The Sunday Punch

Checking In

2011-03-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

Hi friends,

It's been a while, hasn't it? Just thought I'd throw in a nice update to let you all know that 1) I am alive and 2) this blog is still alive as well. And as much fun as it is to have a blog, it can also be quite a pain as well. It's weird that you sometimes feel obligated to write in your blog... but to who? To yourself? I guess so. To other people? Sure, but it's kind of arrogant to think that people really care that much about what you have to say. Let's just face it -- the only real way to feel like your blog has a true purpose is if you're getting paid for it. And unless someone reading this wants to make that happen, my motivation to write in this blog will be up and down. There will be good stretches and there will be bad stretches. Kind of like the Miami Heat.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say hi. I leave you with something fun for fans of Parks and Rec and/or Casablanca.

AND two things to look forward to in the coming days/weeks.

First...

And second...

L...O...L....

2011-02-16T22:08:00.000-08:00

Remember my post from January 12?

....

Nothing else needs to be said.

Too Close for Missiles, I'm Switching to Guns

2011-02-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

I recently watched Top Gun again and it just confirmed what we've all known for many years now: the soundtrack is beyond epic. I can watch the movie just to hear the music.

Exhibit A. The most popular:

Exhibit B. The ballad:

Exhibit C: The anthem:

As a side note, I'm pretty sure I want these two guys to play at my wedding. And probably my funeral too.

Get On Your Bicycle (Kick)

2011-02-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest: the only time I ever really follow soccer is during the World Cup -- so basically, once every four years. But I saw this goal from Wayne Rooney on Sportscenter the other night and it deserves to be shared.

Pretty sweet, right?

Now I don't watch European soccer at all but have you noticed that it's become like the "hip" sport to follow? There's this perception that only the well-informed sports fan follows European soccer, and he or she turns their nose to the less "qualified" sports (i.e. American sports) and the fans of those sports. Look, that's fine if you want to like soccer. I have nothing against it. In fact, I have a great appreciation for the game. But no one likes a snob, so stop being such a douche.

Here's a better analogy: you know your hipster friend who listens to all those random indie bands you've never heard of and they can't stop talking about how amazing their favorite bands are and your friend also looks down on your taste in music because you happen to like stuff that's actually played on the radio? Yeah, that's basically what it's like having a friend who is a fan of European soccer. Freaking snobs. Go watch your soccer game wearing your ManU jersey while listening to Bright Eyes on your iPod.

Super Bowl (Commercial) Recap

2011-02-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

The Super Bowl was a mixed bag of emotions this year. It brought the good, like a pretty good game featuring the Packers holding off a valiant second half comeback from the Steelers. It brought the bad, like Christina Aguilera messing up the national anthem. And it brought the mind-boggling, like the Black Eyed Peas and their part-Tron, part-Xena Warrior Princess halftime show.

Interestingly enough, you could probably categorize all of the Super Bowl commercials under one of those labels as well. Overall, I was largely underwhelmed by the advertising efforts of this year's big game. But there were a few standouts. Let's recap, shall we?

Honorable Mention - NFL: Super Bowl celebration

If you didn't watch a lot of TV growing up and/or don't watch a lot of football, you probably don't have that great an appreciation for this commercial. Fortunately that's not the case for me.

3. Doritos - Finger-licker

A lot of people thought this commercial was kind of creepy and gross. Maybe it was. But it was also hilarious.

2. Pepsi - Love Hurts

One could argue that physical humor should be done tastefully and with respect to the person at whose expense we laugh at. But one would be wrong because it's so much funnier when it leaves you wondering whether to laugh or feel sorry.

1. Volkswagon - The Force

Come on. How can this not be number one? There's something about the dejected mannerisms of a little Darth Vader that makes me laugh each time I watch this commercial. The Force is strong with this one.

The Super Bowl

2011-02-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, I stopped watching professional football this season when it became clear that the 49ers had not improved in the slightest from last season, but had actually gotten much, much worse. So basically, I stopped following the NFL around Week 4.

But nonetheless, I will be watching the Super Bowl this Sunday. Sure, it features two teams that I couldn't care less about and both of whom can be pretty boring to watch, but this is one of those games that you pretty much have to watch no matter what. Anyway, I can't really give any good analysis or any sort of breakdown of either team (see first paragraph), so I'll just offer my own humble prediction...

Packers 27, Steelers 21

You can take it to Vegas.

But in addition to football, the Super Bowl brings us one more thing: commercials. And if this VW commercial is any sign of what's to come, this year's commercials won't disappoint us.

May the force be with you.

Jump Around

2011-02-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

I was listening to Live 105 today and they were having listeners call in to win tickets to a concert featuring...... wait for it...... House of Pain. Remember House of Pain? The original white rappers. I researched their Wikipedia and it turns out that House of Pain actually reunited in 2010 and, according to the article, "Everlast is said to be going back to a more aggressive flow as in the early albums." Probably a good call because if he was sticking to his passive flow from the later albums, I doubt people would be interested in a House of Pain comeback.

But let's be honest. Anyone who actually goes to a HoP concert in 2011 is pretty much only going to hear one song...

We're Back!

2011-01-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

The return of Parks and Recreation is tonight! One of the best comedies on television.

Don't believe me? Believe this. Or this.

Or this:

9:30 pm on NBC. See you there.

Natalie Portman is a little less hot now

2011-01-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

Two things. First, the joke wasn't even that funny (she basically said that her fiance played a guy in Black Swan who said he would never sleep with her... which is funny because he got her pregnant in real life... ha.. ha?).

Second -- seriously, what is wrong with her laugh?

On a happier note... ONE DAY UNTIL:

One more reason why NorCal is better than SoCal

2011-01-18T00:00:00.000-08:00

Clearly even aliens hate Kobe.

But the movie looks pretty cool.

What's that about karma, LeBron?

2011-01-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

And if you haven't seen it yet, here's LeBron's sorry explanation for the Twitter incident.

My favorite part is how he tries to say that it wasn't from him. What happened was someone sent it to him, he read it, and then sent it out. So basically, it was from LeBron...

I hate that fool.

On a more pleasant note, you should go watch...

Seriously. Watch it. It's good.

Do the Cavs Suck?

2011-01-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

Let me do the math for you: the Cavs lost by 55 points. And they've now lost 21 of their last 22 games. Yup. They suck.

And in case you were wondering whether LeBron James is a douche, this is what he tweeted as the slaughter was taking place: "Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!"

Life lessons from LeBron. Yup. Douche for sure.

Slow Down Your Neighbors

2011-01-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

And one more reason to love Phil Dunphy:

"I wish I were one of those people who thrives on the danger of leading a double life. You know, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker... Hannah Montana."

So you want to be a lawyer...

2011-01-10T14:08:00.000-08:00

Are you sure?

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

2011-01-07T12:00:00.000-08:00

This article is from Esther's blog and I thought it posed an interesting question: which actresses do you irrationally hate? I guess it doesn't really need further explaining than that. Here's my top-five list that I've expanded to include actors as well. It also includes some actors/actresses that I rationally hate because hey, let's not be exclusionary in the hating of famous people.

5. Jake Lloyd. For those that don't remember him, he was the little kid in Star Wars Episode I. And he was terrible. I'm not trying to hate on kids (he was like 10 or something when this movie was made) but I always got this sense that he thought he was some amazing actor and he was incredibly smug about it. Yes. I got all of this from a 10 year old kid. Seriously. Watch that movie again. It's like he thinks he doesn't even need to try and act. He was awful. Granted, that entire movie sucked, but still. It's worth pointing out that he hasn't done anything since Star Wars. Coincidence? I think not.

4. Julia Roberts. Let me preface this by saying I don't really hate Julia Roberts, but I don't understand the hype about her. I know, I know. You're going to say I'm a douche for not liking Julia Roberts. Maybe I am, but this is supposed to be irrational, okay? There's just something about her that rubs me the wrong way... I can't really figure it out. I do think her laugh is annoying though. And remember in Ocean's 11 when they tried to make it seem like she was super hot? Okay, yeah. Nice try. No one is buying that.

3. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Sure, she's hot. But come on. She just can't act and all her movies are awful. I also happened to see her recent TV show Ghost Whisperer. I found it hilarious. But as you might guess from the title Ghost Whisperer, it wasn't meant to be. Anyway, when the movie people most associate you with is called I Know What You Did Last Summer, that says something. (As a side note, remember there was a sequel to IKWYDLS titled I Still KWYDLS? But the second movie took place the next summer after the summer in the first movie, which would actually mean the movie should have been called I Know What You Did Two Summers Ago. I guess that's not quite as catchy. And yes, these are the things that I think about.)

Also, I know people want to categorize Jessica Alba under the "She's hot but she can't act so let's not give her a pass" category. There's two reasons why I'm slightly more forgiving to Alba. First, for all the terrible movies she's been in (Honey, Into the Blue, Good Luck Chuck, Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four II, etc.) she does have one pretty good movie to her credit: Sin City. And she was actually not bad in it. But she's kind of losing momentum from that success so we might see her on this list soon.

The second reason I give her a pass? She's a Warriors fan.

Plus, she's hot.

2. Cameron Diaz. Just freaking annoying.

1. Zac Efron. I've never seen any of the High School Musical movies or 17 Again and the only other movie I can think of him being in was that one that came out recently where he's an aspiring baseball player whose little brother dies in an accident and he holds himself responsible but then he starts playing catch in the woods behind his house with the spirit of his dead little brother who then inspires him to pursue his dream of playing baseball but also of hooking up with the girl in the movie. Okay, maybe the premise of the movie is enough to hate him.

And come on. Even that poster looks douchey.

Jean Ralphio

2010-12-23T11:55:00.000-08:00

This is why I love Parks and Recreation.

Ashanti...

We roll over in my pre-owned Acura Legend...

Just bounce.. bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now all the ladies say it!

Desean Jackson

2010-12-20T16:43:00.001-08:00

Sorry New York Giants fans. This was just too good.

A Year At War

2010-12-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

Take a look at the New York Times feature that will follow American soldiers in the war in Afghanistan for the next year.

After we've been exposed to non-stop coverage of the wars in the Middle East for so long, it's easy to be numb to it all. But pieces like this remind us that there are still real people fighting, and that war and its effects are still very powerful, and also very frightening.

It's Been A While

2010-12-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

It's a bit overdue, but the Ducks are playing for the big one.

(Get it? They're playing in the Fiesta Bowl? So the Duck is throwing tortillas? Mexico?)

Now all we have to do is wait a month...

And if you didn't see the Oregon-Oregon State, you missed out. Not on the game itself, but on Oregon's uniforms.

Of the Ducks' 904598290540 different uniform combinations, this one is probably my favorite.

See you in Phoenix. Quack, quack.

It's a Runaway Train!!!

2010-11-12T16:15:00.001-08:00

I just read Bill Simmons' NFL week 10 picks. Personally, I've stopped watching the NFL this season because the 49ers suck something awful and following them this year is just going to put a damper on the Giants winning the World Series. So the NFL is off limits until 2011.

However, there was one piece of his column that I found particularly hilarious and it had nothing to do with football. By now, you've probably seen previews for that Denzel Washington movie Unstoppable which, from what I can gather, is about a runaway train that's going to crash somewhere and it's up to Denzel and Chris Pine to stop it or else the world will end. Yeah, I agree. It looks pretty stupid. So here's Bill Simmons predicting the major plot points of Unstoppable without having seen any of it.

Scene 1: Some sort of action train scene establishes Denzel's dominance as a train conductor. Even in a hairy moment, he's obscenely calm and cracks jokes when most people would be crapping their pants. It's just one reason he's the best.

Scene 2: Chris Pine joins Denzel's team as an aspiring engineer. Everyone is mean to him because that's just the rule in action movies: Be mean to the lead guy in the first 25 minutes (even if he's curing little kids of cancer or stopping catastrophic oil spills with his bare hands).

Scene 3: We meet the terrorist who's plotting to blow up the brakes of the train. He's badly overacting and has a slight accent.

Scenes 4-6: Denzel shows Pine the ropes. As they're getting to know each other, news breaks of a runaway train that's empty but has biological weapons on it.

Scenes 7 through 16: It's a runaway train! And it's heading right toward a major city!

Scene 17: Denzel decides he has to stop the train by somehow getting on board. He asks Pine to join him. Pine says no, then changes his mind … because, you know, it's always the perfect first day on the job to risk your life.

Scenes 18 through 42: It's a runaway train!

Scene 43: The train reaches a part of the railroad that hasn't been finished yet. The ensuing crash and explosion would wipe out an entire city. Their only chance is for a makeshift track to be built between the exposed tracks. BUT THERE'S NO TIME!

Scene 44: They build the temporary track in two seconds.

Scene 45: The train … it makes it!

Scenes 46 through 62: It's a runaway train!

Scene 63: There's a misunderstood ex-con who dies trying to help someone. Don't ask.

Scenes 64-69: It's a runaway train!!!!!!!

Scene 70: After being mean to Pine for most of the movie, Denzel apologizes and tells a story about the time his old partner died and he cried at the funeral. The scene ends with a joke that's not funny, only both guys laugh.

Scenes 71-79: It's a runaway train!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somehow, Denzel and Pine get lowered onto it. Little do they know that the villain is on there, too.

Scene 80: Denzel kills the villain after a long fight scene on top of the train in which he almost falls off a bunch of times.

Scene 81: Denzel and Pine stop the runaway train right before it rips through a busy Amtrak station and kills everybody.

Scene 82: Denzel asks Pine, "You OK?" He is.

Scene 83: There was one hot chick in this movie: maybe a policewoman, maybe a lady using the walkie-talkie from train headquarters, maybe a stray passenger … but regardless, Pine just got her number and they're probably getting married.

Scene 84: Denzel says, "I ain't making enough money for this."

Scene 85: The End.

It's funny because it's true.

Also, I still can't get over that Rondo dunk from last night.

Okay for real this time: happy Friday, everyone.

RONDOOOO!!!

2010-11-12T12:07:00.000-08:00

Freaking legit.

PS. Way to not even try, Chris Bosh.

Happy Friday, everyone.

One Quitter, One Winner

2010-11-05T14:59:00.001-07:00

By now you've probably seen the LeBron James Nike commercial responding to all the criticism he got for the Decision and for turning his back on Cleveland in general. And as much of a douche as I think LeBron is, I have to admit, this was actually a pretty well done commercial. Those guys at Nike are geniuses. If you haven't seen it yet, watch it here:

But then today, I found out about an even better "commercial." Check out this parody from the city that LeBron left behind.

I love it. Score one for Cleveland.

And it's only been four days since the Giants won the World Series, so I'm certainly not going to stop talking about it now. Check out Brian Wilson's appearance on Jay Leno last night. Make no mistake, I hate Leno (don't forget, Conan's new show starts Monday!) But I love Brian Wilson.

As a side note, no one in San Francisco calls Brian Wilson "the Beard." Stop trying to be cool, Jay.

Here's part two of the interview.

Happy Friday, everyone.

Go Giants, Go Vote, Go Watch Due Date

2010-11-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

The Giants lovefest on this blog is far from over. This is a preview of this week's Sports Illustrated cover.

Also! It's Election Day today, so get out and vote. (Remember the last election when voting was the cool thing to do? And P.Diddy threatened to kill you or something if you didn't? Yeah... not so much this year.)

And in case you're wondering, the Punch officially endorses...

I defy you to give a reason to vote for Meg Whitman. Seriously. This is a woman who has zero political experience, has admitted that her ads are false and misleading, has flip-flopped numerous times on issues, and is basically trying to win the governor's seat by buying it (she has spent more of her own money on her candidacy than any other self-funded political candidate in U.S. history). And let's not forget that SHE DID NOT VOTE IN AN ELECTION FOR 28 YEARS! TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS! And now she wants people to vote for her?! That is freaking absurd. Vote Jerry Brown.

Anyway, I'm getting worked up here. Let's end on a lighter note. Need something to do this weekend? Try this.

Now I Can Die in Peace

2010-11-02T00:21:00.000-07:00

The first sports game I ever attended was a San Francisco Giants game when I was maybe five or six years old. They were the first team I was a true fan of and I've always told people that the Giants winning the World Series would be the most meaningful championship to me of any sports team that I'm a fan of. And now that it's reality, it means even more than I had thought.

I'm having a hard time coming up with what to say to fully express how I feel, but maybe that's okay. No words needed. There's just pure exhilaration and joy.

San Francisco Giants. 2010 World Champions.

Quack, Quack

2010-10-26T15:00:00.000-07:00

As a graduate of the fine educational institution that is UC Davis, I will be the first to admit that there was one thing that was seriously lacking from my college experience: football. Your first reaction is probably this, "Aw, that's too bad that you guys didn't have a football team." To which I would tell you, "False! We DO have one!" To which you would probably reply with, "Uh, what? Stop lying. UC Davis plays football?"

But the truth is that yes, the Aggies have been playing on the gridiron for many, many years. In fact, we are only one of three UCs with a football team (Cal and UCLA being the others). However, we play in Division I-AA. For those that don't know, I-AA is kind of like the minor leagues of college football. So when the football schedule is packed with such powerhouses as the University of Montana, you can understand why I have more interest in "real" college football.

Anyway, since I grew up in the Bay Area, I'm sort of an adoptive Cal fan. But I have a confession: I might have a new favorite college football team, and it won't make people in Berkeley happy. I have to admit that I love the Oregon Ducks. I re-watched last week's Oregon-UCLA game and I'm not sure there's a more entertaining team to watch than the boys from Eugene. That fast-paced, spread option offense is ridiculous, they have great fans, and they have the most fun uniforms in all of college football. (If you are interested, there's actually a site that keeps track of all of Oregon's uniform combinations throughout the season.)

Anyway, the Ducks play at USC this weekend. No one with a soul likes USC, so if you need one more reason to hate the Trojans, there's this: after watching Cain Velasquez dominate Brock Lesnar in the UFC title fight this past weekend, USC QB Matt Barkley tweeted, "Wow, Brock just got rocked! Lesnar is to Oregon as Velasquez is to SC. Lezgo."

Yup, he's a douche. Let's go Ducks.

Quack, quack.

To the Series

2010-10-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

One more to go...

Thunder Road

2010-10-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

Forget the Miami Heat. The Thunder are on the cover of this year's SI NBA preview.

For the record, I'm not really an OKC fan, but I love Kevin Durant. And how good a guy is he? He asked that SI photograph not just him, but his teammates as well. LeBron probably would have had a press conference to announce he was doing that.

And in case you were wondering, the Warriors were ranked 13th out of the 15 teams in the Western Conference. Uh... We Believe?

160 Percent Effort

2010-10-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

The University of Mississippi, better known as Ole Miss, has announced the school's new mascot. For those who do not keep up with college mascot news, Ole Miss' old mascot, Colonel Reb, was kicked to the curb a few years ago because he resembled a southern plantation owner just a little bit too much which conjured up bad memories of slavery in the south.

Yeah, okay, fair enough. This guy looks like he could be Colonel Sanders' racist cousin.

Anyway, the school set out on finding a new mascot that would keep up with the Ole Miss Rebel tradition, but also create a new image separate from the south's dark past which lasted from the early 1800s until about, um.... the mid-1980s. The final mascot choices were then put to a vote among students, faculty, and alumni, and the results are in:

62 percent voted for Rebel Black Bear (the winner).

56 percent voted for Rebel Land Shark.

42 percent voted for Hotty Toddy.

So let's welcome the Ole Miss Rebel Black Bear. Okay, so it's not exactly the coolest or most original choice for a mascot. But according to the university, the black bear has a "Mississippi connection" which I assume means that there are actually black bears in Mississippi. (Turns out this is true! In fact, there are almost 80 in the entire state!) I'm a little surprised, though, that Rebel Land Shark wasn't the runaway winner because nothing screams the south or rebellion quite like a land shark. And in case you were wondering, Hotty Toddy (the dude on the left) is the name of the Ole Miss cheer. So the mascot would have basically been... a cheer. Clearly creativity is not terribly alive down south.

But there is one thing that's particularly worth pointing out: did you count those percentages carefully? The total adds up to, not 100 percent, but an amazing 160 percent. Apparently math isn't terribly alive down south either. And you thought education in California was in trouble.

It's just a shame that the ultimate, all-time leader of rebels in the entire universe wasn't able to be considered for the position of Ole Miss Rebel mascot.

It's a trap!!!

On to the Next One

2010-10-11T21:39:00.001-07:00

See you in Philly.

Countdown to Conan

2010-10-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

If you've been watching the MLB playoffs on TBS at all, you've no doubt seen some of the ads promoting Conan O'Brien's return to late night in early November. Here's a link to the YouTube page with all the promos. (This one is my personal favorite.)

Anyway, if you know me at all, you know that I'm pretty excited for Conan to be back. I did some scrounging around and found some of my favorite Conan moments from the Late Night days. And why should I keep these to myself? These are obviously meant to be shared. Enjoy.

Conan helps out during the NYC transit strike.

On his trip to San Francisco, Conan visited Intel headquarters in Santa Clara.

Conan playing old school baseball. (The buffering might take a little time because it's some random Chinese YouTube-type site.)

The Walker Texas Ranger lever.

Max and Conan get a beer.

Possibly my second favorite Conan remote ever: Conan having dinner with his associate producer Jordan Schlansky.

