it became clear that the 49ers had not improved in the slightest from last season, but had actually gotten much, much worse. So basically, I stopped following the NFL around Week 4.

But nonetheless, I will be watching the Super Bowl this Sunday. Sure, it features two teams that I couldn't care less about and both of whom can be pretty boring to watch, but this is one of those games that you pretty much have to watch no matter what. Anyway, I can't really give any good analysis or any sort of breakdown of either team (see first paragraph), so I'll just offer my own humble prediction...

Packers 27, Steelers 21

You can take it to Vegas.

But in addition to football, the Super Bowl brings us one more thing: commercials. And if this VW commercial is any sign of what's to come, this year's commercials won't disappoint us.

May the force be with you.

Jump Around

I was listening to Live 105 today and they were having listeners call in to win tickets to a concert featuring...... wait for it...... House of Pain. Remember House of Pain? The original white rappers. I researched their Wikipedia and it turns out that House of Pain actually reunited in 2010 and, according to the article, "Everlast is said to be going back to a more aggressive flow as in the early albums." Probably a good call because if he was sticking to his passive flow from the later albums, I doubt people would be interested in a House of Pain comeback.

But let's be honest. Anyone who actually goes to a HoP concert in 2011 is pretty much only going to hear one song...

We're Back!

The return of Parks and Recreation is tonight! One of the best comedies on television.

Don't believe me? Believe this. Or this.

Or this:

9:30 pm on NBC. See you there.

Natalie Portman is a little less hot now

Two things. First, the joke wasn't even that funny (she basically said that her fiance played a guy in Black Swan who said he would never sleep with her... which is funny because he got her pregnant in real life... ha.. ha?).

Second -- seriously, what is wrong with her laugh?

On a happier note... ONE DAY UNTIL:

One more reason why NorCal is better than SoCal

Clearly even aliens hate Kobe.

But the movie looks pretty cool.

What's that about karma, LeBron?

And if you haven't seen it yet, here's LeBron's sorry explanation for the Twitter incident.

My favorite part is how he tries to say that it wasn't from him. What happened was someone sent it to him, he read it, and then sent it out. So basically, it was from LeBron...

I hate that fool.

On a more pleasant note, you should go watch...


Seriously. Watch it. It's good.

Do the Cavs Suck?

Let me do the math for you: the Cavs lost by 55 points. And they've now lost 21 of their last 22 games. Yup. They suck.

And in case you were wondering whether LeBron James is a douche, this is what he tweeted as the slaughter was taking place: "Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!"

Life lessons from LeBron. Yup. Douche for sure.

Slow Down Your Neighbors

And one more reason to love Phil Dunphy:

"I wish I were one of those people who thrives on the danger of leading a double life. You know, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker... Hannah Montana."

So you want to be a lawyer...

Are you sure?

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

This article is from Esther's blog and I thought it posed an interesting question: which actresses do you irrationally hate? I guess it doesn't really need further explaining than that. Here's my top-five list that I've expanded to include actors as well. It also includes some actors/actresses that I rationally hate because hey, let's not be exclusionary in the hating of famous people.

5. Jake Lloyd. For those that don't remember him, he was the little kid in Star Wars Episode I. And he was terrible. I'm not trying to hate on kids (he was like 10 or something when this movie was made) but I always got this sense that he thought he was some amazing actor and he was incredibly smug about it. Yes. I got all of this from a 10 year old kid. Seriously. Watch that movie again. It's like he thinks he doesn't even need to try and act. He was awful. Granted, that entire movie sucked, but still. It's worth pointing out that he hasn't done anything since Star Wars. Coincidence? I think not.

4. Julia Roberts. Let me preface this by saying I don't really hate Julia Roberts, but I don't understand the hype about her. I know, I know. You're going to say I'm a douche for not liking Julia Roberts. Maybe I am, but this is supposed to be irrational, okay? There's just something about her that rubs me the wrong way... I can't really figure it out. I do think her laugh is annoying though. And remember in Ocean's 11 when they tried to make it seem like she was super hot? Okay, yeah. Nice try. No one is buying that.

3. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Sure, she's hot. But come on. She just can't act and all her movies are awful. I also happened to see her recent TV show Ghost Whisperer. I found it hilarious. But as you might guess from the title Ghost Whisperer, it wasn't meant to be. Anyway, when the movie people most associate you with is called I Know What You Did Last Summer, that says something. (As a side note, remember there was a sequel to IKWYDLS titled I Still KWYDLS? But the second movie took place the next summer after the summer in the first movie, which would actually mean the movie should have been called I Know What You Did Two Summers Ago. I guess that's not quite as catchy. And yes, these are the things that I think about.)

Also, I know people want to categorize Jessica Alba under the "She's hot but she can't act so let's not give her a pass" category. There's two reasons why I'm slightly more forgiving to Alba. First, for all the terrible movies she's been in (Honey, Into the Blue, Good Luck Chuck, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four II, etc.) she does have one pretty good movie to her credit: Sin City. And she was actually not bad in it. But she's kind of losing momentum from that success so we might see her on this list soon.