And the best one ever: Conan's 1992 Ford Taurus.

Sir Charles

2010-10-06T15:18:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Sports Illustrated for this quote from Charles Barkley, commenting on LeBron James' suggestion that race was a contributing factor in the public animosity over his departure from Cleveland:

"It's like watching a movie. Just when you think it couldn't get any stupider, it gets more stupid."

Seriously, how can you not love Charles Barkley?

Victorious

2010-10-04T16:22:00.001-07:00

See you Thursday.

Review: The Town

2010-09-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

I saw The Town on Sunday. Two thoughts...

First, how did this movie get 94 percent on Rotten Tomatoes?? Don't get me wrong... it wasn't BAD, but it's for sure not 94 percent good. As a comparison, Inception has an 87 percent rating. Okay, there is no freaking way that The Town is better than Inception. That's like saying LeBron is better than Michael Jordan. Or that McDonalds is better than In N Out. Or that the Dodgers are better than the Giants. They're all just ridiculous statements.

In fact, if you've seen Heat, you've pretty much already seen The Town, just a better version of it. But for fun, let's just compare the two.

Action: Advantage, Heat. Way more action than The Town, including the epic bank shootout scene.

Length: Advantage, The Town. The Town is about two hours long. Heat is about 948754 hours long. Okay, just kidding. But Heat is for real almost three hours long. You could cut half that movie out and it would still be just as good, if not better.

Actors: Advantage, Heat. I have to give him credit -- Ben Affleck was pretty solid. I also really like Jeremy Renner as the obligatory crazy guy on the team and Blake Lively did a good job as a trashy drug addict ho. But Heat had DeNiro, Pacino, Val Kilmer, and Ashley Judd, not to mention the President from 24, Jon Voight, and Jeremy Piven. So it's not really that close. Plus, I'll take Iceman as my wingman any day.

Winner: Heat. The original is always better.

Second thought: Boston accents might be the most annoying in the history of mankind. Unfortunately, they are at a premium in The Town. Thank God we live in California.

Hella > Wicked fahhhh

The Return of the King

2010-09-22T12:53:00.001-07:00

Modern Family. Back tonight. Yeeeee.

Get some.

Stand There and Watch Me Burn

2010-09-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it's been a while. Sorry, I've been busy. And by busy, I mean lazy. Anyway, I just have one thought to share with everyone today: "Love the Way You Lie" has officially reached beyond-overplayed status. Seriously. It's time to move on. That freaking song is played minimum 4987310465 times a day. If I hear it again, I swear I'm gonna tie it to the bed and set this house on fire.

But as far as I'm concerned, this song will never, ever be overplayed.

And now, here's a random, hilarious video to kick off your weekend.

Happy Friday, kids.

Top Chef Recap

2010-08-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

It only took me about half the season, but I've finally gotten caught up with Top Chef which is easily one of the most entertaining shows on television. How can you argue with food, crazy challenges, food, drama, and food? That's right. You can't.

Anyway, I figured I would offer up my thoughts about the week's past episode and keep it up through the end of the season because I know that everyone is curious about my Top Chef analysis. Two things to keep in mind: first, my favorite chef by far is Tiffany. She just seems like she's having fun and, most importantly, she's a really good (and really smart) chef. Second, I've said this before, but I'm pretty sure Padma has close to zero clue how to cook. She's basically hosting this show because she's hot. Can you believe that?! Outrageous.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get to this week's episode...

"Covert Cuisine"

The highlight of this week? That douche Alex finally got eliminated. I couldn't stand that fool. Remember at the end of last week's Restaurant Wars episode when his team won but he basically did nothing? And the things that he did try to do (i.e. cut meat and filet fish) he failed at so his teammates had to fix all his work? And he was a complete ass to the wait staff? And then Kenny and Kevin ripped into him during the judging saying that it should be him going home? So yeah. I'm pretty glad he's gone.

But the truth is that every season, there's a guy like Alex -- that guy who is clearly not as good as everyone else and who has a bad personality so no one likes him, but he manages to hang around deep into the show. It freaking drives me crazy, but thankfully "that guy" has never won the competition.

On a more positive note, my homegirl Tiffany won both CIA-themed quickfire and elimination challenges. Yessss! She's been on a roll lately and looking more and more like the chef to beat. But I always worry about contestants on reality shows who keep winning challenge after challenge leading up to the finale. A lot of times they lose steam, can't quite get back on track, and eventually fail to win the whole thing. I call this "Mychael Knight Syndrome." For those who do not know, Mychael Knight was a contestant on Season 3 of Project Runway. He was a fan favorite and was winning a lot of the challenges leading up to the finale of the show and basically looked like the front-runner. However, he started to come undone in the last few weeks, made some questionable decisions, never fully recovered, and ended up finishing in fourth.

Reality show competitions are like sports. You have to peak at the right time. Who cares if the Cavs won 66 regular season games in 2008-2009? Or if the Mariners won 116 regular season games in 2001? The Cavs lost in the Eastern Conference finals and the Mariners lost in the ALCS. Neither team came through when it mattered most.

(Also, I realize I just made a reference to Project Runway followed by a reference to professional sports. You might be confused as to what the hell kind of blog this exactly is. So am I, my friends. So am I.)

Anyway, we're down to six chefs! It's getting real. Stay tuned...

P.S. Since we're talking about TV, two quick things...

1) I watched the Parks and Rec "Hunting Trip" episode and heard one of the funniest lines ever: Tom Haverford asking how mad Ron Swanson is that someone shot him, "On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed is he?"

2) Friday Night Lights season four came to an end a couple weeks ago. All I can say (again) is that FNL is seriously one of the best shows out there right now. How are more people not watching it?!?! Only one season left! Nooooo!

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!

Music for You!

2010-08-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Three songs that I'm enjoying right now...

Lauryn Hill - "Doo Wop (That Thing)"

Lauryn Hill needs to make a comeback. Immediately. This song was a classic off of an album that was equally classic. (I also really like this video.) It's too bad she went Dave Chappelle on us by getting fed up with the commercialization of the industry, going a little crazy, and deciding to go into hiding. Come back, Ms. Hill.

Michael Jackson - "Man in the Mirror"

An undercover Michael hit that gets easily overshadowed by other songs like "Billie Jean" and "Thriller." Positive message too! High five!

P.S. The video for this song is... interesting. I know that it reflects the lyrics of the song, but still. It goes from children suffering from famine, to terrorists, to Asian kids with Santa, to Baby Jessica getting saved from the well, to whales. The video is in its own world and kind of naive by thinking that it's not strange or awkward at all. Kind of like Michael Jackson.

Katy Perry - "Teenage Dream"

No shame.

Okay, maybe a little shame...

Watch Parks and Recreation. Now.

2010-08-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

I know what many people say about Parks and Rec, that it's exactly like The Office, just in a different setting and not as funny. Okay, I admit that maybe to some extent that's true. After all, both shows were created by the same people. But after a so-so season one, Parks and Rec has found its footing in season two and has quietly become one of the funniest shows currently on television. That's right. I said it and I stand behind it. Amy Poehler is hilarious and the supporting cast for P&R is superior to that of The Office. I know this sounds blasphemous coming from a loyal Office fan, but it's the truth. Also, let's face it -- The Office isn't what it used to be. Ever since Pam and Jim got married, the show has been semi-scuffling. And if Steve Carell really is leaving the show after this season, then I think it's about time to close up Dunder Mifflin Scranton.

But we're getting off topic. We're here to talk about P&R. So now is your chance to find out how right I am about it since NBC has started to replay all of season two online. The first four episodes are up now, but they're only online until Monday when they put up the next four episodes. Here's the Hulu link for Parks and Rec. So hurry and watch it. Now.

Lessons from DC

2010-07-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

I spent last weekend in Washington DC visiting my brother who's interning out there for the summer. (Please keep your Monica jokes to yourself.) I've been a few times now and I've realized that DC's a pretty cool city. It's one of those places where you go and when you spot a particular monument or building, you think how cool it is to actually see it in person. Anyway, here are some of the things I learned from my most recent trip to our nation's capital.

1. DC is hot. REALLY hot.
If you've ever wondered what hell feels like, try going to DC in the middle of summer. You'll get a pretty good idea. We landed on Saturday morning and as it so happened, the region was in the midst of a horrible heat wave which had started about, oh, two months earlier. In the shelter of our hotel room, I looked up on weather.com the day's temperature: "102 degrees." This news was then proceeded by one little add-on: "Feels like 107." That would be the humidity in action. Awesome. Needless to say, I'm never taking 65 degree Bay Area summers for granted ever again.

My advice to you, friends? Do not visit Washington DC between the months of June and September. Oh, and the winters can get pretty rough too, so avoid the months of November through February. So basically, there are more or less four months in the entire year that are acceptable for going to DC. Keep that in mind.

2. In spite of the heat, DC is a fun city!
There isn't any place quite like DC. Like I said before, history is everywhere in the city. Whether it's the monuments or the memorials or the White House, there's so much to see. There's also the Capitol, the National Gallery of Art, and don't forget all the Smithsonians. But the best part of all these places? Nearly all of them are FREE. Hollerrrr. And in addition to all the National Mall attractions, there's also fun neighborhoods like Georgetown and Dupont Circle, and taking time to walk along the Potomac River. Anyway, you get the point. There's a lot to do.

3. Okay, even though the National Mall is cool...
There is no freaking place to eat around that area. Trust me. I went searching and nearly starved to death in the process. What the hell, dude? There's not even like a McDonalds or something. This has to be some conspiracy by Congress to force you to overpay to eat at the Capitol cafeteria. Forget the economy; Michael Moore needs to investigate the downtown DC restaurant shortage.

4. Kevin Durant is from DC!
Okay, I didn't actually learn this while I was there, but my brother texted me a few days after I had left and told me that Kevin Durant was going to be coming to the Capitol to give a talk on sports nutrition or something of that nature. I sort of joked that my brother should get me KD's autograph, but he said that he actually would during the autograph/photo session! The next day, I get this photo sent to me:

YESSSSS. I already loved the Durantula before this, but he's now officially my favorite non-Warrior basketball player. (In case you're wondering, Steph Curry is my favorite.) My brother also told Durant to win MVP for him. KD laughed and said, "We'll see." So if he wins MVP, just know that my brother inspired him. It certainly wasn't all the extra hard work he puts in, or his winning mentality, or his desire to keep getting better. No. It was my brother.

5. Last lesson: Seriously, DC is hot.
On our last day there, it was only 90. You know it's hot when you start saying stuff like, "It was ONLY 90."

With all due respect to Joe DiMaggio, I'd like to thank the good Lord for making me a Californian.

Well done, Miss Granger

2010-07-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

I was on my flight back from DC yesterday and I started reading Harry Potter 6. As I was reading, I remembered a particularly funny story my friend told me a while ago...

So as you may or may not know, Emma Watson (the girl who plays Hermione in the HP movies) goes to Brown. My friend's friend also goes to Brown and happened to be in the same lecture as Emma. During class one day, the professor asked a question to the students. Emma Watson raised her hand and she was called on. She answers the question and the professor says something to her like, "Thank you. Very good."

All of a sudden, someone from the back of the lecture yells out, "TEN POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR!!!!!"

Needless to say, the class burst out laughing. Emma Watson was not as amused.

Swoon-o Mars

2010-07-23T00:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know most people have already heard this song. And I know it's going to quickly be overplayed on the radio. But who cares. I like it anyway. And it's my blog so I'll do what I want.

Bruno Mars - "Just The Way You Are"

Congratulations are in order, Bruno. Not only do you have a hit song on your hands, but you also currently own the hearts of all the women of America with this song. Well done.

Beat LA

2010-07-21T10:56:00.001-07:00

The Giants are in LA this week for a three game set with the Dodgers, and last night's game proved to be pretty interesting. But as I was watching the game yesterday and seeing Dodger Stadium on TV, it reminded me of a conversation I had with my friend Jake the other week...

Jake: our office is going to a dodgers game tonight
Jake: and i have to go
Jake: otherwise i dont get to leave early
Me: damn dude
Me: that's weak
Me: who're they playing
Jake: the marlins
Me: cool..
Jake: lol yeah should be a blast
Me: how is dodger stadium
Jake: dodger stadium is one of the worst stadiums ever
Jake: people do the wave, and there are at least 20 beach balls in play at all times
Jake: its just old and lame
Jake: and the dodgers play there
Jake: its like kansas city, but outside
Jake: oh wait nm they are outside
Me: haha
Me: it's like kansas city, but in la
Jake: exactly.
Jake: the worst

Fine, Fresh, Fierce, We Got It On Lock

2010-07-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

I heard about this remix to Katy Perry's "California Gurls" on the radio the other day called "New York City Gurls." You can probably guess what it's about. Now, I'm not a fan of Katy Perry by any means, but could this J-Hype fool be anymore of a biter? This is freaking weak. Come on, dude. Let's at least see some effort. And while we're at it, let's try and think of a less stupid name for you than J-Hype.

P.S. My favorite part of the "New York Gurls" remix? The line about 15 seconds in that goes, "It's the Empire State, Lebron James' next stop!" The LOL moment of the song.

P.P.S. I realize I've been on a pretty good LeBron James streak these last few posts. I'll get off of it soon.

P.P.P.S Bill Simmons' decision.

P.P.P.P.S Steve Carell's decision.

P.P.P.P.P.S Okay, seriously. I'll calm down with LeBron soon. I promise. And the P.S's too.

Bye, 'Bron

2010-07-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

This was the front page of the Cleveland Plain Dealer on Friday. (The small print on the right side says "7 years in Cleveland. No rings.")

Nothing else to be said. It's absolutely great.

Et tu, LeBron?

2010-07-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

When I first heard that LeBron James was going to announce where he would be playing next year on ESPN in a one hour special that his people had negotiated, there was one word that came to mind: douche. Look, there's no denying that LeBron is a great player, probably the most talented player in the game right now. But if there was any question about what kind of a person he is, that was answered the second he decided to put create an hour long show dedicated to himself that he would control and put on ESPN.

But as douchey as the whole thing is, I couldn't help but watch the whole thing unfold. This seemed as good a time as any to do a running diary. Let's revisit The Decision...

5:50 - Switch over to ESPN. Analysts give their last bits of input, so I'll give mine. Everyone says Miami is where LeBron is heading. Makes sense at first glance -- D-Wade, Bosh, and LeBron? Can't say no to that. But this is what the Heat will look like: those three guys, plus nine guys with minimum contracts. Uh, is that a championship team? Hell no. You need those role players, the guys who create and do the little things for those big three. Instead, you have three guys who are used to being THE guy. I just can't see this working out the way everyone thinks it's going to.

If LeBron is smart, he'll either go to Chicago or stay in Cleveland. Chicago makes sense because it's the best overall team and he's still clearly the alpha dog there. Cleveland makes sense because it's his hometown, they'll work even harder to get the right guys around him, plus it shows he's loyal, and it proves he's willing to put in the work to make the Cavs successful. Also, if he decides to go somewhere else, he's basically stabbing Cleveland in the heart on national TV.

ESPN shows LeBron walking around the gym of the Boys and Girls Club in Connecticut, trying to act like this is something totally routine or normal. The audacity of this guy... But I also really hate myself for watching this.

6:00 - Stuart Scott is anchoring the coverage. Great. My least favorite ESPN personality. I hate this even more.

6:04 - ESPN shows a LeBron montage filled with highlights and memorable moments. Of course, there's one highlight missing: the one where he wins a title.

6:11 - They just put up a graphic of LeBron wearing different jerseys. This is getting more and more stupid by the second. Also, what happened to announcing the decision in the first 10 minutes? Lies, ESPN! LIES!

6:20 - Still just mindless banter from the ESPN heads about sources and speculation. And now another commercial break. This is so mind numbingly annoying. I feel like Barry Bonds. I hate everyone.

6:22 - They finally cut to LeBron and Jim Gray. Rather than just ask LeBron where he's going, Jim does a stupid dance of asking lead in questions. No one cares, Jim. No one cares.

6:25 - He's still asking questions. I'm pretty sure I'm going to punch Jim Gray in the face if I see him on the street because he's allowing this stupidity to go on further.

6:26 - LeBron says that his decision is based on the best situation to win. That sound you heard was Cleveland getting kicked in the groin.

6:27 - The decision: It's the Miami Heat! America can finally breathe again!

6:32 - LeBron just said, "I know how loyal I am." That's the LOL moment of the interview so far.

6:36 - They're showing reactions from around the country to his announcement. Miami? Unbridled excitement. Cleveland? You can probably guess.

6:39 - The game I'm looking forward to in the 2010-2011 season: Miami at Cleveland. Especially LeBron's pregame chalk throw. You probably won't have heard as many boos and cuss words since John Rocker pitched in New York.

6:43 - LeBron just compared his Big Three to the Celtics Big Three and talks about how that Celtics team had guys around them step up. He then mentions Rondo as being a guy who was relatively unknown, stepped up to support the Big Three, and ended up becoming one of the best point guards in the game right now. Okay, LeBron. I hate to break this to you, but Mario Chalmers is not the second coming of Rondo. Trust me, I had both of them on my fantasy team last year. One of them ended up being awesome and the second most untradeable guy on my team, and one of them ended up getting dropped from my roster by December. Guess which one was which.

6:46 - I'm seeing Facebook statuses go up everywhere. Just a friendly reminder to everyone: it's Miami Heat, not Miami HeatS.

6:49 - They show Cleveland fans burning LeBron jerseys. Michael Wilbon asks LeBron his reaction to that. "I'm going to be happy with the decision I've made and continue to be great." Wow. What a douche.

6:52 - Jim Gray's interview finally over. Stuart Scott's annoying voice chimes in and says to stick around for one more announcement from LeBron. It's probably going to be something about the money he raised for charity through this event, or he's going to let Cleveland fans know where he left their collective ripped-out heart.

7:02 - They ask LeBron a fan question sponsored by Vitamin Water. The question: who would win in a game of HORSE, you or President Obama? By the way, did I mention that LeBron's people are controlling every aspect of this event?

7:05 - LeBron thanks the sponsors and mentions how much this event helped the Boys and Girls Club. Unfortunately, no mention on where he left Cleveland's stomped-on heart.

7:11 - LeBron makes his next big announcement: the University of Phoenix president tells LeBron they're making a donation to the Boys and Girls Clubs of America. Seriously, this whole thing is beyond stupid now.

Okay, the show went on for a little bit longer, but I got tired of listening to the same thing over and over again. I'll close with a couple of thoughts.

First, let's get one thing straight -- I don't think LeBron is a douche for going to the Heat. He's a free agent and he can do whatever he wants. That's life. I do, however, think he's a douche for the way he went to the Heat. Instead of just calling a simple news conference or announcing it through the team like most players do, LeBron had his people talk to ESPN and negotiate a one hour special dedicated totally to him. He chose the time, the location, the format, the setting, the sponsors, and even the advertisers for the program. Everything was calculated perfectly so that the LeBron hour would be exactly how he wanted it and done in such a way that would build his brand further. Even at the end of the show, he discussed how he was dedicating money to the Boys and Girls Clubs of America, as if to demonstrate to the world that, hey, he's still a nice guy.

But you know who a real class act is? Kevin Durant, who quietly announced his five-year extension with the Thunder on his Twitter account. Just another reason why I love him and OKC.

Second, Dan Gilbert's letter to the fans of Cleveland was probably one of the funniest things I've ever read. Was it over the top? Probably a little bit. But at the same time, I understand where he's coming from. At the beginning of the free agent bonanza, LeBron said Cleveland had the inside track to re-signing him. That was a pretty bold-faced lie. He also never called or spoke to Gilbert before making his announcement. I think that's a pretty big slap in the face for the team that basically made you a god for your entire career so far to have to wait like everyone else for you to make your announcement.

Third, this Heat team won't win a championship next year. I can just about guarantee you that. They're going to need a couple years to build up a bench and some role guys for LeBron/Wade/Bosh. But I think anything less than two championships over the next five years for this group has to be considered a failure. After all the hype and buildup, there is an enormous expectation on all of them (and rightfully so). And it won't be easy. They still have to go through a really good Bulls team, a really good Magic team, and a still really good Lakers team (not to mention a Thunder team that is on the rise). You think Kobe won't be motivated to beat these guys? I hate that fool, but the last thing I want to do is give him another reason to want to beat me.

In the end, I don't disrespect LeBron the player's decision, but I lost respect for LeBron the person tonight. He seemed like a guy who really wanted to win, who had a positive attitude and a good sense of humor to match. Instead, he's just revealed himself to be another selfish athlete concerned more about himself rather than focusing on the real reason why he should famous in the first place: winning.

One Reason to Have Less KP

2010-07-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

During the World Cup, I was asked several times who I would root for if Korea and the United States ever ended up playing each other. It's a question I've mulled over many times in the past and my answer was almost always Korea. I wasn't ever totally sure why, but I think I was influenced (or brainwashed) largely by family and friends who have an inordinate amount of Korean pride.

However, as this year's Cup went on, I realized something: in spite of the best efforts of the most prideful of Koreans I know, it turns out that I actually have very little KP. The reality is that I take much more pride in America than Korea, so much so that if Korea and the US played, I'd openly root for America. I know this will probably get me banned from the motherland, but it's the truth. Plus, if you want to talk strictly soccer teams, I can name almost everyone on the US squad: Donovan, Bradley, Altidore, Howard, Dempsey, Onyewu, etc. The Korea team? Well, there's Park Ji-Sung who plays for ManU. And then there's... uh... Kim something... yeah... anyway, you get the point.

Still, I love the Korean part of who I am. It's not something I'd change and, at times, I wish that I was able to embrace it more.

And then I saw something today that made me fairly ashamed to be even slightly Korean. Take a look at this:

In case you haven't put it together yet, that is former reality dad turned professional douche Jon Gosselin's new tattoo: a Korean dragon. To be sure, Gosselin is part Korean, but man... I really wish he wasn't. It's a sad day for all Koreans everywhere to have to be linked to this fool. But let's take away the fact that it's a Korean tattoo for a second. That's just a dumbass tattoo period. Come on, man. You're what, 40 freaking years old? When you got those diamond studs in your ears, that was bad enough. If you're going to have a midlife crisis, go buy a sports car. Or go buy a yacht. Or go hit on some young girl! (...sorry, Jon. Bad example).

Anyway, it's moments like these that make me glad to identify a little bit more with the American in me. Of course, that tends to have its own problems from time to time...

Ohh Baby Give Me One More Chanceee

2010-06-30T00:55:00.000-07:00

I was humming some lines of the Jackson 5 classic "I Want You Back" the other day and someone who heard me singing said something along the lines of, "I love that song! Lil' Romeo!"

A little bit of me died inside when I heard that. So for everyone's information, Lil' Romeo's song "My Baby" is a sample of the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." And for the record, it KILLS Lil' Romeo's version. Let's be real here for a minute -- Lil' Romeo is a freaking clown. The only reason "My Baby" was a hit was because it was already a hit song... when the Jackson 5 made it. Want more proof? Name me one other popular Lil' Romeo song. Just one. I'll wait. Still waiting. Whatcha got? Nothing? At all? Thank you. The defense rests.

So here's a history lesson for everyone in the form of song: The Jackson 5 - I Want You Back.

The Daily Show - World Cup Edition

2010-06-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

Let's set the scene: Jon Stewart is American. John Oliver is English. They've been doing a running segment on the World Cup.

First, John Oliver visits the US Soccer training camp heading into the World Cup.

Second, Jon and John recap the USA-England match.

Third, Jon and John recap the USA-Algeria match.

And finally, John explores Africa's rich culture at the World Cup.

Gooooooool!!!!

2010-06-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

Most exciting moment of the World Cup ever... (if you're a USA fan.)

I also found this video of American reactions to Landon Donovan's goal. I just have one question: how did Davis, CA make it on this video??

Game Four Running Diary

2010-06-10T18:03:00.001-07:00

Basically, this was the scenario going into Thursday night: the Celtics had to win Game Four or else the series was pretty much over -- down 3-1 is obviously too much to overcome.

With so much riding on the game, it's time for a running diary. Let's take a look back at Game Four...

First Quarter

11:37 - Kobe hits his signature fadeaway to open the game. Then he whines for a foul. He's in good form tonight.

9:56 - Ray Allen puts up a three and the entire arena holds their breath as he releases... he misses. Collective confidence in Ray Ray slowly going down...

7:56 - Paul Pierce scores again. Seven points already. A good sign that he's actually shown up for this game.

6:45 - Ray Allen misses another jumper... confidence still going down...

5:50 - Artest launches a three... and he doesn't even hit the rim. Every time Ron Artest loads up for a three, you can hear the screams of "Nooooo!!!!" from Lakers fans all the way from LA.

Timeout. Lakers 12, Celtics 11.

5:03 - Ray Allen takes a jumper at the shot clock buzzer... and it rattles in and out. Yup... still going down.

4:26 - Paul Pierce takes it to the hole again and draws another foul on Fisher. Yes! Aggressive Paul Pierce! We've missed you!

Celtics 12, Lakers 12

3:35 - Pierce hits another jumper. 10 points in the first so far.

14-14.

3:06 - Lamar Kardashian shoots a three as the shot clock runs out and misses... but the Lakers get the offensive rebound. There are few things more frustrating in basketball than the opposing team getting an offensive rebound... which is why I want to destroy my TV every time I watch a Warriors game.

Speaking of the Kardashians... some company in Boston printed out a bunch of masks of Khloe's face and passed them out to Celtics fans who then held the masks up whenever Lamar was on the line and chanted, "UG-LY SIS-TER." I know it hasn't really affected Lamar that much, but that's pretty hilarious.

1:36 - Rondo sees a seam and explodes to the hoop for an easy layup. That's the Rondo I know and love.

16-14 Celtics

0:24 - Gasol spins to the hoop, loses his balance on his own, and the refs call a foul on Rasheed!!!! No sport has refs as terrible as the NBA. On a related note, no one has better reactions to fouls getting called on him than Rasheed Wallace.

0:03 - Nate Robinson hits a three at the end of the quarter and the Celtics go up after the first.

19-16 Celtics.

Second Quarter

11:30 - Shannon Brown gets an and one to open the quarter. Can we all just agree that the only reason people think Shannon Brown is good is because he can jump really high? Yeah? We're all in agreement? Okay good. Let's move on.

10:33 - After Big Baby and Artest exchange shots, Nate Robinson hits another three. You have to like how much he's able to pump up the crowd based solely on the fact that he's 5-10. Little man complex? Absolutely. But the crowd loves it.

24-21 Celtics.

9:11 - Nice pick and roll from Pierce to Big Baby. And one. You also have to like how the commentators rave about Big Baby's athleticism based solely on the fact that he's fat.

By the way, do you remember how Big Baby said he didn't want to be called Big Baby anymore? Apparently no one listens to a guy named Big Baby.

8:47 - Shannon Brown hits a fadeaway jumper. Damn. That was actually pretty nice.

27-26 Celtics.

5:41 - Rasheed fouls Gasol again. He's incredulous again. For those of you counting at home, that's three fouls on 'Sheed now, with two facial expressions of disbelief.

Timeout.

A commercial for the new Karate Kid movie comes on. Okay, I really don't know what to think about this film. Kind of a cool idea, I guess? But like most remakes, it's probably really unneccessary, and like all remakes, it's just a money grab. I know this for sure, though: Ralph Macchio > Will Smith's kid.

5:30 - Rondo drives and gets fouled by Kobe. But OMG, Rondo can't shoot free throws for his life. He misses both. That's 4-for-15 for the series from the free throw line. Wow...

Kobe comes back with a three. Wow I hate him.

32-29, Lakers.

4:11 - After a Pierce hook shot, Kobe hits another three. WOW I hate him.

35-31, Lakers.

3:42 - OMG WTF KOBE HITS ANOTHER THREE. (okay, jk turns out it was only a two. But still. I hate him.)

37-33, Lakers.

1:30 - A few possessions and a timeout later, Ron Artest gets an easy layup, but Garnett answers back with an and one.

43-38 Lakers.

1:02 - Kobe flops and gets an offensive foul against Paul Pierce. He must be getting ready for the World Cup or something.

0:49 - But Kobe comes back and turns it over!... which leads to an easy Rondo layup.

43-40 Lakers.

0:17 - Fisher takes a jump shot and misses, but the Celtics still can't grab the freaking rebound!! Gasol gets fouled on the next shot and makes both free throws.

45-40 Lakers.

0:00 - Celtics run a play for Ray!... who gets his shot swatted by Gasol (confidence still going down....) but Garnett gets the loose ball and puts it in as time runs out.

45-42 Lakers.

Halftime. Stuart Scott has to be in the top-ten of the most annoying people on the face of the earth. That's my only thought for halftime. Okay, one more thought: Magic Johnson sucks as an analyst. Charles Barkley > Magic Johnson.

Third Quarter

Took a break for dinner so I missed the first part of the third quarter, but it's about halfway through the quarter now and the score is now 53-48 Lakers. Remember, the score was 45-42 at halftime. We got a real barn burner here.

5:09 - Celtics score three straight baskets and take the lead.

4:43 - ...but Kobe hits another three. Yep. Still hate him.

56-54 Lakers.

4:24 - Ray shoots... and finally hits!!! They show his mom cheering. Seriously, if you put a wig on Ray Allen, he would look just his mom. It's kind of eerie.

56-56.

Timeout.

Commercial for The Book of Eli which I still haven't seen. "It's not a book, it's a WEAPON!!!"

Back to the action.

The Celtics just took like four or five straight shots and missed all of them. Fortunately, the Lakers have been doing the same.

2:13 - Ray hits two free throws.

58-56 Celtics.

1:51 - Kobe hits a ridiculous three. Eff.

59-58 Celtics.

1:36 - Rasheed picks up his fourth foul. I hate this guy.

1:24 - Yep. Another Kobe three. Double eff.

1:05 - Rasheed comes back with an airball. Fortunately, Big Baby bails him out by putting the ball back in. Seriously, Rasheed. I can't stand you.

62-60 Lakers.

0:03 - Kobe gets stripped on the inbound, but the Celtics mess up the fast break again. Annnd that's how the third quarter ends.

62-60 Lakers.

Fourth Quarter

Nate Robinson starts the fourth quarter and Mark Jackson mentions how Robinson can bring some energy and scoring that Rondo hasn't been able to bring. As much as I love Rajon, I have to agree with Mark. Rondo's been playing super tentative these last few games and, unfortunately, I think it has to do with his fear of going to the free throw line where he's atrocious. Meanwhile, Nate Robinson just plays with absolute reckless abandon. Sure, he's probably too emotional sometimes, but he plays fearlessly which you have to admire.

10:10 After a few baskets are traded, Nate Robinson jumps on a loose ball and gets a timeout. And since it's Nate Robinson, he gets up and starts screaming and pumping up the crowd like a mad man. Did I mention Nate Robinson is emotional?

64-64.

9:45 - Big Baby gets his 13th point in 14 minutes. I love his athleticism!!!!!

66-64 Celtics.

8:56 - Ray hits another jumper! Confidence soaring!!

68-64 Celtics.

8:22 - After a crazy sequence which involved Ray blocking Gasol, Big Baby gets a basket and the foul! He starts screaming Nate Robinson style. ABC then turns on the delay for a solid five seconds straight to mute out all the swearing that Big Baby just did.

The announcers make sure to mention his athleticism again.

71-64 Celtics.

7:46 - After an Odom layup, Tony Allen gets an and one! Yes, that's right! TONY Allen!

74-66 Celtics.

6:18 - Another foul on Rasheed.... he starts screaming and running around in disbelief again... and then he gets a T. Someone please just shoot Rasheed. Fortunately Kobe misses the freebie.

"Kobe sucks" chant starts. I like it... but I also worry that it's going to make Kobe turn his game on. You can sort of tell the crowd is thinking the same thing as the chant dies down pretty quickly.

74-68 Celtics.

6:18 - After the teams exchange some baskets, Rasheed hits a three! I've always loved Rasheed!!!

79-70 Celtics.

5:39 - Gasol hits a tough layup, which is then followed by Nate Robinson drawing a foul on Odom, which is then followed by Nate taunting Odom, which is then followed by Nate getting T'd up. This incident would be exhibit A in the People versus Nate Robinson's emotions.

79-72 Celtics

Somehow, though, Fisher misses the free throw. Nate comes back and makes his two free throws. Slight redemption.

81-72 Celtics.

5:20 - Odom gets a layup which is followed by an off balance three attempt by Nate which misses. Paul Pierce, KG, and Rondo immediately get ready to check in.

4:22 - Nate comes back, makes a nice move to the hoop, and floats one in! Absolute redemption, Andy Dufresne style! THIS is what Rondo needs to be doing!! As I say that, Pierce, KG, and Rondo go back to the bench and sit down.

83-74 Celtics.

3:57 - Big Baby gets fouled and makes both shots.

85-74 Celtics.

3:44 - Artest gets an and one.

85-77 Celtics.

2:50 - It's under three minutes now and KG, Rondo, and Pierce still aren't in the game. As soon as I think that, Tony Allen takes an idiot three which is then followed by Kobe getting fouled. Yeah, I'm pretty sure those three guys are coming back in now.

Going into the commercial break, they show a replay of Nate Robinson jumping on Big Baby's back and both of them screaming like psychos. But the bench has 36 points tonight so let them scream all they want, I guess.

Kobe hits his free throws, but Paul Pierce comes back with a jumper.

87-79 Celtics.

1:55 - Kobe hits another shot. al;adie;rklafkfjalk;jd

87-81 Celtics.

1:16 - Pierce turns it over, but Garnett steals it back! This leads to Pierce driving, making the basket, and drawing the foul on Kobe. In LA, that play is called a charge (probably the right call, I admit). But you know what? It's not LA! SO WHO CARES?!

90-81 Celtics.

1:07 - Ray fouls Kobe on a three pointer. Wow...

90-84 Celtics.

Under a minute to go...

0:31 - Boston gets nothing on their possession. Kobe drives to his right, passes back to the perimeter, but Rondo steals it and takes it all the way for the layup!

0:22 - Derek Fisher comes back down and gets an easy two.

92-86 Celtics.

0:22 - KG looks to inbound, Lakers have to foul. Rondo's standing unguarded right in front of KG asking for the ball. But because of Rondo's free throw inability, KG is probably more likely to pass it to the popcorn vendor than Rondo right now. He calls timeout instead.

A couple more possessions, including another Kobe three (I really hate him), but the Celtics close it out with a few more free throws.

Final score: Celtics 96, Lakers 89.

Postgame analysis.

1. Boston's bench saved them tonight. And while bench play is, of course, very important, the Big Three need to find a lot more consistency and Rondo needs to man up and really get into these games.

2. The Lakers are going to really miss Andrew Bynum if he can't go next game. The importance of his size and length cannot be underestimated because the Lakers bigs kill the Celtics bigs. (But I still love Big Baby's athleticism.) Speaking of Bynum, I think we can officially put him in the category of "guys who have a ton of talent and ability but never reached their full potential because of injuries."

Anyway, pivotal Game Five looms ahead. See you Sunday.

World Cup Warmup

2010-06-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

The World Cup is around the corner and I can't lie -- I'm getting pretty excited. Yes, it means watching games at 4:30 am, but that's part of the fun of it... right? Anyway, thinking about soccer reminded me of a great column by Bill Simmons of his experience going to a USA-Mexico soccer match at Azteca Stadium in Mexico City last year. It's just crazy. It also kind of makes me really hate Mexico. (P.S. Letty, if you're reading this, I still think you're cool.)

Anyway, the most anticipated match of group play is about 48 hours away: USA-England. For those of you who don't know, England is really good at soccer. In fact, the game was invented there. But while Americans may know close to nothing about soccer, you can't accuse them for not being patriotic enough: in a New York Times poll, 63 percent of NYTimes readers believe the US is going to win the game, versus 37 percent who believe England is going to win the game. Now if you think that's optimism, listen to this: according to Nielsen, 46 percent of Americans believe the US will win the World Cup. Uhh... what?! Either the people polled think the World Cup is a basketball tournament, or the Obama administration needs to get these guys to run some approval polls for them.

Anyway, check out a fun World Cup-themed podcast from the aforementioned Bill Simmons with Michael Davies, who's actually a TV producer but very well-rounded in soccer. (You actually have to scroll down to the archived podcasts and click the BS Report from 6/1.) Plus, Michael Davies is British so he just sounds like he really knows what he's talking about.

Let's close with two thoughts on the NBA Finals: first, when are the Big Three all going to show up on the same night? Good Lord. Every night so far it's been the Big One featuring the Washed Up Other Two and it's absolutely killing Boston.

Second thought: in Game Three, there was a moment when Rasheed Wallace took a three-pointer and (as expected) he bricked it. ABC's Mark Jackson then said something along the lines of, "I like that shot. Rasheed is a dead-on three point shooter." That was easily the LOL moment of the Finals so far, with Doc Rivers running on the court to call timeout in Game Two a close second.

P.S. Scroll down to my last post and read what I wrote about Ray Allen. I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!

The Finals

2010-06-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say it: I'm not sure I've ever been more intrigued by a championship series that had two teams I have zero interest in than this year's Finals.

For the most part as a sports fan, you have that set group of teams you root for day in and day out. Now, if you're a Bay Area sports fan like me, it's mostly been bitter endings as of late. I really have to think hard to the last time any Bay Area team was in the playoffs... and I'm pretty sure it was the Warriors playoff run in 2007. And what came of that? One year of basketball excitement like I've never experienced before in my life... followed by a rapid return to horribleness.

(By the way, I know the Sharks are in the playoffs every year, but let's be real here: you don't watch hockey and neither do I. Plus, they choke every year anyway, so whatever.)

So that brings us to this year's Finals. Celtics-Lakers. Two teams I should honestly care less about except for one thing: I hate the Lakers. With a passion. I hate the team. I hate their bandwagon fans who can't name anyone on the team besides Kobe. I hate that Staples Center looks more like a movie premiere with all the celebrities in the stands than a basketball game. I hate Sasha Vujacic. And I'll be honest -- I hate that the Lakers are good.

Now, at the beginning of the year, I had more or less assumed the Lakers would repeat. I had made peace with it. No other team had really improved dramatically and, if anything, the Lakers got better after winning it all in 2009 by adding Ron "I'm seriously from another planet but I can play basketball well" Artest. But something funny happened. After sucking in the regular season and everyone assuming the Big Three-era Celtics were done, Boston came alive in the playoffs. And I mean REALLY alive. They vanquished Dwyane Wade, then LeBron James, then Dwight Howard. And now they have a chance of vanquishing Kobe Bryant as well.

So suddenly, I'm extremely interested in the series. Last year, when the Magic played the Lakers in the Finals, I think I watched two games. Maybe. Like the rest of America, I knew that Orlando had no chance. It was a forgone conclusion that the Lakers would be champions. Sure enough, five games and it was over. But this year? The Celtics are a legit foe for LA, and even though the Lakers are the favorite, it shouldn't surprise anyone if Boston wins. And that's the difference between this year and last year: an uncertain outcome. That's what makes the Finals intriguing.

Now, I'm not going to make a prediction because I really have zero clue who's going to win this series. I'm sure it will got six or seven games, though, and I'm sure it will be just as dramatic and fun to watch as 2008. So here are The Punch's five most important players of the Finals.

5. Pau Gasol. I've been in denial for a long time, but deep down I know this: Pau Gasol is really good. He's an excellent big man and he's gotten better since the '08 Finals when everyone kept calling him soft. The Celtics have good big men defenders, but Gasol isn't like Dwight Howard who you can foul, put on the free throw line, then slightly laugh as he barely touches the rim and his free throws. Unfortunately, Gasol is good from the line. One noteworthy thing in the Suns-Lakers series was that Amare Stoudemire really took it to Gasol when he was determined (which is a rarity for Amare), and it showed that Gasol can still be overpowered. The problem for the C's, though, is that they don't really have a big man who dominates offensively (although they could try with Garnett) so it's more or less a moot point.

4. Ray Allen. When he's hot, he hits threes like no one's business. When he's cold, he misses threes like no one's business.

3. Rajon Rondo. I've been saying this for a while now, but Rondo has become the best player on the Celtics. He creates, he drives, he rebounds, he plays defense, and he's improved his field goal shooting. You can make the case that, given his success and the numbers he puts up, he is the best point guard in the game right now. But Rondo makes everyone around him better and he helps take the load off the Big Three. The one problem he has, though, is that he doesn't like the ball in his hands in crunch time largely because he doesn't want to get fouled and go to the free throw line where he's still pretty awful. So that means the go-to guy in pressure time is...

2. Paul Pierce. He's not as quick or as explosive as he used to be, but Paul Pierce loves to take over. He can hurt you in so many ways: driving, drawing fouls, mid-range shooting, threes. He might not be Boston's best player, but he's their most important.

1. Kobe Bryant. Okay, let's just put it out there. I hate Kobe. He's cocky, he's a diva, he's a douche, and it's always his way or no way. But he's good. Damn good. Everyone knows that Kobe isn't the player he once was. He's not as quick, his knees aren't as good, and he can't drive like he did when he was younger, so he's forced to shoot a lot more. The thing that infuriates me, though, is that he makes most of those crazy ass shots. Game Six against Phoenix wasn't even fair. He'd be double teamed, have a hand in his face, take an absurd fadeaway jumper, and hit it. WTF, man.

The biggest challenge for him might be to remind the rest of the Lakers that this is still his team. Some guys on the team get that, like Gasol and Fisher. They look to Kobe at the end of the game, defer to him, and let him dictate it. Other guys, though, still feel like they need the glory, namely Ron "seriously, what goes on in my head?" Artest. Remember Game Five against the Suns when Artest took that idiotic three with 50 seconds left even though the Lakers had just gotten a full shot clock? Watch it again and look at Kobe's reaction right after. He was pissed. Rightfully so, I might add. I'm surprised he didn't go over to Artest during the timeout and beat him with the Gatorade cooler. But the bottom line is that no one knows how to end a game like Kobe. Sure, he might not always hit the shot at the end, but he thrives in those moments. It's never over with him. And that's why I hate him even more.

P.S. My favorite guy in the NBA, Steve Nash, on the BS Report with Bill Simmons today. Honestly, how do you not love Nash? He's a great player, an even better teammate, and a really good guy. Please, God, let Steve Nash win an NBA championship one day.

Conan at Google

2010-05-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

The title says it all. Conan at his best. Enjoy.