The second reason I give her a pass? She's a Warriors fan.

Plus, she's hot.

2. Cameron Diaz. Just freaking annoying.

1. Zac Efron. I've never seen any of the High School Musical movies or 17 Again and the only other movie I can think of him being in was that one that came out recently where he's an aspiring baseball player whose little brother dies in an accident and he holds himself responsible but then he starts playing catch in the woods behind his house with the spirit of his dead little brother who then inspires him to pursue his dream of playing baseball but also of hooking up with the girl in the movie. Okay, maybe the premise of the movie is enough to hate him.

And come on. Even that poster looks douchey.

Jean Ralphio

This is why I love Parks and Recreation.

Ashanti...

We roll over in my pre-owned Acura Legend...

Just bounce.. bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now all the ladies say it!

Desean Jackson

Sorry New York Giants fans. This was just too good.

A Year At War

Take a look at the New York Times feature that will follow American soldiers in the war in Afghanistan for the next year.

After we've been exposed to non-stop coverage of the wars in the Middle East for so long, it's easy to be numb to it all. But pieces like this remind us that there are still real people fighting, and that war and its effects are still very powerful, and also very frightening.

It's Been A While

It's a bit overdue, but the Ducks are playing for the big one.

(Get it? They're playing in the Fiesta Bowl? So the Duck is throwing tortillas? Mexico?)

Now all we have to do is wait a month...

And if you didn't see the Oregon-Oregon State, you missed out. Not on the game itself, but on Oregon's uniforms.

Of the Ducks' 904598290540 different uniform combinations, this one is probably my favorite.

See you in Phoenix. Quack, quack.

It's a Runaway Train!!!

I just read Bill Simmons' NFL week 10 picks. Personally, I've stopped watching the NFL this season because the 49ers suck something awful and following them this year is just going to put a damper on the Giants winning the World Series. So the NFL is off limits until 2011.

However, there was one piece of his column that I found particularly hilarious and it had nothing to do with football. By now, you've probably seen previews for that Denzel Washington movie Unstoppable which, from what I can gather, is about a runaway train that's going to crash somewhere and it's up to Denzel and Chris Pine to stop it or else the world will end. Yeah, I agree. It looks pretty stupid. So here's Bill Simmons predicting the major plot points of Unstoppable without having seen any of it.

Scene 1: Some sort of action train scene establishes Denzel's dominance as a train conductor. Even in a hairy moment, he's obscenely calm and cracks jokes when most people would be crapping their pants. It's just one reason he's the best.

Scene 2: Chris Pine joins Denzel's team as an aspiring engineer. Everyone is mean to him because that's just the rule in action movies: Be mean to the lead guy in the first 25 minutes (even if he's curing little kids of cancer or stopping catastrophic oil spills with his bare hands).

Scene 3: We meet the terrorist who's plotting to blow up the brakes of the train. He's badly overacting and has a slight accent.

Scenes 4-6: Denzel shows Pine the ropes. As they're getting to know each other, news breaks of a runaway train that's empty but has biological weapons on it.

Scenes 7 through 16: It's a runaway train! And it's heading right toward a major city!

Scene 17: Denzel decides he has to stop the train by somehow getting on board. He asks Pine to join him. Pine says no, then changes his mind … because, you know, it's always the perfect first day on the job to risk your life.

Scenes 18 through 42: It's a runaway train!

Scene 43: The train reaches a part of the railroad that hasn't been finished yet. The ensuing crash and explosion would wipe out an entire city. Their only chance is for a makeshift track to be built between the exposed tracks. BUT THERE'S NO TIME!

Scene 44: They build the temporary track in two seconds.

Scene 45: The train … it makes it!

Scenes 46 through 62: It's a runaway train!

Scene 63: There's a misunderstood ex-con who dies trying to help someone. Don't ask.

Scenes 64-69: It's a runaway train!!!!!!!

Scene 70: After being mean to Pine for most of the movie, Denzel apologizes and tells a story about the time his old partner died and he cried at the funeral. The scene ends with a joke that's not funny, only both guys laugh.

Scenes 71-79: It's a runaway train!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somehow, Denzel and Pine get lowered onto it. Little do they know that the villain is on there, too.

Scene 80: Denzel kills the villain after a long fight scene on top of the train in which he almost falls off a bunch of times.

Scene 81: Denzel and Pine stop the runaway train right before it rips through a busy Amtrak station and kills everybody.

Scene 82: Denzel asks Pine, "You OK?" He is.

Scene 83: There was one hot chick in this movie: maybe a policewoman, maybe a lady using the walkie-talkie from train headquarters, maybe a stray passenger … but regardless, Pine just got her number and they're probably getting married.

Scene 84: Denzel says, "I ain't making enough money for this."

Scene 85: The End.

It's funny because it's true.

Also, I still can't get over that Rondo dunk from last night.

Okay for real this time: happy Friday, everyone.