Also, in the spirit of the NBA playoffs, here's a throwback for you basketball fans. I present to you the greatest TV theme song ever. Get the NBA back on NBC immediately if for no other reason than the theme song.

Follow-up: Okay, wow. When I YouTubed the NBA on NBC theme song, it brought up this LIVE VERSION of John Tesh performing it. I'm blown away. Amazing.

What Now, LeBron?

2010-05-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

Going into this year, I was 100 percent confident that LeBron James was going to remain a Cavalier when his contract ended at the conclusion of the season. There were a few reasons why, namely the Cavs are a very good team, they're willing to do just about anything to make him happy, he's a hometown boy, and the other teams that have been said to be interested in him (i.e. the Knicks) really suck. It just made sense.

Also, there's one thing that needs to be made very clear: LeBron James doesn't need to go to a bigger market to become a bigger star. LeBron IS the market. In this day and age of branding and sponsorships, LeBron is everywhere. Here's a list of brands that LeBron is partnered with just off the top of my head: Nike, Vitamin Water, State Farm, McDonald's, and Coca-Cola. Money ain't a thang. Neither is LeBron's level of exposure. So what's the only thing left for LeBron? Winning championships. And at the end of the regular season, it seemed as though Cleveland was the most logical place for that to happen.

Fast forward to the end of Game 5 of the Cavs-Celtics series and suddenly what seemed like a sure thing is now anything but. After the Celtics humiliated the Cavs in Cleveland and took the 3-2 series lead heading back to Boston, we suddenly now have to wonder if this really is the end of the road for LeBron in Cleveland. There's pretty much only one sure-fire way to ensure that LeBron stays in a Cavs uniform: winning a championship this year. Instead, the Cavs find themselves on the brink yet again.

The problem with the Cavs becomes very evident if you watch them play in a close playoff game: they basically try to let LeBron do everything. Okay, sure, it makes sense. He's the best player in the league, so why not? But everyone else on the team is scared to make plays.

Here's a scenario for you: let's say you're Jamario Moon. There's less than five minutes to play in the fourth quarter, the shot clock is winding down, and somehow you've ended up with the ball in your hands. You're a decent shooter and if you pull the trigger right now, you'll get a pretty good look at the hoop. But the crowd is waiting for you to pass it to LeBron. Mike Brown is waiting for you to pass it to LeBron. Your teammates are waiting for you to pass it to LeBron. The other team is waiting for you to pass it to LeBron. LEBRON is waiting for you to pass it to LeBron. And in your head, this thought goes through your mind: "If I make this shot, I could be a hero. But if I miss it, everyone in this building is going to kill me because I didn't pass it to LeBron and give him the opportunity to win the game." So what do you do? Well, you're sure as hell not taking that shot. And you're even more sure as hell passing it to LeBron, who is then promptly triple teamed, forced to take a fall-away three pointer as the shot clock runs out, which bricks off the back iron.

Bottom line: No one else on the Cavs is a no-doubt-about-it star anymore, which means no one else has the confidence to take the ball in their own hands in crunch time. This also means that opponents basically know what's coming every single possession: LeBron. Look at the rest of the guys on the Cavs roster: Shaq? Way past his prime. Antawn Jamison? Please. Mo Williams? Way too inconsistent. At this point, he's probably better known for being a John Legend look alike. In fact, if you saw him walk down the street, would you think, "Hey! It's Mo Williams!" Or would you think, "Hey! It's John Legend!" I can't lie. I'd probably think it's John Legend. And when you're the after thought in the celebrity look alike department, that should tell you all you really need to know about your level of renown.

Anyway, LeBron is quickly learning the importance of a good sidekick. If nothing else, they're at least someone who the defense has to think about and probably double team every now and then. Look at other championship teams: Kobe/Gasol, Garnett/Pierce/Allen, Duncan/Parker/Ginobli, D-Wade/Shaq, Kobe/Shaq, Jordan/Pippen. Whose name is possibly going to be teamed up with LeBron's? No one who's on the Cavs' roster right now.

And that brings us to the all-important question: where does LeBron go? Well, you can't throw Cleveland out of the discussion, but you have to say that it's probably 50-50 he stays now. I highly doubt he's going to New York because they suck, remember? I don't think Miami is the place either because they have some things they need to get figured out there too, namely keeping their own star from jumping ship. The Clippers have also been thrown out there as a possible destination. Excuse me while I keep laughing. So that leaves one place: Chicago. This is a young, talented team that's on the rise and they have the cap space to sign LeBron. They're one or two moves away from becoming a REALLY good team. Plus, it's a legendary basketball city. Now I know some people might think that LeBron wants to carve out his own legacy and doesn't want to be in the shadow of MJ, but the Bulls can spin it this way: LeBron would be known for revitalizing Chicago basketball, much like the Big Three did in Boston. And the more I think about it, the more I think that it would be a really good fit. LeBron would have his fellow star and top-tier point guard in Derrick Rose, he'd have a guy willing to go all-out every game in Joakim Noah, and he'd have good role players in guys like Luol Deng and Kirk Hinrich. It could really be something fun to watch. Stay tuned...

On a side note, can you believe they way Rajon Rondo's been playing?? People may not want to say it because the Big Three are still in Boston, but he is absolutely the best player on the Celtics. I loved him when he was at Kentucky and now he's evolved into one of the best point guards in the league (My top PG rankings: 1. Steve Nash 2. Chris Paul 3. Rondo 4. Deron Williams). I had him on my fantasy team this year and I made him basically the second most untradeable guy on my team next to Kevin Durant. A lot of guys in the league couldn't understand why... but now everyone understands. I sure showed them. Of course, I didn't come close to winning the league, but that's just a minor detail...

Rabble, rabble, rabble!

2010-05-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

I just read about the hunger strike currently being held by 18 UC Berkeley students and union workers which has been going on since Monday. The strike is in response to the controversial Arizona immigration legislation, and the strikers say they're going to keep it up until they get to talk to the chancellor in person. Somewhat understandably, the main thing they want is for the chancellor to denounce the immigration law which, for the record, he said he's ready to do. Don't get me wrong; I think the legislation is racist and absurdly discriminatory. But the strikers have also built up a list of other interesting demands...

Here's the rundown:

1. Asking the chancellor to publicly denounce Arizona's immigration law.
Sure. It's a horrible law, so why not stand up and speak out against it?

2. Make UC Berkeley a sanctuary campus and provide extended protections for undocumented students.
I see the connection. While I don't know how much I necessarily agree with it, this demand makes sense against the backdrop of protesting the immigration law.

3. Drop all student conduct charges against student activists.
Uh... okay? Is this Arizona related?

4. Stop cuts to low-wage employees.
I mean, yeah, that's a good idea. And how can you be against that... but again, we're starting to get away from Arizona...

5. Suspend conduct procedures and initiate a democratic, student-led process to review the code.
So you want to suspend the current conduct code, and then have the students review and create new conduct procedures with no oversight from university authorities? Yeah, I can totally see how that's a really good idea. Also... Arizona? Remember?

6. Commit to using nonviolent means of ensuring safety at student demonstrations in the future.
"Don't tase me, bro!"

7. Crack down on stupid Berkeley pedestrians who think they can walk wherever they want, whenever they want.
Okay, I made that last one up. But if there was ever a protest against idiot pedestrians, I'd be on the front lines ready for the tear gas.

Anyway, my point in all of this is that these strikers seem to be well-intentioned in wanting to make a statement against the Arizona law, but they then seem to be extending their demonstration to change policies that have nothing to do with Arizona at all. In fact, more than anything else, they appear to be trying to cover their own backs so that whenever they decide to protest in the future, they can do so without consequences. It seems as though the strikers have now reached the point where they've forgotten what it was they were fighting for in the first place.

In other words... another successful Berkeley protest.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

2010-05-06T15:30:00.000-07:00

The best show on television that I know you're not watching is finally back: Friday Night Lights. Season four debuts (when else?) Friday night on NBC. I've done some thinking, and there are pretty much only three reasons why you would have never seen this show:

1. You probably think that it's a show primarily about football. And since you can't tell the difference between a running back and a wide receiver, why would you ever watch the show? But FNL is not a cliched football show. More than anything, it's a social commentary of Middle America and small town life. The decisions that the characters make and the results of those choices are often influenced BY football, but very little of the show actually takes place on the field. Plus, it's dramatic as hell.

2. You might have been interested in watching it, but you never knew when it was on. This is a pretty legit excuse. When FNL first came out, it was slotted against Dancing With the Stars. And because America was then developing an obsession with watching semi-celebrities dance, it didn't work out so well for FNL. Then the show was moved around tons of times, weakly promoted, and eventually threatened with cancellation. Hope seemed lost, but DirecTV came to FNL's rescue. Because the show was so critically acclaimed, DirecTV agreed to pick up some of the production costs for the show with the stipulation that the new seasons (only 13 episodes long) would be broadcast on DirecTV first, and then later shown on NBC. The ideal situation? Of course not. But sometimes you gotta take what you can get. Just ask Mariah Carey about Nick Cannon.

And the final reason why you aren't watching this show...

3. You don't own a TV and you don't have Internet. And if that's the case, we probably have some other things we need to talk about besides you not watching Friday Night Lights.

Random Links for Your Friday

2010-04-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

-- Steve Carell has stated that the next season of The Office -- Season 7 -- is going to be his last. And if it really is the end of the road for Michael Scott, my vote would be to end the show all together. The Office has had a great run, but let's be honest -- ever since the end of Season 3 and into Season 4, The Office has kind of lost some of its magic. And without Michael Scott? Come on. What's the point? Plus, let's not forget the worst part of no more Michael Scott: the end of that's what she said jokes.

-- This story about young people who work for the Obama Administration felt like some kind of screenplay that combined elements of The West Wing, Friends, and The Real World. Actually, it's kind of like a Washington version of The Hills. You have young, attractive people who lead privileged lives, except it's set in D.C. and it's politics, not fashion. Oh, and the people on the D.C. version actually earned their careers. I also like how The New York Times included an interactive map where the young Obama team members hang out so you can go and try and be hip with them.

--And here's San Francisco, right on cue. Now, I know what you're thinking: instead of worrying about what Arizona's doing, shouldn't San Francisco's higher ups be focused on trying to improve San Francisco? And you would be right... until you remembered that this is San Francisco, and this is exactly the kind of thing that San Francisco does. Then it all makes sense.

--Speaking of San Francisco, this video from 60 Minutes about the construction of the new Bay Bridge left me feeling pretty uneasy about living in the Bay Area. Like, REALLY uneasy. California love?

--Let's end on a more upbeat note, shall we? Get ready for Conan's first interview since leaving NBC. Suck on it, Leno.

--Okay, one more. Go Ags.

Over and Out

2010-04-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

I received a call at work today and I had to take the guy's information. Now normally, when people need to spell names or email addresses out and there are letters that might be confusing, they'll say something like, "S as in Sam, M as in Mary..." things like that. So this is the exact conversation that took place between me and this caller:

Me: Okay, can I get your email address?

Guy: Yeah, sure. It's Charlie...

Me (thinking): Hmm, his name isn't Charlie... maybe it's some kind of nickname.

Guy: Bravo...

Me (thinking): Huh... that's an interesting email address...

Guy: Uniform....

Me (thinking): Okay, what the hell is this...

Guy: Romeo...

Me (thinking): ...... wow.....

In case you haven't figure it out by now, the guy was spelling his email out using MILITARY PHONETICS. If you don't know what that is, here's the Wikipedia entry under its official title, the ICAO spelling alphabet. You've seen it before, though, probably in war movies. You know, the soldiers get on their radios and say something like, "Bravo, Charlie, Delta," or whatever.

So for some reason, this guy decided that he couldn't just spell his name like a normal person and just say the actual letters. Mind you, as Wikipedia points out, "The paramount reason [for the ICAO spelling alphabet] is to ensure intelligibility of voice signals over radio links." Basically, it's to make sure that there are no mix-ups in radio conversations, especially during combat situations.

Okay, so let's calm down, G.I. Joe. You're calling me from your office building to my office building. This isn't Iraq and you're not exactly calling me in for a missile strike on an enemy target. In fact, when you started saying all the Bravo, Charlie, Uniform crap, it just confused me even more because I had to think wayyyy more about it to the point that I didn't even get your email address! But it's moments like these that make me that much more grateful that it's Friday.

Happy weekend, everyone.

The Return of Coco

2010-04-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

You've probably heard by now, but Conan O'Brien has found his new home and in a pretty big surprise, it's TBS that landed Coco, not Fox like many had speculated. When I first heard this, I wasn't really sure what to think. Obviously it's cable TV, not network TV, and it's not like TBS exactly has an established late night TV history (i.e. George Lopez... and that's it). But the more and more I thought about it, it actually makes a lot of sense and it might actually be the ideal situation for Conan.

Here's why: if Conan were to go to Fox, it was going to create a whole situation involving local Fox affiliates and the network having to do some major shifting and redesigning of their schedule. It just looked really messy. But at TBS, they can basically do whatever they want. They gave him a great time slot (11pm), which starts 35 minutes before Leno and Letterman, and he has total creative control. Plus, it's cable so Conan can probably get away with a lot more jokes than if he were on network TV.

Additionally, Conan's show will have one of the best lead-ins possible: syndicated shows. Let's consider this hypothetical situation: let's say you're, I don't know, a 23 year-old male who stays up fairly late, pays attention to current events through the New York Times website (...and Facebook updates), but pretty much only watches shows on TV that will entertain him, which generally means something like Flavor of Love over Anderson Cooper 360. Do you think this hypothetical person is going to watch an hour of his local news before a late night talk show, or an hour of old episodes of The Office? Yeah, it's pretty close, but I think I... I mean, he... would choose The Office.

The point is that Conan is set up to do very well at TBS. He's going to be promoted on two channels (TNT and TBS). Plus, consider that TNT has the NBA playoffs and TBS has the MLB playoffs. Basically, you won't be able to escape the Conan hype machine.

Also, I think a lot of credit goes to George Lopez for making this happen. Conan initially didn't want to go to TBS because it would push George Lopez's show back, and that brought memories of a similar situation not too long ago... But Lopez called Conan up and told him he was all for it. is Lopez a good guy? Yeah, for sure. But he's also really smart. If you could have the most anticipated show in recent memory lead into yours, wouldn't you do it too?

It's also worth noting that Lopez's show right now is getting like over a million viewers a night. Wow. Who knew? After getting over that initial shock, it's also a pretty good indicator that Conan is going to be huge. No offense to George Lopez, but if his late night show can get a million-plus, you have to think that Conan's show is going to be off the charts.

So hats off to TBS for snagging one of the biggest names in the comedy industry. There's only one thing left for him to do: realize that all those Tyler Perry shows aren't funny in the slightest and they need to get rid of them immediately. Seriously. They suck. Trash them now. Please.

Random Movie Review: Heat

2010-04-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

I randomly started watching Heat the other night and I forgot how awesome this movie is. I feel like it's sort of gotten lost in the shuffle, and I'm pretty sure I'd put it in my Top-1o all-time most underrated movies. For those of you who have never seen it, Heat was made in 1995 and the movie stars Robert De Niro and Al Pacino with De Niro as the leader of a group of robber, and Pacino playing the cop who's trying to catch them. If that's not reason enough to see this movie, I don't know what else is. Come on. It's De Niro and Pacino! Can you imagine them making a crap movie together??

(Okay, I know they did that movie Righteous Kill a couple years ago and it looked like total crap. But other than that, they haven't made a crap movie together! In case you're wondering, the two other movies they've been in together are The Godfather Part II and Heat. So let's all just give them a pass on the Righteous Kill fiasco.)

But Heat is just a great crime thriller from start to finish and the character development is superb. As much as you root for Pacino to catch the bad guy, you also feel for De Niro and his crew and you want to see them somehow win also. And it turns out that the detective and the robber have much more in common than they both think. Also, this movie has two great performances from Ashley Judd and Val Kilmer. In fact, I think it's Val Kilmer's second best movie role ever. His first best role was obviously Iceman in Top Gun. Obviously. Then it's his role in Heat. And then... well... uh... he did Batman that one time. And then, uh... he did uh..... well, he'll always be Iceman in my heart! Never leave your wingman!

We also can't forget about a young Natalie Portman in this movie who plays Pacino's stepdaughter. I think we need to recognize Natalie Portman as probably one of the greatest child actors ever. She was great in Heat, and she had probably the greatest child actor performance ever in The Professional. Anyway, there's tons of other recognizable names/faces in Heat: Jon Voight, Dennis Haysbert aka the president from 24 aka the deep-voiced guy from the Allstate commercials, Tom Sizemore, and Hank Azaria aka the guy who does Moe's voice from The Simpsons. Also! Jeremy Piven has a short on-screen role as a doctor. Now that Piven is an established comedy star, it's funny to go back and see him in movies where he had serious roles. This also works for actors like Vince Vaughn and, to a slightly lesser extent, Jack Black. (Read their filmographies. You'll see what I mean.)

Now, does the movie have its problems? Sure. The film is too long. Clocking in at about 2 hours and 50 minutes, Heat would probably have been just as effective with a run time of 20-30 minutes less than that. But what makes up for this shortcoming is the post-bank robbery shootout sequence; probably one of my favorite shootout scenes ever. It's loud, it's fast-paced, and lots of stuff gets shot up. And just as important, it looks like a real shootout. Now, I've never seen a real shootout in person, but I imagine it looks much more like something from Heat than from, let's say... Bad Boys. Don't get me wrong! Both good movies! Just good for very different reasons. Anyway, if you haven't already, go see Heat immediately. It's that good. I promise.

Welcome back, Tiger

2010-04-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Have you heard? Tiger Woods is back on the golf course! Yes, after months of non-stop Tiger coverage in the tabloids, we get to see him do what he's actually famous for: play golf. And, in case you missed it, Nike has released a new Tiger ad.

The voice speaking to Tiger is his late father, Earl Woods, and the reaction to the ad has been largely negative. Critics have used the words "manipulative" and "vile" and "crass." And perhaps it is all these things to a certain degree. Using his father, a man who passed away nearly four years ago, to speak to him in a sort of from-the-beyond kind of way, it seems as though Nike is trying to create an almost spiritual inspiration of sorts. Does that belong here? Very debatable.

But here's what I think: it's actually a pretty well-done commercial. First off, it's simple. No gimmicks or special effects. It's just a 30-second black and white, single shot of Tiger. Second, Tiger doesn't say anything. He listens. I think that at this point, it's important for him to not be making any big speeches or offering more platitudes because he's tried that a couple times now and people just aren't taking him seriously. Third, it talks about the scandal. Granted, it does it indirectly, but it's clear that the purpose of the commercial is to address it and not try and act like it never happened.

Finally, what I think is most striking about this commercial is that it shows that Nike is committed to Tiger. The swoosh had been saying for a long time that they were standing by their man, but this was their first opportunity to show it. And in the commercial, Nike acknowledges that Tiger messed up. But at the same time, the last question of whether he learned anything (and by asking, it's implied that he did learn) I think it shows that everyone is ready to move on.

On that note, in the end, the best thing that Tiger can do to move past all the tabloid talk is to get out there and win. If there's one thing that we've learned from American athletes who get into trouble, it's that winning solves everything. Remember the Kobe Bryant rape trial? Yeah, neither does Kobe. Or the rest of America for that matter. Remember Ray Lewis? People forget that this was a man who was charged with murder! MURDER! You want to know the backlash of that? He was on a Super Bowl-winning team next year and then was put on the cover of a Madden video game a few years later. What a country.

Anyway, Tiger's doing his part with a -6 through the first two rounds. Soon enough, this will all be but a distant memory, and we can get back to fun Nike-Tiger ads.

And then there were four...

2010-04-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

The Final Four is finally upon us, and the collective population can be divided into two groups. The first group consists of people who still have some vested interest in the tournament (i.e. their bracket) and are rooting like crazy for a random team they have no business cheering for otherwise. The second group consists of people who could really care less who wins (i.e. their brackets are busted) but if they have a soul, they'll be rooting for Butler.

As for me, I've already won one bracket wager but have one remaining that is very much relying on the outcome of this weekend. So this puts me somewhere in the middle of these two groups. On the one hand, I need specific teams to win and lose in order for me to win the bracket pool, but on the other hand, I really, really want to see Butler win the whole thing. (By the way, I'm not going to tell you exactly what I need to have happen because I'm pretty afraid of jinxing myself. I know, it sounds lame and it's stupid, but screw you -- I'm not going to do it. You'll see an example of why later.)

But let's forget about the Final Four for now. There will be plenty of time later to struggle with my moral dilemma of which team to cheer for. Looking back at this year's tournament, I think everyone can say confidently that this is exactly why March Madness is the most entertaining sporting event ever. Closely contested games? Check. A good number of upsets? Check. Small schools suddenly rising to national prominence? Check. CBS still struggling to effectively cover all the games going on at once? Check.

Here's a quick recap of the tournament to this point...

Most entertaining game: Syracuse-Butler
Lots to choose from, but I give the nod here largely because of the text message exchange I had with my brother during this game (slightly edited for content).

(After Syracuse is down 13-3 early in the first half)
My brother: Syracuse is effing up really badly.

Me: Yeah, they need to relax. Get it together.

My brother: Butler isn't even playing that well. Syracuse just needs to take care of the ball a little bit.

Me: Yeah, I think they'll calm it down and stop turning it over so much.

My brother: Yeah. If they can end the half down by 7, they'll pull through.
(Syracuse goes into halftime down 10)

My brother: Also, Butler's coach looks like he's 25.
(This was funny because I had just said the exact same thing to someone else maybe an hour earlier.)

Syracuse starts the second half on fire and comes back to take a one-point lead with about 13 minutes left.

My brother: Game over.
(Oh no... Please, no...)

Me: Don't jinx it!

With 5:24 left and Syracuse up four, they then decide to not score again until there's 35 SECONDS LEFT IN THE GAME. It's the jinx!!!!

My brother: Wow. Wow. Syracuse is terrible.

(The game is just about over now. Syracuse ends the game with a terrible possession that a high school JV team could have run better.)

Me: Wow what the hell was that...

My brother: I don't know. That fatass Jackson has bricks for hands.

Anyway, you get the picture. It was a wildly entertaining game, mixed with some high emotions and an ultimate jinx from my brother. See? You don't mess around with a jinx, man!

Biggest upset - Northern Iowa over Kansas
There really isn't any other choice here. Top overall seed knocked off by a strong collection of ULWGs (Unathletic-Looking White Guys)? A ridiculously clutch three that went against all basketball logic to seal the game? No brainer. It was like a reverse version of that movie Glory Road, which told the story of the first all-black starting lineup in NCAA history and their eventual national championship. In fact, when a team of all ULWGs wins a national title, Hollywood needs to jump on that bandwagon immediately.

Biggest upset followed by biggest reality check: St. Mary's
The Gaels shocked Villanova, Omar Samhan became an overnight celebrity, and the city of Moraga was rocking until 10pm! But then came Baylor who provided a swift and thorough beatdown. This was the headline in the New York Times recap: "Baylor Celebrates Win, then Plays Another Half."

Speaking of St. Mary's...

Guy you most want on your team, but you really hate if he's not on your team: Omar Samhan.
Is the guy good? Absolutely. Is he a douche? Absolutely. He has that swagger that makes him a guy you'd love to play with, but you'd probably want to punch him in the face otherwise.

Random player who I want to see succeed at the next level: Scottie Reynolds
I recently read an article on Scottie Reynolds in Sports Illustrated and it just showed he's a really good kid who works hard, has a level-head, and strong morals. (When he was in high school, he once left a championship game in the fourth quarter because that night was his Bible study night.) And let's not forget, the dude can play some basketball. He also has one of those names that you have to say both first and last names or else it doesn't sound as cool. Just say it. Scottie Reynolds. It's pretty nice, right?

Anyway, let's just end with Final Four predictions. Honestly, any of these teams could win the tournament. Forget the number seed they are. None of that matters anymore. Now, I know that Duke has been prone to coming up short in recent years, but Kyle Singler, Jon Scheyer, and Nolan Smith are a solid tandem. Yes, the Blue Devils have had a bit of an easier road, but I'm going to go ahead and pick the Dukies.

But remember, if you're not rooting for Butler, you have no soul.

Definitely Not the End of Speidi

2010-04-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Bad news, everyone: Heidi Montag has decided to let her psychic/manager go. While I really would have liked to have seen where this psychic/manager was going to lead Heidi in her career, I guess we should probably just applaud Heidi for coming to her senses and realizing that hiring a psychic for ANYTHING is beyond stupid. Even for Heidi.

But I do have GOOD NEWS regarding our favorite couple. (By the way, I feel the need to preface the news with the reminder that it is absolutely true. I'm not making this up. And it's probably never a good thing when someone's telling a story about you and they have to give that disclaimer beforehand.) Anyway, perhaps still in search of that spiritual connection, Spencer and Heidi have decided to give themselves Native American names. Spencer will be known as Running Bear and Heidi will be known as White Wolf. Remember, I'm not making this up.

This is what Spencer, er, Running Bear said about the name change, ""[We] are getting more in-tune with our spirituality ... and will be known as the name our creator has given us—our true native-AMERICAN names."

Again, this is not made up!!

By now you have many questions, I'm sure. Are they Native American in any way, shape, or form? Did they consult any Native American tribes about doing this? Could they have possibly chosen more stereotypical Native American names? The answers: no, no, and probably no. Normally I'd give some kind of humorous analysis but in this case, I think that the story itself is more than enough. And these are the kinds of things I like: when the work has already been done for me.

But remember in my last posting about Speidi, I wrote that everyone needs to hope that they manage to stay together for a long time for the sake of the world's collective entertainment? This, my friends, is exactly why.

Get Mad Redux

2010-03-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

If you read my previous post, I made two predictions for this year's NCAA tournament. Let's revisit them.

1. Kansas is head and shoulders above everyone else and will win the whole thing.

Yeah, okay, this turned out to be horribly wrong. But you know what? I know you got it wrong too, so let's just move on...

2. Only a couple high-seeded teams would make it out of the first weekend.

This turned out to be pretty wrong too. Washington? Where the hell was this during the Pac-10 season? Cornell? They EASILY swatted their first two opponents (but we'll see how they fare against Kentucky). St. Mary's? I seriously think that they have a legit chance to beat Baylor and get to the round of eight. Omar Sanham is a bit of a douche, but the guy can play some ball.

But perhaps the most shocking of these is Northern Iowa. Did you see this team? I'm not sure I've ever seen a better collection of unathletic looking white guys in my entire life. And it's not like they had some miracle comeback or kept going back and forth with Kansas. They led nearly the entire game! Ridiculous.

Anyway, now that the Jayhawks are out, I need a new team to jinx-- I mean, pick for the championship. Kentucky, you're up.

On a completely unrelated note... is it bad that I want to see this?

Who's coming with me....

Get Mad

2010-03-18T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's here. The most entertaining sports event of the year. The NCAA tournament. There's no other game, playoff, or championship that even matches the three weekends of March Madness. The biggest reason why? Those freaking brackets you fill out and labor over every year. Teams that you would have never heard of otherwise (Murray State? Siena?) are suddenly relevant. And because you want so badly to maintain your bracket's integrity, you find yourself getting wayyy too into these games.

One thing I hear people say is that sometimes when they watch close games between an underdog and a power, they start rooting for the dog even if it means that their bracket will collapse. Okay, that's the biggest load of BS ever. You want to have the best bracket of all your friends. You want to be able to wave it in their faces. You want to be able to show off just how much you "know" about college basketball. For example, remember George Mason's magical run a few years ago? Sure, I was amazed just like everyone else. But damn, I was rooting so hard against them in some of those later rounds because I was dangerously close to having zero teams in the Final Four (which, unfortunately, ended up happening). Anyway, the point is that first and foremost, you want to have the best bracket. There's always time later to reminisce about those magical runs.

One more thing. I know a lot of people have money at stake for a lot of their pools or some other kind of wager. But I play for pride. Does that sound noble? Sure. Does it sound kind of douchey? Yeah, probably. But it's the truth. I like to think I know a fair amount about sports and the tournament presents an opportunity to show that off. At the same time, however, the tournament is also a prime opportunity to be humbled as it can reveal just how little you actually know...

Here's my one piece of advice to you when you fill out your brackets: just be correct at the end. Let me explain. You can go crazy early, pick some random upsets in the first few rounds, but your bracket needs to look pretty good from the Elite Eight on because that's where you score the big points. Example: last year I picked the opening two rounds pretty accurately, something like 43 of the first 48 games. Feeling pretty good, right? But my bracket fell apart late, I only picked one Final Four team, and I didn't pick the national champion. I ended up finishing fourth or so. So just remember: get it right at the end.

With that, let's look at this year's tourney. Kansas is the consensus favorite, and with good reason. They've got size, speed, good coaching, and experience. They also have one of the keys to a good college basketball team: a white guy who dominates now, but will probably be warming the bench in the NBA (Cole Aldrich). Bonus points for having a white guy on the team with a cool name (Brady Morningstar). However, they've been put in the toughest bracket, which makes zero sense since they're supposedly the top seed overall. If they get past Michigan State in the Sweet 16, I like them to get to the Final Four and win the tournament.

The one-seed with the easiest bracket? Duke. Of course it is Duke, so they'll probably find someway to choke. Kentucky looks pretty good too with John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins. They are freshmen, though, so who knows how they'll hang when crunch time comes. Also, John Wall might be distracted by the prospect of being drafted by the Nets and trying to figure some way out of it.

As for Cinderellas... I just don't see any high-number seed getting very far. I'm sure there will be a couple who get out of the first weekend, but that's probably about it. Look for the big boys to be there at the end.

But the best thing about this year's tournament? Games streamed live online. Can you say ultimate work distraction? Yes, yes I can.

Here's my Final Four.

Kansas, Kansas State, West Virginia, Duke - with Kansas your national champion.

Rock chalk, Jayhawk.

The End of Speidi?

2010-03-12T08:38:00.000-08:00

I think everyone pretty much saw problems between Spencer and Heidi coming at some point. But in true Spencer and Heidi fashion, it had to be done in some absurd and comical way: reports are that the two might be having some marital issues after Heidi replaced Spencer as her manager with - and this is true - a psychic.

Let's try and be fair to both sides. First to Spencer. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but let's give the guy a little credit. He probably did all he possibly could to try and promote Heidi in her acting/singing/whatever-else-she-thinks-she's-good-at-but-in-reality-
has-zero-talent-in-it career. But when your debut album can't even sell 700 albums in its opening week, I think the problem goes much further than the manager. You have to think that deep down, Spencer knew that Heidi's singing career was on the fast track to nowhere and yet he loyally stuck by her. For that, I have some sympathy for him. But he's still a huge douche.

As for Heidi, let's just try and understand what she's going through: no one in the world likes her; she can't sing; her self-esteem is so low that she had plastic surgery done to nearly all of her body parts; oh, and her husband is a douche. So it only makes sense that she would turn to the one person who truly understands her: her psychic.

But let's not laugh at her! Why wouldn't you want someone on your team who can see your future by asking you leading questions while never really giving you concrete answers and takes your money at the same time? As Heidi wisely points out, "Having an intuitive psychic leading my team gives me an edge no one else has."

If only we could all be as clever as her. Here's to hoping that Speidi can work through their problems and continue to keep all of us entertained for many years to come.

Your March Madness Warm-up

2010-03-11T00:33:00.000-08:00

The NCAA tournament is a week away and the NCAA has come up with probably one of the greatest things ever to get you in March Madness mode. Check out vault.ncaa.com. You can replay any game from the sweet sixteen round and upward IN ITS ENTIRETY from the last 10 years of tournaments. Probably the greatest time suck possible. I almost didn't want to leave work last week because I was re-watching the Kansas-Memphis final from 2008....almost.

Anyway, this will definitely get you in the mood for this year's tourney. My personal recommendation: the UCLA-Gonzaga game from 2006. It doesn't get much better than watching Adam Morrison cry on the court before the game was even over. Well done, NCAA. Now if only they could do something about that damn BCS...

USA! USA! USA!

2010-03-05T09:56:00.001-08:00

This is from The New York Times recapping last night's Rangers-Penguins game. Am I the only person who thinks the USA chants thing is hilarious?

The post-Vancouver warm fuzzies were banished 4 minutes 10 seconds into the Rangers’ first home game since the Winter Olympics, after Lundqvist came out of his crease to yell at Sidney Crosby. He was scolding Crosby for embellishing a fall after Rangers defenseman Marc Staal cross-checked Crosby in the ribs.

“I just thought it was a bad call, and I thought that he played it,” Lundqvist said, referring to Crosby, who scored the gold-medal-winning overtime goal for Canada against the United States on Sunday. “I told the ref he’s a great player and should be protected, but he shouldn’t use it either.”

Crosby shoved Lundqvist away, which prompted Brandon Dubinsky to skate over and start pummeling Crosby while the Garden crowd chanted “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” along with something more vulgar involving Crosby’s name.

USA chants to taunt Sidney Crosby. I love it. You also have to admire the way The New York Times always manages to write so professionally: "...along with something more vulgar involving Crosby's name." Great stuff.

And if it's Friday, that can only mean it's time for another Daily Show clip. It's 10 minutes long, but it only gets better as it goes on. Wait for the loan shark. Trust me.

And here it is, your moment of zen.

The Most Agonizing Olympics Video Ever

2010-02-24T15:00:00.000-08:00

In case you missed it, there was a painful ending to the 10,000 meters event in speed skating. The complete story is here (video here), but basically with eight laps to go, Sven Kramer of the Netherlands failed to make a lane change resulting in him being automatically disqualified. Even worse was the fact that he didn't realize the mistake until after he had finished the race. Even worse was the fact that he finished with the gold medal time, four seconds faster than the next racer. Even worse was the fact that it would have been his second gold medal of the Games. And even worse was the fact that it was actually his coach's fault, who incorrectly instructed him to change lanes.

My immediate reaction to the coach was, "Wow. What an idiot." And let's face it - it was a pretty stupid mistake. But you could see him afterward with his head in his hands feeling pretty terrible about what he had done, and you couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy.

And then I found this video which shows the camera that remained on the Dutch coach for the entire race. And after I saw this, I almost wanted to cry with him. It's just painful to watch. He realizes the mistake he made and you can see the dread and sickness that slowly overcomes him. It only gets worse as you see him put on his happy face and continue to coach and encourage his skater each time he passes, and then as soon as Kramer skates past, the coach just looks like he's going to throw up.

(It actually reminded me of a scene from Friday Night Lights after the team's star running back Boobie Miles suffers a serious knee injury. After the game in the locker room, the team is sitting around worried, waiting to hear about Boobie's status. The coach (Billy Bob Thornton) talks to the doctor who basically tells him that Boobie's knee is really messed up. Billy Bob is sick to his stomach, but eventually walks out with a smile and tells the team that Boobie's going to be all right and that they should celebrate their victory. As soon as he walks out of the locker room, though, the sick face is back.)

Anyway, as dumb a mistake as it was to make, this guy has my sympathy, especially after watching the video of him. Someone get this man a drink. And a hug.

Midway Olympics Update

2010-02-22T13:00:00.000-08:00

Over halfway though the Olympics. Let's recap the Games thus far...

Biggest surprise: Bode Miller. It only took him two Olympics, but he's finally getting things right. Who would have thought that you could perform better in an athletic competition when you're not staying out late and getting drunk the night before you compete? Quite the revelation.

Least surprising: Apolo Ohno is still public enemy number one in Korea. In case you were wondering, the list of the most hated people in South Korea goes something like this:

1. Apolo Ohno
2. Apolo Ohno
3. Kim Jong-Il

Speaking of which...

Most overplayed story: Apolo Ohno becoming the most decorated American Winter Olympian ever. Okay, yes, he's won seven medals. An impressive feat. But only two are gold. And none of those golds have come in Vancouver (so far). Bonnie Blair won five gold medals and one bronze. I find that more impressive. I don't know... am I the only person who thinks this is a semi-accomplishment?

Second most overplayed story: Lindsey Vonn's shin. Okay, we get it. Lindsey Vonn hurt her shin. And it's badly bruised. And it hurts to ski on. And she has to limp when she walks. And she's using cheese to try and heal it. And she's incredibly heroic to even try and compete. And all this makes her winning a gold medal that much greater. And just in case you missed any of that, NBC will remind you of it at least 17 more times by the end of the day.

Biggest fail: Lindsey Jacobellis. After her hotdogging at the 2006 Olympics cost her a gold medal in the snowboard cross, she didn't even get out of the semifinal round this time, thus dashing her hopes for redemption. You can't get me to feel sorry for her. If you're going to be an idiot, be prepared to feel the effects of your idiocy for a long time.

Biggest WTF moment: The Russian ice dancing couple that dressed up like Aboriginal tribespeople and did a routine to "traditional" Aboriginal music. Seriously? These have to be the most ridiculous costumes I've ever seen since... well, okay, probably since the men's figure skating competition. The couple claims that they did their research on the Internet, so everything is accurate. Because, as we all know, the Internet would never, ever be wrong. I'm not sure what's more mind-boggling: that this routine was allowed to continue in spite of its blatant racism, or the fact that people still think that ice dancing is a sport.

(Yes, they are rubbing noses. No word on whether they think that's part of Aboriginal culture as well.)

Biggest douche: Tie. First, there's Lee Jung-Su, the Korean speed skater who won the 1,500 meters after his two teammates crashed out on the final turn, allowing Apolo Ohno to win the silver. This is what he said postrace:

“Ohno didn’t deserve to stand on the same medal platform as me,” Lee Jung-su told the Yonhap News Agency after he won the 1,500-meter gold. “I was so enraged that it was hard for me to contain myself during the victory ceremony.”

Wow. Calm down, fool. YOU still won the gold. And if your one idiot teammate hadn't gotten greedy and tried to pass your other teammate in the last 15 yards, but instead got tangled up and wiped both of them out of the race completely, Korea could have swept the top three spots while Ohno would be on the outside looking in at fourth. Can you imagine if that had happened? Korea would have probably declared a national holiday. But instead, Apolo Ohno continues to be hated for largely not doing anything wrong. Anyway, I think the main point in all this is that no one will be happier about Apolo Ohno finally retiring than the Korean speed skating team.

Our second douche is Yevgeny Plushenko, the Russian male figure skater who came in second to Evan Lysacek. Here's his fun little quote:

"I was positive that I won," Plushenko said. "But I saw that Evan needs a medal more than I do. Maybe because I already have one."

Nice, dude. He followed that up with this:

"I said I would be happy with second, third or even fifth place after not skating for three and a half years before this," he said. "So this is not bad, not bad at all."

Uh, are you sure about that?

Best thing to look forward to in the last half of the games: Tie. First, there's women's figure skating which, somehow, always becomes one of the most interesting events to watch. It's also funny how when you watch it on TV, you and your friends suddenly turn into expert figure skating analysts. "Ooh, that spin wasn't tight enough." Or, "Did you see that slip on that landing? That's going to be huge."

Second: men's hockey. After the US upset Canada, hockey has suddenly gotten much more interesting. Canada now has to play an extra game to get into the medal tournament. Now, the extra game itself isn't really that huge because they're playing Germany who they should be able to handle. But it will likely set up a quarterfinal matchup with the Russians, who many people saw as a potential gold medal team as well. So one of these two teams will be going home without a medal. And it'll be even more of a shock if Canada leaves empty-handed considering they play every single one of their games in front of a home crowd.

By the way, in case you didn't know, there are two requirements to being a Canadian: first, you have to play hockey. Second, you have to be born in Canada. That's it. And in that order.

Anyway, let's all enjoy the last of the Games. Only one more week of staying up too late to watch sports that you would never watch otherwise.

Comic Relief for your Friday

2010-02-12T14:12:00.001-08:00

Some of you have been pestering me... I mean... asking me about writing another post. Unfortunately, it's been a busy week for me and when that happens, The Punch is the first to feel the effects. Kind of like higher education, when California needs to come up with a solution to its budget deficit.

Anyway, the week is finally winding down. Hallelujah. As I was trying to find distractions to actual work, I came upon this clip from The Daily Show and figured it needed to be shared with everyone. I haven't seen the show in a while and all I can say is that I've forgotten how hilarious it is. Enjoy. Happy weekend, everyone.

UPDATE: Okay, here's one more for you. High five, John Oliver. The kids are hilarious.

Review: The Hurt Locker

2010-02-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make to you, the fine readers of this blog: I've led you all astray. Let me tell you how. In my review-of-2009 posting, I wrote that Avatar was the best movie of the year. The visual effects, the action, the weird dragon things; it all seemed so amazing. However, I stand greatly corrected. Avatar is not the best movie of 2009; The Hurt Locker is the best movie of 2009. Now before Avatar fans start showing up at my door with pitchforks and torches (and probably in blue body paint), let me explain.

The Hurt Locker is probably one of the most tense and suspenseful movies I've ever watched. The movie follows an army company in Iraq whose duty it is to disarm explosive devices. It sounds like a simple enough premise, but as you watch the process that goes into the disarmament of these explosives, you become more and more nervous. It's not so much because bad things are necessarily happening (a bomb exploding), but it's because you know that the potential of something terrible happening is ridiculously high (waiting for a bomb to possibly explode).

The viewer also gets a look into the minds of these men. There are no cheesy speeches or over-the-top touching moments. It's just soldiers being honest about the dangers of what they do and the reality of possibly dying at any moment on any given day. It's also not Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp who's leading this movie. It's three relative unknown actors, all average looking guys you would walk past in the supermarket and not think about twice. In other words, they could be your average soldier fighting in Iraq who you never think about twice. There are no heroes in this movie. There are no eye-popping action sequences. Just the human psyche at its best on full display and the incredible power of not knowing how any situation will turn out.

There's no political message in this movie (unlike Avatar), there's fantastic character development (unlike Avatar), and the plot is never certain until the final credits roll (unlike Avatar). This is not to say that Avatar was a bad movie because it was an absolutely incredible feat of movie-making and was wildly entertaining. But after seeing something like The Hurt Locker, I'm much more blown away by its ability to keep you on the edge of your seat through smart dialogue, tension-filled scenes, strong acting, and unpredictability, rather than just blowing stuff up like crazy in Avatar.

Oh yeah, the budget for Avatar: $237 million. The budget for The Hurt Locker: $11 million. It's like Biggie said, "Mo' money, mo' problems."

As people start to put these two movies in the Oscar discussion, it will be intriguing to see where Hollywood stands. Interestingly, and you may have heard this already, Kathryn Bigelow, the director of The Hurt Locker, is the ex-wife of James Cameron. If she beats her ex in either the Best Director or Best Picture category, chalk one up for Miss Independent.

And speaking of the Oscars, I had always been under the impression that I never really watched the movies that were typically up for best movie honors at those award shows. This might have something to do with my movie tastes being a little bit, shall we say, different (i.e. one of my favorite movies ever is Mission: Impossible III). But after doing some research, it turns out that I actually watch a lot of the so-called best movies. And chances are, my friends, that you have too. These are the movies selected Best Movie of the Year at the Academy Awards in the last ten years:

1999: American Beauty

2000: Gladiator

2001: A Beautiful Mind

2002: Chicago

2003: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

2004: Million Dollar Baby

2005: Crash
(This movie, by the way, is in my top-10 most overrated movies of all-time. It basically taught us that racism is still alive in America. We needed a movie to tell us that? Please. The real reason it won was because old white people thought that by selecting Crash, it would make them appear progressive and they could give themselves a pat on the back. Watch it again. It's extremely mediocre. Also, let's not forget that Crash had Ludacris in it; the same guy who rapped about having hos in different area codes.)

2006: The Departed

2007: No Country for Old Men

2008: Slumdog Millionaire

I've seen eight of them. The two I haven't seen are Chicago (probably won't ever watch it) and No Country for Old Men (in the Netflix queue).

So what does this mean exactly? The initial reaction is that my movie tastes have become more mature with time. I highly doubt this, though, because I consider Will Ferrell to be an American icon. It's also my opinion that one of the best movies of 2009 was The Hangover.

Let's just say that my movie sense is... developing. Yeah, developing. That's it. That sounds good. Let's go with that. Developing.

But we're getting off track. So here's what I want you to do: put down your torch and pitchfork, go watch The Hurt Locker, compare it to Avatar, and come back and tell me how right I am. Thanks.

Best Radio Call Ever

2010-01-27T14:00:00.000-08:00

This was the radio call by Paul Allen, the voice of the Minnesota Vikings, after Brett Favre's interception at the end of regulation in the NFC Championship Game. It's simply epic. And hilarious. You can hear the anger slowly build and then suddenly explode. Just wait for it. There's nothing else to really say... you just have to listen and enjoy.

THIS IS NOT DETROIT, MAN! THIS IS THE SUPER BOWL!!!

On a separate note, how many other people thought last week's episode of The Office was the lamest ever. A clip show?? Come on. I thought The Office was better than that. In fact, if you look on the Hulu website, the tags for that episode are: clip show, boring, lame, lazy, Steve Carell. Pretty much sums it up. It's okay, though. I'm willing to give The Office a pass on that episode. Let's just not let it happen again. I mean, come on...

THIS IS NOT A LAME SITCOM, MAN! THIS IS THE OFFICE!!!

Playoffs?!

2010-01-22T13:00:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I've cared about the NFL playoffs mainly because my team (the 49ers) hasn't made the postseason in quite some time. That's not to say I haven't followed or enjoyed the games from the past years (the New York Giants and the 18-1 New England Patriots made for probably one of the best Super Bowls I've ever seen). But for the most part, I've had close to zero vested interest in the NFL after December.

Nonetheless, I will do my due diligence as a football fan and watch this weekend's championship games. Here's my personal, indepth analysis of the matchups and sure-to-be-wrong picks.

AFC Championship

Okay, on the one side you have the Indy Colts who seem to be the favorite of the four remaining teams. And why not? They're quick on defense, force turnovers, manage the game at their own pace, and, oh yeah, that Peyton Manning guy is pretty good.

On the other side, you have the obligatory "team that's hot at the right time" in the New York Jets and you can never underestimate the power of this distinction (i.e. last year's Cardinals). It's not that they do any one thing amazingly well; things just seem to come together when they need to for the Jets.

All that said, the Jets got bailed out last week largely thanks to Nate Kaeding. The Sanchize was good, but not overwhelming (100 yards passing, 1 TD), and while Shonn Greene had 128 yards rushing, 53 came on one play. And here's the biggest thing that should worry Jets fans: Philip "I'm a Douche Bag" Rivers passed for 298 yards which would have been more had it not been for those dumb back-to-back interceptions. So basically, New York, watch out for Peyton.

By the way, I always enjoy watching the Chargers lose. I don't hate the team or anything, but I think I'm just tired of hearing Chargers fans talk big when they have more or less nothing to show for it. Five playoff trips since 2004, including three with a three-seed or higher, and zero Super Bowl appearances. So, yeah, let's just slow the Charger bandwagon down.

Anyway, Colts 24, Jets 13

NFC Championship

An intriguing game, to say the least. We all know what the Saints are about: score, score, and score some more. After three pretty embarrassing losses to end the season, Drew Brees decided to play like Drew Brees and lit the Cards up for 247 and 3 TDs. As a bonus for Saints fans, there was also a Reggie Bush sighting last week too. And not a Reggie Bush as Mr. Kim Kardashian sighting, but a Reggie Bush as a decent football player sighting. Incredible.

Let's move on to Minnesota. The Vikings are good, no doubt about it. And, as much as I hate to admit it, Old Man Favre is the biggest reason why. The guy has been playing out of his mind and I'm pretty sure he's set the record for "most consecutive fist pumps after a touchdown." We just need to see him come through on the road. In their own dome, Favre and the Vikes dominate. But in someone else's dome, especially the Superdome where it gets louder than a late night fight between Whitney and Bobby? We don't know yet. Still, Favre will have to keep Who Dat out of his mental dome in order to be successful. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself. But that's the last time I'll use the word "dome" for the rest of this entry.)

By the way, if there's one thing I enjoy more than a Chargers loss, it's a beatdown of the Dallas Cowboys. This was made even better by the Vikings running up the score at the end of the game, and then the Cowboys getting butt hurt about it.

(And since I didn't write anything about last week's playoffs, the only thing better than a Chargers loss or a Cowboys beatdown is a massacre of the Patriots. This game started at 10 am on the west coast so by the time I woke up and turned the TV on, the Ravens were already up 21-0. This game was made even better by the shots of a completely empty Gillette Stadium in the fourth quarter. Seriously, you could have counted the number of people still watching the game. It was awesome.)

Anyway, I'm taking N'awlins.

Saints 34, Vikings 24

In a non-NFL related thought, how in the hell is Allen Iverson starting in the All-Star game? Look, when Tracy McGrady was nearly voted in as a starter, at least it made some sense. With Yao Ming injured, Chinese people basically decided to start voting for his most high-profile teammate. Personally, I think it would have been hilarious to see him get voted in. Part of me actually thinks it happened, but the NBA put all their computers on auto-vote the last 48 hours to get Steve Nash in ahead of T-Mac.

But A.I.? Really? Who's voting for him? For sure not Nuggets fans, or Pistons fans, or Grizzlies fans. Plus, I was under the impression that NBA fan s in general were over this guy. He's over the hill and his career is in obvious decline. Plus, he's a team cancer (Exhibit A: refusing to come off the bench). Wherever he goes, his teams always stall (Exhibit B: Denver and Detroit). Look, I like Allen Iverson. I really do. His attitude isn't always the greatest (Exhibit C: the infamous rant about practice), but he plays hard and he has a passion for the game.

In the end, though, it doesn't even matter because no one is going to remember the All-Star Game by February 15th. (FYI, the game is on the 14th). Yes, it's probably the most entertaining to watch of all the All-Star games, but it's just a huge exhibition game with the NBA guys goofing around like the Globetrotters.

Speaking of All-Star games, let's close with my All-Star game power rankings for the four major sports.

1. NBA All-Star Game (The end of these games always seemingly turn into an impromptu slam dunk contest with both teams agreeing to stop playing defense and instead just throw alley-oops every possession.)

2. NHL All-Star Game (My hockey knowledge is limited at best, but the skills competition is actually a lot of fun to watch.)

3. MLB All-Star Game (I still can't believe they decide homefield advantage in the World Series based on the outcome of this game. Absolutely ridiculous.)

4256. NFL Pro Bowl (Guys not caring + guys not wanting to hurt each other = probably the worst football game you could ever watch.)

Someone Stop Pat Robertson

2010-01-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

You want to know why so many people in this world are wary of Christians? It's because of people like Pat Robertson. If you don't know who he is, he's essentially a televangelist with deep pockets, a huge ego, and a penchant for making outrageous claims. And when I say outrageous, I mean REALLY outrageous. (My personal favorite is his hilarious leg press claim.)

Anyway, Patty Boy has been up to his old tricks again and recently had an interesting response to the devastating earthquakes in Haiti. Robertson claims that Haiti's founders had sworn a "pact to the Devil" in order to liberate themselves from the French slave owners. As a result, the earthquake is the consequence of the Haitian people being "cursed" for doing so. Basically, Haiti brought this death and destruction on themselves and they are to be blamed for it.

Here's a video clip of his asinine comments. What I find almost as ridiculous as Robertson's actual comments is his female co-host who is nodding in serious agreement with him. Yes, people actually believe the lunacy that comes out of his mouth. By the way, notice at the beginning of the clip when Pat says that the quake might have been "a blessing in disguise," the guy he's interviewing is clearly bewildered by the statement and is trying so hard not to say, "UH WTFREAKING... ARE YOU SERIOUS, FOOL?!?!"

The bottom line is that this guy is out of his freaking mind and he is a disgrace to genuine Christians everywhere. A Christian life starts first with humility, but Pat Robertson is nothing but a sleazy self-promoter.

He currently claims to be setting up a relief fund for Haiti, but why would anyone in their right mind let this guy even sniff their money. It's not like he's misused money in the past or anything. I think I'd trust Pat Robertson to do the right thing with money about as much as I'd trust NBC to do the right thing with a late night TV show.

If you want to actually do something simple and real, text the Red Cross at 90999 with the word "Haiti." Ten dollars will be donated to help relief efforts and the charge will show up on your cell phone bill. Over $10 million has already been raised through texts alone. Of course, in this world of Facebook and Twitter, you probably already knew all about this. So that means you've donated, right?

Oh, and there's one more thing you can do, something that eludes Pat Robertson's pea-sized brain: you can pray for the people of Haiti with a loving heart.

Fail, NBC

2010-01-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

You would think that being a TV network executive would require a certain amount of intelligence. Well, maybe not at NBC. In fact, it would seem that at NBC, your job relies heavily on making stupid decisions rather than smart ones. Exhibit A: the Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien fiasco.

What NBC should have realized before they tried to get cute with their late night lineup was this: by moving Leno to 10, having Conan at 11:35, then Jimmy Fallon at 12:35, NBC is essentially putting on the exact same show format for three hours. Think about it: how many people are really going to sit through Leno at 10, then watch their local news for a half hour, then watch the entire Conan show at 11:35, then stick around for another hour of Fallon? That doesn't sound like smart TV scheduling to me. But, hey, what do I know, right? I'm just a TV viewer, not a wise executive.

I've been a huge fan of Conan for years and it's tough to see someone who so genuinely loves what he does be pushed out for not really doing anything wrong. On the other side, while I'm not really a big Leno guy (I just don't get why people think he's funny), I don't really blame him for this, either. He was essentially forced out by NBC last year, then when he thought about going to another network, NBC freaked out because it brought back bad memories of when David Letterman left for CBS, so they gave Leno a new show which was essentially his old show but at 10 p.m. instead. But now, ironically, in their attempts to keep Leno from defecting, it now looks like Conan is the one heading to another network. Well played, NBC. Well played.

Anyway, we'll all have to just wait and see how this whole thing plays out. And in case you haven't yet read it, here's Conan's statement on why he intends to leave NBC.

I'm with Coco.

Peace out, 2009

2010-01-06T12:50:00.000-08:00

Another year has come and gone, and 2010 is upon us. But even though we're moving on to bigger and better things, we'll always have the memories, 2009. Come, reminisce with me, won't you?

Best Marriage of the Year: Jim and Pam on The Office. Not even close.

Weirdest Marriage of the Year: Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian. Not even close. (Lamar, be honest. The real reason you married her was because you were tired of Kobe getting all the attention, right?)

Most Rapid Breakdown of a Marriage: Jon and Kate Gosselin had won this distinction by a landslide throughout most of the year. And then Tiger Woods and Elin Nordgren came on to the scene. It's hard to argue with a wife that chases her husband down the street with a golf club, and then smashes the rear window attempting to "save" him, but we can't forget that Jon and Kate's decline was pretty epic as well. Let's just call it a tie.

Take your pick. This:

Or this:

Catchiest Song of the Year: Anything by Lady Gaga. I'm not a fan of Lady Gaga, but every single song she writes is absurdly catchy. Whenever she comes on the radio, I just leave the dial and let the song play out. And I'm pretty sure I know all the lyrics. And I know you do too.

Ultimate Get Out of Jail Free Card Moment: Michael Jackson's death. When MJ died, you would have thought that this guy had been the man that cured cancer or brought peace to the entire world. The entire universe was put on hold for the next month so everyone could honor him and talk about how much they loved him. But there was one thing that everyone forgot: this guy was out of his freaking mind! He had sleepovers with little kids!!! And not the kind of sleepover where everyone gets their own sleeping bag... they slept in the same bed!!!! And he admitted it!!!!! And he thought there was NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!!!!!!!! But even knowing all of that, everyone pretty much collectively decided to let Mike off the hook after his death. Was his death sad? Of course. His life was cut short and that's always a tragedy. But come on.... the dude molested little kids. Let's not throw him a parade. (Oh, wait, we already did.)

Guilty Pleasure of the Year: "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. Okay, it's time to come clean. I really like this song. A lot. I know there are others who are just like me out there. It's okay. This is a safe place. There's no judgment. It's just a place where we can all sing the lyrics out loud together.

You belong with meeeeee....

Speaking of Taylor Swift...

Kanye West's Annual Douche Bag Moment of the Year: "Yo, Taylor! I'm really happy for you and I'mma let you finish! But Beyonce had one of the greatest videos of all-time!"

Best movies: 4. Star Trek 3. Up 2. The Hangover 1. Avatar

I finally saw Avatar the other day after weeks of hype from just about everyone in the world and it absolutely lived up to it. In case you haven't seen it yet, make sure to watch it in 3D. Without 3D, it's probably just a really fun movie. With 3D, I'm not sure there's a more visually stunning film. All that said, Avatar is far from the best movie I've ever seen. The story and plot are a bit one-dimensional and things become fairly predictable. But give James Cameron credit-- he has possibly created the most epic film ever.

As a side note, you may wonder why other critically acclaimed movies such as Up in the Air aren't on this list. It's real simple, my friends: I haven't seen them. The movies on this list are the ones I was really looking forward to seeing and, most importantly, these are the movies that made the $10.75 (or whatever absurd price they're charging these days for movies) worth it.

One more side note: make sure you watch The Hangover. Hilarious.

Biggest (and Best) Distraction Among Young Men: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Pure awesomeness.

Best Sports Moment: Usain Bolt's two world records at the World Championships. Yep, that's right. It's from track and field. Now let's be real here for a minute. How many of us even knew the track and field world championships existed? Unless you actually competed in it, probably none of us... until Usain Bolt destroyed the 100 AND the 200 field with record times. The dude is a freak of nature.

Worst Sports Moment: The Lakers winning the NBA championship. The fact that they won isn't really the worst part. The worst part was that everyone knew it was going to happen. Yeah, they had a couple of questionable games in some of their playoff rounds, but we always knew they'd get to the Finals. And then when the Magic knocked off the Cleveland LeBrons in the Eastern Conference Finals, the Lakers essentially locked another trophy up before even playing Orlando. You just knew how it was going to end.

It was like watching The Empire Strikes Back for the second time. You've already seen it, you know how it ends, and you know that the bad guys pretty much had a field day in this movie. The Empire whooped the rebels' asses in the snow battle with those freaking snow walker things, Darth Vader screws up Luke Skywalker physically by cutting off his hand and then screws him up psychologically by telling him he's his father, and, to top it all off, Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite and shipped off to Jabba the Hutt.

Pretty much no bueno all around. That's what it was like being a non-Lakers fan this year.

Best Thing to Look Forward to in 2010: The World Cup. Always wildly entertaining and a ton of fun to watch. FYI, this event is also known as "the rest of the world joining Europe in actually giving a crap about soccer once every four years."

Here's to 2009 and to an even better 2010.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T22:12:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year from the Punch to you and your family. Enjoy the start of 2010 and look out for a review of 2009 coming in the next week. Until then, here's one of my favorite YouTube videos to tide you over. If you're a sports fan, you'll really appreciate it. If not, well, it's still pretty funny.

By the way, my New Year resolution to you is that I will update this more often. Seriously.

On a separate note, I've slowly started to become addicted to Yelp. So if you are on Yelp and would like to be friends, I'm open to new friendships as well. Here's my page: schrutefarms.yelp.com. I know. It's the greatest URL ever.

Welcome to 2010.

Forget Chuck Norris; We've Got Steven Seagal

2009-12-07T12:00:00.000-08:00

If you haven't seen the promos yet, there's a new TV series that's vying for the title of greatest unintentionally funny show ever: Steven Seagal: Lawman. The show centers around, who else, Steven Seagal. But it's not like his movies where he plays the white, ass-kicking cop/law enforcement agent who knows kung-fu, but might also be secretly Native American because he's always wearing Native American clothing. No, this show is different. Steven Seagal doesn't play a cop... he IS a cop. Yes, Lawman is a reality show. Apparently, Seagal has been a Reserve Deputy Sheriff in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana for over 20 years and the show basically follows him around while he's both on and off-duty.

As someone who has seen a Seagal movie or two in my life, I can't tell you how excited I was to watch this show. And not because I thought it would be particularly revealing or entertaining, but because I was excited to see Steven Seagal get a little too into being a real cop. Can't you imagine it? Seagal pulls over some teenage kid for doing 40 in a 35. He slowly walks up to the driver side and asks for his license and registration. The kid hands it over and then realizes it's freaking Steven Seagal!

"You're Steven Seagal!" he says in disbelief.

"That's OFFICER Seagal, you punk. Get out of the car right now."

"What?"

Seagal proceeds to pull the kid out of the car through the window and perform a series of kung-fu kicks and punches on him. As the kid writhes around on the ground, Seagal finishes writing him a ticket and tosses it on him. As he starts walking back to his car, he turns back to the kid dramatically and says, "You have 30 days to pay the fine or appeal the ticket."

And after watching the actual show? I was pretty much right about Seagal getting a little too excited. Okay, so he didn't beat up a teenager, but throughout the show he gets pumped up about almost everything that happens. For example: while on patrol, a high-speed chase ensues. After a short pursuit on the freeway, the suspect is eventually boxed in and subdued by several officers as Seagal's car arrives on scene a little bit late. But as they pull up, he starts shouting, "Where he at?! Where he at?!" He sprints out of the car and, even though there are five cops already pinning the guy down, Seagal jumps in and gets in on the action. Um, thanks for the assist, Steve.

Then there was the part where he helped a fellow officer with his shooting. I was actually impressed because it turns out that Seagal is a really good marksman (he shoots the top off of a q-tip and then a match from 20 feet away). But the best part was his insight on the art of shooting a gun: "Just like zen archery or something, it's a kind of meditation for some people, being able to really concentrate on being masterful with your discipline."

My thoughts exactly.

Like I said, it's quality entertainment.

Anyway, apparently I wasn't the only excited one for Steven Seagal's reality show debut. The premiere of Lawman drew 3.4 million viewers, which is the highest ever for a premiere on A&E. So that's about 3.4 million people more than normally watch A&E shows. Basically, Steven Seagal is to A&E what Jon and Kate were to TLC... except watching one show makes you angry to the point you want to beat someone up, and the other show features Steven Seagal. Anyway, be sure to check it out. I mean, come on, when has Steven Seagal ever disappointed?

Another NBA Season, Another Amazingly Terrible Warriors Team

2009-11-30T16:30:00.000-08:00

The Punch has been out of commission the last few weeks for three main reasons: First, I'm lazy. Second, believe it or not I actually put a lot of thought into what I write, so it takes a lot of time to write some of these posts. And because things outside of my blog realm have been busier of late, I've had less time available to post. And third, I haven't really found anything worth really writing about lately. And then the NBA season started... which meant a new year for the Warriors... which meant a new level of dysfunctionality. (By the way, dysfunctionality isn't actually a word. That's how absurd this team is-- you need to create words to describe them.)

Anyway, I don't need to give you a breakdown of the stuff that's gone down recently. If you follow basketball even remotely, you already have a good idea. At this point, it's just comical how incapable this team is at doing anything right. And that goes beyond just things on the court. If the players and their ineptness to play sound basketball brought the franchise to its knees, then coaching and management provided the knockout blow.

Okay, I changed my mind. It bothers me so much that I have to breakdown what's gone so wrong for this team so far...

There was the whole Stephen Jackson saga. This guy went from being one of my favorite players on the Warriors to public enemy number one pretty much overnight. I seriously felt like I was reliving that whole T.O. fiasco when he was with the Niners years ago. Like T.O., Jack thinks way too highly of himself. He sees himself as a franchise player, someone like a LeBron or Kobe. So when things start going bad, he thinks he can demand anything he wants like a star player normally does. The problem, though, is that he's just... well... Stephen Jackson. At the same time, though, the Warriors have been so bad recently that he's been the team's best player which has given him an ego bigger than Kanye West. Anyway, the Warriors finally traded him for a guy who needs season-ending surgery and another guy whose name sounds more like a hockey player than a basketball player. And somehow, the Warriors can actually feel good about the deal. Yes, it's been that kind of year.

Then there's the injuries. Andris Biedrins has played in a grand total of four games this year, killing the Warriors and my fantasy team at the same time. Ronny Turiaf is hurt. Brandon Wright is hurt. CJ Watson has the freaking swine flu. And (my favorite Warrior) Kelenna Azubuike is done for the season with a knee injury. And we all know it's only a matter of time before Corey Maggette gets hurt. (By the way, I actually had a dream the other night that Kelenna Azubuike was playing again. I'm not sure what it means, but it's probably not a good sign when you start dreaming that slightly above-average players aren't injured anymore.)

And then there's Don Freaking Nelson. I don't get this guy. I really don't. You know this team is going absolutely nowhere. Wouldn't you see that as all the more reason to mix things up, put your young guys in there, get them some experience, and allow them to start meshing together for the future? Apparently, that's not in the Don Nelson coaching handbook. (Neither is defense.) Instead, Nellie likes to play mind games by giving the youngsters big minutes one night, then less than 10 the next. And this is even more confounding when you consider he has two of the best young players in the league in Anthony Randolph and Stephen Curry. They've both shown they have the skills to play in the NBA and yet Nelson seems to refuse to believe it. Look, I appreciate what Nellie has done for this team and the success that he was able to generate. But coaches have been fired for much less than what he's done lately. It's time to leave Don Nelson behind.

So where do the Warriors stand now? Well, after nice wins over Portland and Dallas, the Dubs followed by getting smacked down by over 30 points to the Lakers. Apparently the six man rotation isn't the best way to run a squad. Look, this is still a fun team to watch. They score like nobody's business and they have some really talented players. But when I watch them play, I never feel comfortable. When they're winning, they sort of lull you into believing they have the game in control. Instead, they manage to let the other team go on a massive run and get back into the game. Then the Dubs start jacking up desperation threes every possession, fail to rebound, and wind up getting destroyed down the stretch.

It's like watching a horror movie. The stupid teenagers think they've finally killed the axe murderer. They think they're safe.. but of course he's not dead! He comes back to life (sometimes several times over the course of many sequels) and eventually kills them all.

And you know how you can see the killer coming up from behind the victim and you want to yell at them to run away? I have a similar experience when watching the Warriors...

"No, Corey! We're only down one point! We're still in this game! You don't need to take that three from halfcourt! NO!!!!!"

It makes the days of "WE BELIEVE" seem so long ago....

But look on the bright side, fellow Warriors faithful: at least we're not the Nets.

MLB Playoff Preview

2009-10-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

If it's October, it must mean one thing: the MLB playoffs; aka the only time baseball is actually really fun to watch on TV. I came to one conclusion after watching the first round of the playoffs: each eliminated team could blame one player for their ousting. Here's the rundown:

Colorado Rockies: Huston Street
I've never had that much faith in Huston Street. Maybe it's because he battles stretches of extreme inconsistency where he's either unhittable, or he's so bad that he wouldn't be able to get your grandma out. Unfortunately for the Rockies, the latter was the case during the NLDS.

NLDS stat line: 2.2 IP, 6H, 4ER, 3BB, 2 losses, and 1 blown save.

St. Louis Cardinals: Matt Holliday
Dude, just catch the freaking ball and the game is yours. Just imagine if the Cards had won Game 2. The series goes back to St. Louis tied at one and probably ends up going the full five. Instead, the Dodgers take control and sweep. Think this might have an effect on Matt Holliday's contract offers next year? Yeah.. probably not. Some team will end up overpaying for him and he can bathe himself clean of that dropped flyball with his millions of dollars.

NLDS stat line: Worst time for a dropped flyball ever.

Minnesota Twins: Joe Nathan
One of the best closers in the game, Joe came undone in the ALDS. He was three outs from stealing Game 2 in the Bronx, and then melted down. (It also was probably a bad omen that the two guys he had to face first in that ninth inning were Tex and A-Rod who were lifetime .500 hitters against him.) At least it came during the playoffs and not during the regular season, so your fantasy team was safe.

ALDS stat line: 2 games, 2.0 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 1 HR, 1 blown save

Boston Red Sox: David Ortiz
I know Papelbon was the guy on the mound and allowed the Angels to comeback and eventually eliminate the Sox, but let's face it -- Ortiz pretty much brought down the Red Sox this year. His positive steroid test pretty much confirmed what Red Sox fans had been in denial of for years, and now that he's off the juice he's been exposed for what he really is: an overweight baseball player with mediocre skills. Papi needs a hug.

ALDS stat line: 3 games, 1-for-12, 4 strikeouts, 0 RBI

But like Mark McGwire, I'm not here to talk about the past. My team to beat? The Yankees. They look good. Real good. They're pitching well and coming up with timely hitting. But perhaps the most important thing? They seem loose and it looks like they're actually having fun playing. Also crucial: postseason A-Rod is hitting the ball like regular season A-Rod. If they end up winning the whole thing, Yankee fans need to line up for the next Kate Hudson movie the day after the World Series ends.

Anyway, we're down to four teams, so here's The Punch's Championship Series predictions.

ALCS
Yankees in 6.
MVP: Tex

NLCS:
Phillies in 7.
MVP: The temp aka Ryan Howard.

There's only one October! (Just like there's only one of every other month too....)

The Greatest Episode of The Office Ever

2009-10-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

The title pretty much says it all. Six seasons of The Office have been leading up this episode and it absolutely delivered in every way possible. Sure, the wedding of everyone's favorite TV couple was great and that's the main reason why we tuned in. But the episode as a whole was arguably one of the funniest in recent memory. I'm pretty sure I've watched it five times since it aired on Thursday. I can't get enough. Anyway, I present to you my top-five Office wedding episode moments.

(Also, did anyone else notice that Pam's sister was really hot? Watch it again. Seriously, she's pretty fine.)

5. The entire office puking
Good Lord, this was one of the most random, but also most hilarious opening sequences ever. There's just something about watching a chain reaction puking that's comic gold. Awesome. And how can you not like Creed sitting there eating his noodles while everyone is throwing up around him?

4. Kevin
Kevin has been finding more and more hilarious moments as the show progresses. He came through yet again with his tissue box shoes, the hair piece, and the resting of his feet in the ice machine. So childish, so goofy, so awesome. How can you not love Kevin?

3. Dwight's wolf shirt
Let's be honest: the wolf shirt is the epitome of Dwight Schrute. And how can you argue with it when it helped him to hook up with Pam's friend? AAWOOOOO!!

2. Andy tearing his scrotum
I have to say that Andy is climbing the ladder of my favorite characters on The Office. The way he tries so hard to fit in and be accepted while letting everyone walk all over him, and how nothing ever goes right for him, you can't help but laugh. It just goes to prove that it's always funny as long as it's not happening to you. And a torn scrotum pretty much fits the bill.

Anyway, this event led to one of my favorite exchanges of the entire episode:

Meredith: Crotch injuries are the worst. You don't need to tell me.
Andy: ...I wasn't telling you.
Meredith: Is there still something there?
Andy: Excuse me?
Meredith: They didn't get torn off?
Andy: Nothing got torn off! Who told you that?!
Jim: I may have told some people that. I'm nervous. I'm about to get married.

1. Forever
What else would number one be? The entire episode was building up to this moment and it was awesome. The wedding could have been done super cheesy and sappy, with deep vows between Jim and Pam, and honestly that would have been fine. But it really turned into an Office kind of wedding ceremony. I also loved how the whole thing was edited between the dancing down the aisle and Jim and Pam out at Niagara Falls. It was the perfect mix of humor and sweetness, and when it was all over, you couldn't help but smile just like Michael did at the end. (By the way, I realize some people didn't know the connection to the infamous YouTube video. Watch it and it'll all make sense.)

Also, "Forever" is ridiculously catchy. Yes, I know Chris Brown isn't exactly the model human being, but you can't help but sing along and enjoy the song.

One more bonus moment: I think the sweetest moment of the episode was when Jim comforted Pam, who was distraught after tearing her veil, by promptly grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting his tie in half. You want to know why all girls love Jim Halpert? Exhibit A. I mean, damn, the guy comes through in the clutch so often that part of ME wants to marry him.

Anyway, all in all, The Office wedding was everything we could have asked for and more. See you at the baby's birth.

Ay Papi! - Lessons from Miami

2009-10-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

I recently took a trip to Miami with several friends for a good old fashioned vacation. Here are some things that I learned...

1. Miami may as well be a foreign country
There's a line in the Will Smith song "Miami" that goes something like, "Real sweet faces/ Every different nation/ Spanish, Haitian, Indian, Jamaican/ Black, White, Cuban, and Asian."

That line is pretty accurate... if you take out Indian, Black, White, and Asian. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw less than ten other Asians the entire time I was in Miami. The majority of the white people I saw were Oklahomans down in Miami to watch the football game. As for Indians? I certainly didn't see any House of Curries in South Beach.

Anyway, I really felt like I was in South America or something. Everyone speaks Spanish, has a Spanish accent, and I'd say over half of the signs around the city are written in Spanish. Sorry, Fresh Prince, but diversity is not really the name of the game in Miami.

2. If you're Hispanic/Latino, your radio stations are set to a different dial than everyone else's.
This one night, we went out to a club that a cab driver recommended. "It's in a good area, people like it a lot, I haven't heard anything bad about it, etc." Okay, guy, I'll take your advice. We're a bunch of Asian kids who don't know the area so we appreciate any tips we can get. There was, however, one thing that the driver neglected to mention: the club was about 98.5 percent Latino.
Needless to say, we stood out pretty good there. This point was driven home when the DJ started playing random Reggaeton songs that I had never heard of, but everyone else in the club knew all the words and was singing the lyrics in unison. Oh, and then there was also the time when the DJ asked for the following ethnic groups to make some noise: DOMINCANOS! CUBANOS! MEXICANOS! PUERTO RICANS!

So, yeah, it was a little awkward. I should say that it actually didn't turn out to be that bad once they started playing more mainstream songs. Plus, it was a good lesson in race relations. You know how when you go to a restaurant in Berkeley and there's that huge group of Asians sitting at a table but you also notice that one random white kid who's with them? And you can't help but laugh a little bit? Now I know what it's like to be the white kid.

3. Want to know who's not from around here? Go to the beach.
There's a few things you can count on when you go to a beach in Miami: gorgeous views, incredibly blue water that's actually warm enough to swim in, and Europeans who are wearing either a) a way too tight speedo if they're men, or b) no top and a thong if they're women. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it. Okay, well, I know how I feel about the men in speedos. But the women going topless thing, I have mixed feelings about. How can you complain about beautiful women being half-naked you might ask? Well, sure, there are lots of beautiful, young women who do it. But there are also lots of not-so-beautiful, older women who do it as well. And it's one of those things where you can't help but look... no bueno.

Yeah I don't know, man, the whole thing is just weird. Let's all just keep our clothes on, please.

4. Free checked bags on Southwest? Nah, I'm good.
Southwest Airlines allows you to check not one, but TWO bags for FREE. Once again, that's TWO BAGS FOR FREE. And yet, so many people on my flight decided to CARRY EVERYTHING ON. The problem in doing this is that the carry-on bins get completely filled up, which leads to passengers walking up and down the aisles looking to stuff their bag in any space possible, and when they can't find it, the stewardess then has to check the bags down below the plane anyway, and we end up leaving 20 minutes late. Also, when we de-plane, it takes that much longer to get off because everyone has so many freaking bags in random areas of the plane.

I realize that carrying on bags is a matter of convenience so that you don't need to wait at the baggage claim, but if we end up leaving late and then sit on the plane longer when we land so people can gather their bags, isn't convenience no longer applicable? Am I the only person who thinks this? Anyone? Bueller?

Anyway, Miami was a good time and a place that everyone should check out. But the weather conditions will eventually catch up to you. Seriously, 90-plus degrees with humidity makes it easier to come back home where it's actually comfortable to walk around outside. West side 'til we die.

And finally, on a completely unrelated note, The Office wedding last night was one of the greatest episodes of the show ever. Period. If you haven't already, watch it now. Seriously. Now.

PB and J!

Review: The Blueprint 3

2009-09-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Like any good hip-hop fan, I was highly anticipating the release of Jay-Z's Blueprint 3. Was it going to be his best work? Probably not. But Hova is arguably the greatest rapper out there right now, and I had no doubt that he'd give another solid effort. It's also probably worth mentioning that Jay-Z has something of Brett Favre syndrome going on, aka the inability to retire when he says he's going to retire. Remember, The Black Album was supposed to be his retirement album. That was back in 2003. Six years ago. When I was still in high school. Jay has released three albums since then. So much for getting out of the game. Well, he did also marry Beyonce during that time. Let's be real: you have to respect him for that alone. Okay, Hov, all is forgiven.

Anyway, back to Blueprint 3. Overall, I'd say that it's an excellent album. Not a classic, but it has its moments. The first five tracks are really solid, highlighted by "Run This Town" and "Empire State of Mind." In fact, "Empire State of Mind" is so good that it actually makes me feel like I'm from New York and that I should be reppin' the big city. Let's hear it for New Yooooork!

Anyway, after the opening five songs, Blueprint 3 is exposed as a mortal album. Some of the tracks are pretty good ("Off That" feat. Drake), some of the tracks are not so good ("Venus vs. Mars"), but most of them are so-so. However, the closing song, "Young Forever" feat. Mr Hudson, is one of the best tracks on the entire CD and redeems the relative average-ness of the last stretch of songs on the album.

Actually, I can kind of compare Blueprint 3 to a typical Cal football season: lots of preseason hype, everything starts out really solid, gets you excited and eager for more, stumbles midway through, can't completely recover, turns into an up and down remainder of the season, but manages to finish with a solid bowl win in the last game of the year.

In the end, Blueprint 3 simply reflects who Jay-Z is: a legend, past his prime, but still managing to put out solid work and make people interested in what he does. So yeah, he's basically Brett Favre, just without the constant flip-flopping and Wrangler jeans commercials.

Overall Grade: A-/B+

By the way, here are my top-three Jay-Z albums of all-time. Because I know you care.
1. Reasonable Doubt
2. The Blueprint
3. The Black Album

The Roc is in the building.

Fun With The Internet

2009-09-17T01:20:00.000-07:00

No need for an in-depth explanation here; these are just a bunch of random links to things that I find amusing/funny/cool or some combination of the three. I'd also like to give special thanks to Steve Choi for sending me YouTube links all day while at work. Several of these are courtesy of him. Thanks, Stevie. On to the fun...

1. I heard this song a couple of times recently while I was driving in the car and it brought back memories of middle school: "No, No, No Part 2" by Destiny's Child and Wyclef. This was DC's first single and launched their careers. Actually, check that. It launched Beyonce's career and slowly buried everyone else's.

2. Okay, I know Roger Federer lost the U.S. Open Final, but he still had the shot of the tournament with this between-the-legs winner. Also, I've decided that one of the sporting events that I want to attend sometime in my life is the U.S. Open. Tennis matches are normally polite-applause affairs, but the U.S. Open is sort of the "eff you" to tennis etiquette. It's in New York, the fans go crazy, it pumps the players up, and they're not afraid to show their emotions without reservation. Of course, sometimes they might take it a bit far, but that just gets everyone even more riled up.

3. Everyone knows Kanye was on Leno the other night to apologize for Taylor Swift-gate. But he also performed "Run This Town" with Jay-Z and Rihanna at the end of the show. A well done performance of probably one of the better songs of the year.

It was also nice to see hip-hop artists able to perform their song well, as opposed to Drake, Li l Wayne, and the Young Money Crew at the BET Awards earlier this year. It actually starts out not too bad with Drake performing "Best I Ever Had." He had to sit while performing because he tore his ACL like the week before, but it was kind of like watching a poetry reading or something. But after "Best I Ever Had" ends and the other rappers come out, the performance slowly gets worse and worse until you realize someone needs to just mercy kill the whole thing. Seriously, this has got to be among the bottom-five worst live hip-hop performances ever. Not just because everyone starts screaming hysterically into their mics rather than actually just rapping the lyrics, but because when they performed "Every Girl" there's a bunch of THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS DANCING LIKE HOOCHIES ON THE STAGE as the rappers scream "I wish I could f* every girl in the world!!" Even the BET audience (which is usually very easily entertained) started out feeling the performance, but slowly got less and less into it as it wore on. And wasn't it nice how about 50 percent of the performance had to be blanked out because the rappers couldn't stop cussing on TV? Well done, gentlemen.

Also, I've read on some sites that one of the girls was actually Lil' Wayne's 13 year old daughter and the other girls were her friends. Nice, Weezy. You want to know why the BET Awards are an easy target of mockery year in and year out? This is Exhibit A.

One more thing. Can we all agree that Lil' Wayne is one of the most overrated rappers ever? His lyrics are mediocre at best and, as this performance proves, he sucks even harder without the aid of auto-tune. Come on, everyone. Open your eyes. Lil' Wayne is trash.

4. Sorry, I'm all worked up now. But nothing calms me down like a nice Jamba Juice. (Thanks to Jennie Chang for this one.)

5. A dream of all baseball fans is to catch a flyball. This man's dream came true... and was then shattered by his little daughter. Nonetheless, he's a loving dad and quick to give his girl a hug. But it just goes to prove one thing: girls can get away with anything...

6. And we come to the final link. Now, I'm a Blackberry owner and proud of it. I love mine and I encourage others to buy one if they're in the market for a smart phone. Of course, the big rival to Blackberry is the iPhone. I have nothing against the iPhone, I just prefer my Blackberry. But if there was ever a reason to get an iPhone, it's because of this app. If you were to buy an iPhone over a Blackberry only because you wanted this app, I would completely understand and have nothing but respect for you.

AND DON'T FORGET: SEASON SIX OF THE OFFICE PREMIERES TONIGHT!!!!!!

Lessons in Etiquette from Serena and Kanye

2009-09-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

There are few things that I enjoy more than ranting about something that bothers me. But if I can't be the one doing the complaining, the next best option is to watch another well accomplished complainer at work. This weekend, we were treated to not one, but TWO masters of the craft showing off their talents.

First up, there was Serena Williams at the U.S. Open on Saturday night. Here's a quick recap of what happened: Serena was called for a foot fault on her second serve at the end of her match with Kim Clijsters, which gave Clijsters match point. Serena was not pleased. She began pacing and then, well... you can just watch what happened for yourself.

(At this point, I'd like to apologize to non-tennis people out there because you probably have no idea what any of that last paragraph meant. If that's the case, I invite you to just skip ahead. Why waste each other's time, right?)

I don't think those two are going to be exchanging Christmas cards anytime soon. Anyway, the line judge in question ran over like a whipped dog, told the head ump that Serena was threatening her, and the head ump and tournament officials ultimately called an unsportsmanlike penalty on Serena, which translated into a point for Clijsters to give her the match.

Now, a foot fault is something I don't think I've ever seen called during a pro tennis match because it's the ultimate of ticky tack calls in tennis. If you're going to call one, that foot better be CLEARLY over the line (which it wasn't in Serena's case). Also, to essentially decide a match with a call like that is about as weak sauce as it comes. And it's not just any match; it's the semifinal of the US Open. This isn't some high school JV tennis match. These are skilled players and, as such, they should be ones to decide the outcome, not a ref.

Okay, so let's talk a bit about Serena's rant. Was it out of line? Yeah, probably. Was it a ridiculous loss of composure? Totally. But as someone who has yelled at a ref or two in his life, I absolutely loved it. Too many refs act like they're above the law and go on power trips because they have so much influence over a game or match. You gotta put them in their place sometimes. For that, I give you a high five, Serena.

Speaking of acting like they're above the law...

It's time for Kanye West. Funny, I had just started thinking that it had been a while since Kanye had done anything really controversial. Right on cue, Mr. West.

As we all know by now, thanks to our friends' Facebook status updates, as Taylor Swift was being given the award for Best Female Video at the MTV Video Music Awards, Kanye jumped onstage, grabbed the mic from her, and began telling the crowd (and Taylor Swift as well) how Beyonce should have won the award for "Single Ladies." Here's a complete recap and video of the incident.

Okay, let's break this down. First off, anyone who knows me knows I love Kanye. And as a Kanye fan, you sort of learn to live with his behavior and his constant need for attention. It's kind of like being a Giants fan and liking Barry Bonds. Did he do 'roids? Yeah, probably. But the guy was a native son of San Francisco, he was the best player on our team for years, he made us immeasurably better, and he made us nationally relevant. As a result, we loved him (and continue to love him) unconditionally. Same goes for Kanye. He does/says stupid and obnoxious things, but we still love him.

With all that being said, there's no way to argue that Kanye wasn't a huge douche on Sunday night. It was Taylor Swift's moment and he had to steal it away from her. But while Kanye may think he was giving Beyonce her props by saying she should have won, the only person he was putting the spotlight on was himself. Look, 'Ye, as a true fan of yours, I can only say this: get over yourself, dude. It's time to grow up and just do your thing without being so caught up in the lives of other people. I still love you, man (as long as you don't do another 808s and Heartbreak-type album), but it's getting harder and harder to defend you.

Kanye does bring up a very good point, though: how the hell did Taylor Swift beat Beyonce?? Beyonce's video KILLS Taylor Swift's! Beyonce's was innovative, entertaining, and memorable. It also became so popular that it was turned into an awesome SNL parody. Taylor Swift's video? It's basically a four minute teen chick flick. I've seen hundreds of videos like this one! And furthermore, the only reason I even watched it was because of Kanye's outburst! Maybe she should be thanking Kanye for giving her more exposure.

It should also be noted that at the end of the night, Beyonce won Video of the Year and gave her acceptance speech time to Taylor Swift. B is a classy lady and I have a ton of respect for her. She's also hella fine.

There is one more thing that's bothering me, though: Beyonce didn't win Female Video of the Year, but she won the overall Video of the Year? How is that possible? (By the way, this was annoying me so much that I just looked it up: "Single Ladies" has over 65 million hits on YouTube and "You Belong With Me" has about 3 million. The numbers never lie, people. Unless, of course, you're Bernie Madoff). The logic of these award shows lacks big time and gives further proof that they're rigged just so that more celebrities get camera time. But I guess the VMAs are a good way for MTV to stay relevant in the music world since they do just about nothing music related anymore. In fact, I'd go out on a limb and say that MTV contributes nothing positive to society as a whole. Well, except for this show, of course...

Stay classy, MTV. (That goes for you too, Serena and Kanye.)

A Shot at... Assault and Battery

2009-09-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

I have to share my thoughts on this whole Shawne Merriman/Tila Tequila fiasco. In case you haven't heard, Merriman (who is a football player with the San Diego Chargers) allegedly choked and threw Tila Tequila to the ground after an argument last week. (Rumor has it that they're a couple, which Merriman denies.) He says, however, that he was trying to keep her from driving away intoxicated that night and was protecting her.

(As a side note, it took me a while to find a PG-13 rated picture of Tila Tequila. We're trying to keep it as clean as possible here at The Punch... for the kids. But that probably speaks volumes about Tila Tequila.)

Anyway, I got home that night and went to ESPN.com and spot the headline, "Merriman accused of assaulting Tequila." I was initially confused; is it a bad thing that Shawne Merriman assaulted Mexican alcohol? Also, what does that even mean? I eventually clicked the story to find out that it was referencing the MTV reality star. My immediate reaction wasn't, "Damn, that's terrible." It was more like, "I can't believe there's a serious news story out there that has to actually cite someone named 'Tila Tequila.'"

But I really can't stand that flooz, mainly because I can't figure out how she became famous enough to get her own reality show. Is it because she's hot? I see hotter girls than her walking down the street all the time. Is it because she's bi-sexual? This is the Yay Area; there's a good chance some of those girls walking down the street have "bi" on their resumes as well. I don't know; I really can't figure it out.

I have to give her credit for one thing, though -- the premise of Shot at Love was pretty ingenious. The popularity of reality shows relies on their potential for absurd and ridiculous drama. (Why do you think T.O. has his own show?) And what better way to create absurd and ridiculous drama than to have straight men and lesbian women chasing after the same person? It was destined to be a success from day one.

Anyway, for the record, I'm not a huge Shawne Merriman fan either. I personally think the dude is a douche. And rumor has it that Chargers management doesn't like his extracurricular activities off the football field and they're going to let him go once his contract is up. Also, it's unclear who the person at fault in this incident is with all the he said, she said going on. But Merriman does have this in his favor in terms of credibility: his name isn't "Tila Tequila." Seriously, I feel so much dumber every time I even say her name. Go ahead and try it. Say "Tila Tequila" five times in a row and keep in mind that she seriously calls herself that. You'll understand what I mean.

Okay, slight update. I just read on Tila's Wikipedia that she claims she couldn't have been drunk that night with Merriman because she has some sort of allergy to alcohol. If that's true, then she officially has the worst stage name ever. I would say it's the most ironic thing I've heard in recent memory, until I read this story.

Well played, NFL. You win.

UPDATE: Since we're on the topic of irony, this story needs to be shared as well. A staunch conservative Republican assemblyman, who was once given a 100% rating by an organization that supports "traditional family values," was caught on tape during a break at an assembly meeting describing in graphic detail not one, but TWO different affairs he was having with young, female lobbyists. I would say it's disappointing, but this type of thing happens so often that I wasn't even surprised. I honestly found it more hilarious than anything else. You think young, in-shape athletes get all the chicks? Wrong. Fat, old white congressmen are the ones getting the most action.

Big Trouble in Little China

2009-09-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

The Punch is finally back after a two week trip to China. I had originally hoped to write some posts while overseas and keep people updated on my travels. However, the Chinese government has taken the liberty of blocking several websites from the public. This includes dangerous websites such as Facebook, YouTube, and any site with the word "blog" in it. So the running diary was not meant to be. But now that we're back in America where freedom rings (U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!), I figure I'd dedicate this entry to the China trip.

I had thought about going into detail about my various stops in China, but realized I was going to just be rambling on and on -- and that's not really what people want to read. So instead, here are a few observations I made during my time in China...

1. Chinese people are impatient
Exhibit A: Me and Alex Shen were waiting for the subway and were first in line to get on. As the train pulls into the station, we're suddenly being pushed up to the doors by the mass group of people trying to get prime position to get on the car. Waiting their turn to get on was out of the question, and they instead insisted on being the first ones on, even if it meant trampling us in the process. I felt like I needed some riot gear and tear gas to keep them back.

Exhibit B: When I first landed in Beijing, the plane had just pulled up to the gate and people were starting to grab their bags and line up in the aisles to deplane. As I'm standing there, I feel a sudden push at my right arm. There's an old Chinese woman forcing her way through and around people to get to the front. Mind you, the doors aren't even open yet; no one can move. But this lady was on a mission. That or she was told there was a prize for being the first one off.

2. You can never be careful enough about what you eat in foreign countries.
For the first 13 of my 15 days in China, I managed to avoid getting sick from eating anything. I consider this a particular victory when one considers that the last time I was in Asia (Korea 2006), I got absurdly sick from eating something. Like, really sick. Long story short, it was a pretty miserable two or three days, and one of my goals on the China trip was to not replicate that. On day number 14 of 15, however, the streak was broken. My last night in China, I started feeling pretty bad in my stomach. Needless to say, a long night ensued. (BTW, I'm pretty sure I got sick from eating a Dairy Queen Blizzard. It wasn't even Chinese food; it was an American concoction. My home country betrayed me. In spite of that, I'm pretty forgiving, so I'll probably be back in line at a DQ by the end of the month because, damn, DQ Blizzards are awesome.)

The one thing I had to remind myself of was that I was going to embark on a 10-12 hour plane ride in the morning. This left me with two choices: One, hope by some miracle of God that the bad food would somehow naturally pass through my system by morning. Or two, force it out. After feeling pretty terrible for three hours or so in the middle of the night, I decided to go with option two meaning I pretty much had to force myself to throw up. I'll spare you the details, but I felt like a bulimic teenager. Anyway, it ended up working for the most part. I popped some Immodium throughout flight home and I made back to the states without any major incidents.

3. Stuff in China may be cheap, but you've got to stick to your principles
The exchange rate in China is about 6.8 Yuan to the dollar. Let's put that in perspective: a combo meal at McDonalds (which probably costs around six or seven dollars with tax in America) costs about 24 Yuan in China, or less than four dollars American. So for an American to be in China, it's a pretty good deal.

Still, you've got to stand up for yourself and your wallet a little. After a two day hike through the mountains above Tiger Leaping Gorge, our backpacking group of five wanted to make the descent to bottom of the gorge to see the river. There was an old woman there, however, whose family had apparently built a path down to the river and they were charging 10 yuan per person to walk down it. Now, look, 10 yuan is not even $1.50 American. But we had already paid 50 Yuan to climb the mountain, and now this old woman wanted more? Again, it's not a ton of money, but the PRINCIPLE of it made us argue with her for a while. In the end, we ended up paying the fare. You might think we were kind of dumb to fight about this with a woman who didn't have very much, but being in China does something to you. You think less in terms of how much something costs, and more in terms of whether you should be paying a certain amount period.

Alex Shen made a pretty good point though: it's a lot cheaper to make it rain in China.

4. No place like home
As much as I enjoyed my time in China, it's nice to be back in the U.S. It's nice to be able to eat without having to worry about whether it'll make me sick. It's nice to be able to use my cell phone freely. It's nice to be able to go on Facebook. And it's nice to be able to drive knowing that the majority of the other drivers are going to obey traffic laws.

Oh, and it was nice to come back and have the same songs that were played on the radio non-stop when I left, still playing non-stop when I returned... namely Drake "Best I Ever Had" and Keri Hilson/Ne-Yo/Kanye "Knocks You Down." Seriously... aren't people tired of these songs yet?

Anyway, it's good to be home.

Review: GI Joe

2009-08-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

While walking out of the theater after watching GI Joe this past Friday, I went onto Facebook on my Blackberry and posted this: "GI Joe was without a doubt the best movie of the year."

What did I learn from doing this? I need to improve the sarcastic tone in my Facebook status updates.

To be fair, GI Joe was pretty much what I expected it to be: a fairly mindless action movie with little plot, a poor-bordering-on-REALLY-poor script, overly patriotic themes, lots of overly dramatic macho speeches, and actors who were chosen for their roles mainly based on how hot they were. Also, this movie had Marlon Freaking Wayans in it. That screams volumes about your movie's credibility when he's one of the guys that's supposed to carry the movie.

Anyway, speaking as someone with half a brain, this movie was pretty terrible. Speaking as someone who often times doesn't use half a brain, I actually don't really regret watching it. So with that in mind, there are three fundamental questions about GI Joe that should be asked:

Was it entertaining? Yes, on many levels it was. Thanks in large part to the over the top, no-way-in-hell-will-this-ever-be-possible technology, the characters are able to do ridiculous things that result in some decently fun-to-watch action sequences. But it was also entertaining in terms of how stupid it was at times. And I don't just mean the action; I'm talking about some of the lines and the way the movie flowed in general. Just stupid.

Was it cool? When I say cool, I mean cool in terms of the way that Star Wars was cool with its incredible graphics and CGI computer craziness that made you watch in amazement. So now that we have the definition, GI Joe was far from cool. In fact, GI Joe would probably be the chess club captain who gets his lunch money stolen every day at school. I swear, if I knew how to work my Mac better, I could probably create better 3-D graphics than some of the GI Joe scenes. I don't know what the allotted budget for this movie was, but I'm sure it was huge. Clearly they didn't invest that money into the graphics department (or into the script writing department).

And finally... was it good? Absolutely not. Keep in mind, I didn't expect that it would be. I think it would have been a bigger surprise to me if the movie had actually turned out to be halfway decent. And this is the thing to keep in mind when watching GI Joe: keep your expectations low, and you'll leave feeling okay about the movie... and about yourself for having watched the movie.

Now you know! And knowing is half the battle.

Holy Crap, This Blog Still Gets Updated!

2009-08-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

I apologize that it's been so long since I've updated the blog. The last few weeks have brought a myriad of activity that's kept me busy and exhausted. But we're back in business and I bring a promise to stay more committed and on top of updating this blog. (I can also pretty much guarantee that we'll be having this conversation a few more times this year.)

Anyway, there's something that's been on my mind for a while now which I'll share with you. They say there's only two things guaranteed in life: death and taxes. Borrowing from that adage, if you listen to the radio, there's pretty much only one thing guaranteed: the Black Eyed Peas. Seriously, they're on every station, at every hour, of every day. You can't escape them.

Now, I consider myself a pretty big hip-hop fan. And there's a fairly well-known rule of thumb among hip-hop fans: you have to hate the Black Eyed Peas. For those of you who are unaware, this is the basic story: There was a time, a long time ago, when the Black Eyed Peas were an actual hip-hop group. I can hear BEP fans now: "Wait, they ARE hip-hop! What are you talking about??" Okay, no, they are not hip-hop. The Black Eyed Peas as they are now known are absolutely pop music. Listen to their pre-Elephunk album stuff. The BEP sound was much, much different; a lot cleaner and a lot more down to earth (try "Joints and Jams"). Anyway, stop interrupting. Let's get back to the story.

So what happened? A woman by the name of Fergie joined the group, their ideas and goals changed, and the sound was transformed forever. Now, the BEPs are wayyy poppier and clearly gear their songs to being catchy. Exhibit A: "My Humps" -- arguably one of the worst songs ever written in terms of lyrics. Seriously, Google the lyrics to that song. It's terrible.

Okay, so I know it sounds like I'm being kind of a hip-hop elitist and basically arguing that the BEPs suck because they abandoned their real hip-hop roots and decided to sell out by being pop music. Two things. First, I have no problem with Top-40 pop music. It's all good, baby. I'm down with it. But I have a problem when music tries to act and sell itself as something else. That's what the BEPs do. Second, I'm not going to completely hate on someone for selling out. Look, if you knew that you could make millions and millions of more dollars by changing your sound, you would seriously think about doing it no matter how strong your musical compass might be.

So then what's the biggest reason why I hate the Black Eyed Peas? It's this: these fools make silly, borderline mindless music, and they're Top-40 pop music trying to masquerade as hip-hop... but I CAN'T HELP BUT LISTEN... AND KIND OF LIKE IT. I'm so torn; whenever "I Gotta Feeling" comes on (and it's on a LOT), I want to change the freaking station immediately. But instead, I end up listening to the entire song.

I just spent five minutes staring at that last paragraph trying to go on, but I'm just having a hard time putting it all into words about what kind of conflict goes on in my head and heart.

I think the only way I can put it is like this: You know how you have that kind-of-friend in your life that you and your other friends find fairly annoying, but you still act like their friend to be nice? And even though you try to find reasons to get away from them and get out of the "friendship," they're actually pretty good to you and do great things for you; stuff like picking up the bill at dinner, or treating you out on your birthday. So as much as you might want to, you can't get out of being friends with this person. You're stuck with them. And while you might reap the benefits, you also can't help but feel guilty in the process.

That sums it up pretty well. In the end, I just flatout feel guilty for finding even a small bit of joy in Black Eyed Peas' music. It's terrible, it's annoying, and I hate myself for even having to fight this battle. But I know it's a battle I'll continue to lose for a long time.

(P.S. Good Lord, I forgot that the name of their last album was Monkey Business. I enjoyed songs off an album called Monkey Business. MONKEY BUSINESS. Seriously, I'm out of words.)

The Official Jonathan Sanchez No-Hitter Running Diary

2009-07-16T18:20:00.000-07:00

As promised, I'm delivering a retro-running diary of Jonathan Sanchez's no-hitter last Friday, arguably the best sporting event I've ever attended. As a reminder, I write for a publication that covers the Giants and thus graces me with a media credential for all their home games. I say this to explain why I'm in the press box, on the field, etc. Anyway, come with me as we re-visit the no-no...

Pregame
I arrive about an hour or so before game time and pull into the assigned media parking lot. Apparently there's a carnival that's set up shop in one of the other lots, though, and that means I have to park back at Pier 30/32. Upon being told this, I give the parking attendant some attitude because it just took me about 20-plus minutes to drive down the freaking Embarcadero, and now I have to back track about five or six blocks. I think to myself that this can't be a good omen for the night to come.

I finally make it back to the park and as I'm walking down the hallway, I pass Jon Miller (the radio play-by-play announcer for the Giants). He looks more roley poley in person than he does on TV; and he's also wearing a cardigan sweater with shorts and flip-flops -- it screams old white man. I guess that's one of the advantages of doing radio -- you can wear whatever the hell you want. I say hi to him and wish him a good call for the game tonight.

I walk out onto the field as the Padres are finishing up batting practice. I don't really have any reason to be out there; no Giants are on the field, and I don't need to do any interviews or anything like that. Honestly, I just walk around because I can. I don't say that to sound like a jerk; I just figure that I should take advantage of opportunities like that.

Anyway, your starting pitcher for the Giants tonight is Jonathan Sanchez. As we all recall, Jonny had some trouble earlier this year with his command and was forced out of the rotation a few weeks ago. But with Randy Johnson injured, Sanchez will be getting another shot this evening. He'll be taking on the San Diego Padres, who have managed the impossible: they actually have a worse offense than the Giants.

Dinner Time
I decide to eat the media dinner that is available (for a fee of course... it would be preposterous for a professional baseball team that makes millions of dollars a year to actually give something away for free). On the menu tonight: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, fish, sandwiches, cookies, and probably other stuff that I'm forgetting. Yeah, they don't serve the garlic fries and hot dogs here, which I think is a travesty. Anyway, I decide right then that I'm going to make the Giants sorry for having dinner buffet style. I eat a plate full of food and, before heading back to the press box, make myself a huge sandwich and take two cookies for the road. Yes... things are looking up.

First Inning
Sanchez comes out dealing. He strikes out two of the first three batters he faces. Steven Choi is at the game tonight and I'll eventually make my way out to where he's sitting and watch the game with him. But after seeing Sanchez look strong in the first inning, I'm reminded of a conversation I had with him that went something like this:

Me: Who's pitching tonight? Sanchez?
Steve: Maloooo...

Considering how poorly he had been pitching so far this season, Steve's assessment was pretty right on. But so far, Jonathan looks good and in control. But we've got a long way to go.

Second Inning
The Giants score four runs. This is sort of how the Giants offense has gone this season: all or nothing. It can be a lot of fun to watch when it's going well... but it also makes me want to punch someone in the face when it's going poorly.

Giants 4, Padres 0

Fifth Inning
Pablo Sandoval crushes a home run on the first pitch he sees over the right-center field wall. And I mean he CRUSHES it. That was Barry Bonds kind of stuff on that swing; the kind of bomb that makes you start high-fiving the strangers around you. The only problem? I'm sitting in the press box and everyone there is remaining "professional" and not showing any emotion. You'd think I was at a funeral with all the blank expressions staring out onto the field.

Giants 7, Padres 0

Sixth Inning
After being around those Debbie Downers, I decide it's time to get out of there and sit with people who can actually express their feelings and make the walk up to where Steve's sitting. Before I do, though, I notice that Sanchez still hasn't given up a hit through six. For whatever reason, it's felt like he's been doing a lot worse. But when I think about, yeah... I guess he HAS been doing pretty well. Sanchez induced a lot of flyball and groundball outs between the second and fifth innings, and only lately has started striking guys out again. A lot of people say that the strikeout is one of the more overrated stats in baseball, but one thing it absolutely does do is give the impression of dominance. At that point in the game, even after I had watched nearly every single pitch, you could have told me that Sanchez had given up five hits and walked three guys, and I would have believed you. Again, the strikeout may not be an indication of dominance, but it IMPLIES dominance.

Seventh Inning
For those of you that don't know, one of the rules of a no-hitter is that you don't talk about it while it's going on because that jinxes it. I walk to Steve's section and, as I sit down, the first thing he says to me is: "Sanchez has a no-hitter going!!"

I do my best to try and not say anything about the no-hitter, but it gets increasingly difficult the more it looks like it's actually going to happen. By the middle of the eighth inning, I'm calling people telling them to turn the game on and watch.

Also, it's worth noting that the Giants get a mini-rally going in the bottom of the eighth which actually worries me because it means Sanchez is getting cold in the dugout. As grateful as I should be that the Giants are doing something good on offense, I'm actually hoping the Giants stop scoring runs. They push across one more and it's time for the final inning...

Giants 8, Padres 0

Ninth Inning
The most nerve-wracking ninth inning I've ever witnessed in my life. I freak out every single time a batter swings, and freak out even more if he makes contact with the ball.

After getting the first batter to ground out to short, Edgar Gonzalez smashes one to center field. The entire park holds its breath... and let's out a collective sigh when Aaron Rowand leaps up and comes down with the ball in his glove. Seriously, I think I'm going to have a heart attack.

The last batter is Everth Cabrera and Sanchez eventually works the count to 2-2. He winds, throws a curveball, Cabrera watches it go by, the ump throws his hand up, and the no-hitter has become reality. The crowd goes wild and the players mob Sanchez on the field. A phenomenal game.

Sanchez's final line: 9 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 11 Ks; 110 Pitches - 77 Strikes

Postgame Analysis
I wrote this in my last entry but for a while, I had come to peace with the belief that I would never see a no-hitter live in my life. There might be no event in all of sports that's as rare and unpredictable as a no-hitter. You can't plan on it, you can't buy tickets in advance for one. It's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time, and fortunately I was on this night.

When I think about it, I really can't remember the last time I was this excited at a ball game. It's been six years since the Giants were last in the playoffs, and that's the only thing I can even compare the level of excitement to. (As a side note, the Giants are playing out of their minds this year. If you had told me before the season that they would be 10 games over .500 with the second best record in the National League, I would have thought you were the most untrustworthy person in the world, with Bernie Madoff being a close second).

I've been sitting here for a while now trying to write what it was all like. Honestly, though, I'm really out of words to express what it meant to be there. I'll just say congratulations to Jonathan Sanchez. Thanks for the memories. You did good, kid. And you also increased your potential trade value. So thanks for that as well.

P.S. I recorded the final out and posted it on YouTube. Relive that moment with me...